«He’s such a dreamer!» — they say about those who like to fantasize. But someone manages to make their dreams come true, but for someone they remain unrealizable. How to dream so that wishes come true?
Behind each of our desires, a need is necessarily hidden, it’s just that it is not always realized. Sometimes we misunderstand this need.
“For a long time I dreamed of buying a tour of several countries and moving away from work,” says 35-year-old Alla, an auditor by profession. “It seemed to me that this was the only way I could switch off from talking about endless accounting documents. But one evening I was driving from another enterprise where our company was conducting an audit of financial statements, and my phone was dead. There was no charger in the car. At first, I experienced anxiety — how could it be, how can I be left without a connection, what if they will look for me at work?
I was without a phone for 4 hours, and during this time I completely disconnected from conversations and fuss. I realized that it is not at all necessary to go far away for big money to stop talking about business — you can just turn off the phone. And the world will not collapse.
Alla agreed with the management that after 22:XNUMX she does not answer the calls of colleagues and does not talk about work issues. And the weekends are now “in flight mode” for the employees of her company. She explained that this is important for her: in moments of silence, she recovers, including for further effective work.
Healthy fantasy is the basis of any creative activity, including creative modeling of one’s own life.
The fact is that a need is always about the lack of something important. Nutrition and sleep can usually be provided for yourself, but other needs can often be met only in contact with other people, discussing difficulties in time and asking for help.
“For fear of becoming a victim of manipulation, falling into dependence, being in a humiliating position, many people do not even admit to themselves that they can fulfill their needs only through contact with other people. Therefore, false awareness and false dreams arise, ”explains psychodramatist Anastasia Bashlykova.
But is the ability to fantasize a bad thing? After all, the ability of our psyche to digest the perception of reality and information stored in memory, the ability to model fundamentally new images and ideas and create harmonious systems from disparate fragments, each of us has to one degree or another. No wonder this function is included in our basic package?
Of course, healthy fantasy is the basis of any creative activity, including creative modeling of one’s own life. But for some people, it transforms into a non-constructive, pathological dream, when a person begins to lose touch with reality.
Healthy fantasies and pathology
“If fantasizing is only a stage of information processing, followed by the embodiment of an idea into reality, then this is a constructive process. For example, a “dreamer” will create a work of art, make a scientific discovery, or take very specific actions to change life for the better,” the expert explains. “If fantasizing becomes an escape from reality into fictional worlds, then this is a psychic defense that only increases the gap between a person and the existing reality.”
Sometimes fantasies are a way of psychological relief that helps restore our resources and balance. Therefore, in reasonable doses, they are necessary. Such dreams should not come true, this is a kind of retreat for the soul. We can talk about pathological fantasizing when our life begins to collapse due to total non-participation in it, the substitution of real life for dreams.
Wishing is not the same as doing
A dream is the creation by the power of imagination of images of a desired future. But “desirable” does not always mean “feasible”. You can implement something for which there are real grounds in life or for which you can prepare the ground right now, in the present.
“Becoming the Queen of England is an empty dream, because it is not feasible in reality without sufficient starting data. And this “vacancy” is only for one person. You can fantasize about friendship and love, while avoiding communication with people, endlessly — this is not a way to fulfill a dream, but a path to the world of comforting dreams, ”Anastasia Bashlykova is convinced.
It is possible to make a dream come true only through concrete actions: for example, set and formulate a goal, set deadlines, build an achievement algorithm and follow it.
It is very important to clarify what lies at the basis of a dream, what is the true need of a person.
“It is not the power of desire that embodies, but real actions, correlated with the possibilities and limitations — both of the environment and their own,” the psychologist says.
Why do some dreaming people develop a plan of action, do something, but their dreams never come true? The inability to build the right algorithm is the first reason. The second is the lack of objective information for the implementation of plans. Coaching, working with goal setting and strategy development, will help to deal with these complexities. The third reason is an erroneous understanding of one’s true need and the way to satisfy it.
For example, a man dreams of a prosperous life, while his primary need is to rest. Achieving prosperity is work. And a person, maybe, is in a state of a driven horse. It is very important to clarify what lies at the basis of the dream, what is the true need?
The fourth reason, perhaps more common than the previous three, is the various fears that prevent us from acting. “We are talking about an intrapersonal conflict: the need for security is in priority over any other. And, accordingly, a person will unconsciously choose safe doing nothing and go into unrealizable, but pleasant dreams, ”says Anastasia Bashlykova.
In these cases, psychotherapy can be useful, but on the condition that the person is still ready to make efforts to change the situation. The first step is to recognize that there is a problem and that it needs to be addressed.