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There are many anxieties and little certainty in human life – but this is what makes it interesting! Existential psychology encourages us to understand the meaning of our experiences in order to learn to see the meaning and find inspiration in today.
The feeling of emptiness, powerlessness, uncontrollable anxiety is familiar to everyone who feels anxiety from time to time, that is, all of us. And it is not surprising that we seek to avoid these feelings. But is it worth it to be so afraid of your worries?
Momentum for growth
“Anxiety is a natural reaction of the psyche to situations of uncertainty, instability,” says existential psychologist Dmitry Leontiev. – Trying to fight it, we try to streamline our relationships, making life as static and predictable as possible. But in this way we give up the future, which is always uncertain and unpredictable.
Looking for clarity
Why are some anxious people seriously interested in esotericism, go to fortune-tellers, read out horoscopes? “It is psychologically difficult to live when there are so many obscure, indefinite things around,” says Dmitry Leontiev. – Many of us do not know how to do this and need to be confidently told (as in childhood) how everything really works. Fortunetellers and esotericists exploit this need, as a result of communication with them, the picture of the world takes on a finished look and anxiety decreases. And only psychologically adults are able to accept events and actions, circumstances and facts that do not have a ready explanation. They are ready to see the world as it really is.”
For the first time, the place of anxiety in the existential life of a person was described by the Danish philosopher Seren Kierkegaard. He distinguished between the concepts of real fear and deep, not having immediate visible causes. He was convinced that this irrational anxiety allowed freedom of choice to emerge as the true expression of human freedom. It is this feeling, he believed, that pushes us to development, serves as a compass for personal growth. A hundred years later, already in the twentieth century, an existential psychologist describing the mechanism of anxiety, he argued that it interferes with us, takes an uncontrollable form only when we try to force it out of our lives. But if not to repress, then how to turn it to your advantage?
The price of movement
“The leading existential psychologist Salvatore Maddi proved that when making a decision in favor of stability, we essentially choose our unchanging past,” says Dmitry Leontiev, “as a result, we worry less, but at the same time we feel guilty for unrealized opportunities. Choosing an uncertain future, we always take a step towards personal development: we trust ourselves more, we look at the world optimistically, we live a meaningful life, but at the same time … we doom ourselves to constant anxiety. This is the price we pay for movement and personal development.”
Accept Uncertainty
Philosopher and the existential psychologist James Bugental, at different times and without knowing anything about each other, gave the same definition of the process of life: “The living differs from the dead in that it can always be different.”
Family, school education is arranged in such a way that, growing up, the child hardly accepts any uncertainty. “The modern school curriculum presents the world as an unchanging, permanent structure in which nothing or almost nothing changes,” continues Dmitry Leontiev. – Parents, for their part, drive the child into the strict framework of the future, saying: “You will grow up and then …” Such a message is an unconscious way to delay the solution of the issues that the child poses to them – and all in order to reduce own anxiety. It would seem that they are just words, but they sometimes determine how we feel in life: some of us live in anticipation of the next time line, beyond which happiness will begin.
“You can learn to accept the uncertainty of life, its variability at any age, but for this you need to do serious spiritual work,” says existential psychologist Svetlana Krivtsova. – Our anxiety, like a barometer, shows that something in life is going wrong, something important escapes our attention. And consciousness for some reason refuses to see it.”
Keys of trust in the world
Anxiety first manifests itself at a very early age. American psychoanalyst Karen Horney (Karen Horney) believed that the lack of warmth and acceptance in the family leads to the formation of “basic anxiety” in the child. This feeling of global internal discomfort, the experience of loneliness and helplessness in the future can become a source of neurotic reactions and a factor that slows down the development of creative forces. An important role in the formation of basic anxiety is played by the general emotional climate in the family: if it is unfavorable, the child is more likely to develop excessive, painful anxiety. On the contrary, a child growing up in an atmosphere of love and understanding, from the first days of life, has a feeling of “basic trust in the world”, which serves as a reliable foundation for further personal growth and self-realization.
explore the past
Often we are unable to clearly identify the cause of our anxiety. “Look into your past and try to find events that cause a painful response,” advises psychotherapist Dmitry Shevchenko. “The past is our experience and our frame of reference.” Having experienced the experience of a serious loss, a person may feel increased anxiety and subsequently – in other situations similar or in some way reminiscent of a long-term trauma. For example, he will worry every time his loved ones leave home: after all, there was already someone in his life who left and did not return.
But the reasons for these experiences may remain unclear for a suffering person: it is not possible for each of us to independently find among the long-past events what became the source of today’s anxiety. In this case, a psychologist can help: in every psychotherapeutic method, there are techniques and exercises that allow you to plunge into your past and find in it the “trigger buttons” of our worries.
live today
“To be able to live in the present is a great happiness, an ideal worth striving for,” says Dmitry Shevchenko. – Do not suffer from the past, do not worry about the vague future. To be not alarmed, but excited by life, if only because it is curious.” “To fully live in the present means the ability to live in a connected time, that is, a continuous “past-present-future,” continues Dmitry Leontiev. “The problem arises when the connection between times breaks down and we feel like we are in only one segment.” “An anxious person seems to break away from reality, he seems to hang in the air, losing his support,” Svetlana Krivtsova notes.
Anxiety is painful but healing: it accompanies every new knowledge about the world and about ourselves that we receive. This is an integral and necessary part of life, and therefore it is worth treating it the same way as life itself: do not be afraid and do not humble yourself, but try to understand and love.
About it
- Soren Kierkegaard. Fear and trembling. Republic, 1993. Paradoxical book of the largest Danish philosopher and theologian.
- Rollo May. Anxiety problem. Eksmo, 2001. Deep study of the biology, philosophy and psychology of the phenomenon.
6 steps to meaning
What is that spiritual work that gives us the opportunity to face our anxiety and gain invaluable experience in understanding and overcoming it? Psychotherapist Svetlana Krivtsova shares her observations with us.
Svetlana Krivtsova – existential psychotherapist, author of several books; one of the latest is “How to find harmony with yourself and the world” (Genesis, 2004).
1 Bracket
Psychologists usually say: listen to your feelings and follow them. But when it comes to anxiety, that’s exactly what you shouldn’t do. Best recommendation: Brace your feelings, try to distance yourself from the situation. Ask yourself: “What is going on? What is real and what are my fantasies and conjectures?
2 Clarify fear
“What am I afraid of?” is the question to ask yourself. So, many novice drivers experience great anxiety. At this point, it is important to determine: what worries me? Someone is afraid to knock down a pedestrian, someone is afraid of becoming a victim of an accident, someone is afraid to get lost among unfamiliar intersections. Knowing exactly your weak spot, it is in it that you can help yourself.
3 Look for supports
Think about what can support you. What can you rely on in a situation where fear begins to overcome? The theses of the speech can become a support if you are afraid of public reports, the necessary phone numbers if you are afraid of an accident. It will also support the thought of who next to you would be calmer.
4 Lower the bar
Anxiety is always an exaggeration. The more we worry, the more success we expect from ourselves. Determine the parameters of the first good result. To do this, lower the bar: do not do everything at once, but do something specific, observable, solvable, feasible. A novice driver is unlikely to drive to work during rush hour, but on weekends he may well be able to go around his block. And this will be the first good result.
5 Consider the worst
Ask yourself: what will happen in the worst case? It’s not so important what your answer will be: the fact that you dared to think about it or talk about it is already valuable. Anxiety allows us to see what we have never seen before, what we did not dare to think about. Think about how you can protect yourself. If, for example, public speaking scares you, prepare a good joke in case something goes wrong. Self-irony will protect you well.
6 Find your meaning
Try to understand what personal meaning – not momentary, but related to the essential aspects of your life – you see in overcoming your anxiety. For example, someone will find that conquering a fear of a car means for him to start a new, free life. Meaning allows you to oppose anxiety with your courage to be.