Doubting a friend? Answer 7 questions about your relationship

Sometimes we have no doubt that the friendship with this or that person is over: the so-called friend took the partner away, framed you at work, did not return a large amount and disappeared. After this, you can even become enemies.

But sometimes everything is not so clear, and it is difficult for us to decide on a break. For example, are you willing to tolerate a friend who drinks heavily? Can you be friends with someone whose outlook on life seems wild to you? Will you part with the bore or will you persuade yourself that friendship is not a pleasure trip, and in general, he will never let you down? And what to do with friendship, which once pleased us every minute, and now weighs us down?

By and large, you do not need to come up with reasons why you no longer want to communicate with another – your desire to end the friendship is enough.

When in doubt, ask yourself the following 7 questions: they will help you make a decision.

1. Is your friendship more like a deal?

Some are friends only for profit. They are constantly trying to sell us something, to borrow money from us. They count how many times and how exactly they helped us, in order to demand a reciprocal service on occasion. Such friends easily violate the rules of chain of command if we are not fortunate enough to work with them.

It happens that the benefits of friendship with this or that person are not measured in money. So, a friend can chat with us for compliments. Or in order for us to keep her from rash acts: if this happens, she then reproaches us for a long time that we prevented her from fulfilling her dream. And this, oddly enough, brings her joy.

If, after meeting with a friend, an unpleasant aftertaste remains inside, take a closer look and think: what if you are being used or, conversely, are you using someone else? Friendship should not be built on this shaky foundation.

2. Is friendship harmful to health?

A study published in the New England Journal of Medicine in 2007 proved that bad example is actually contagious when it comes to health. Psychologists decided to find out whether the tendency to overeat can be transmitted from person to person. By the end of the experiment, most of the 12 volunteers whom the researchers encouraged to interact closely with each other had worsened eating habits.

Close friends can simultaneously gain weight, learn to lie from each other. What can we say about companies in which it is customary to consume alcohol or illegal substances. If one of your friends is trying to end a chemical addiction, and the rest are not going to change their lives, it’s hard to keep from old habits. That is why participants in addiction programs try to move away from familiar places.

What if a friend pulls you to the bottom, persuades you to drink or smoke, although he knows that you are struggling with addiction? And if he makes fun of your attempts to play sports or start watching nutrition? Maybe it’s time to leave.

3. Are you being manipulated?

The manipulator seeks to control you, plays with your feelings for his own benefit. He gets offended to make you feel bad, and then pretends to be incredibly cute to suck up. It’s hard to figure out what’s going on right away, because manipulators are very cunning. In addition, they themselves sometimes do not realize what they are doing and why.

To expose them, consider: How would you describe your relationship to others? Would you choose words with difficulty and in the end would say that everything is difficult? Analyze: have you changed since you started communicating with this person? Can you say that you are more often sad, nervous and doubt yourself? And no matter what happens, you always find yourself guilty and apologizing, even if you don’t understand why?

If you can answer “yes” to all of these questions, your relationship is unlikely to be a friendship. After all, true friendship is an opportunity to openly express thoughts and feelings, to support, when necessary, to rejoice together.

4. Are you friends just because you have a lot in common?

We sometimes think that the more we have in common, the stronger the friendship. But external resemblance, the general school or the yard in which you grew up, are not of decisive importance. What is really important?

Trust, honesty, respect, the ability to rejoice in the achievements of another and a sincere desire to be there when a friend calls for help. If all this is in your relationship, neither nationality, nor faith, nor a different financial level than yours will interfere with friendship.

5. It seems that only you need this relationship?

Do you justify the selfish and arrogant behavior of a friend? Do you call first, offer ideas on how to spend time, change plans if something does not suit a friend? You also bear all the emotional burden – do you calm, support? If so, don’t you think that this is no longer a friendship, but a job? It’s time to go on strike.

6.Can you rely on each other?

With a true friend, you can share both joy and sorrow. Friends do not disappear when you need them, and they do not appear only when they need something from you. If the words “mutually”, “common”, “together” do not come to mind when we think about a friend, most likely it is time to leave.

True friendship gives us a sense of balance, mutual support. Even the differences between best friends help keep the balance. Of course, this balance will be disturbed from time to time. Let’s say you had a life crisis just at the time a friend got a promotion. But that’s what friends are for, to share both defeats and victories.

7. Can you be yourself?

If you have to pretend or be ashamed of yourself in front of friends, it’s time to look for other acquaintances. Only communication with real friends has a positive effect on health and makes you happy.

Ending an imaginary friendship is not an easy decision. Especially if you were really close before. But people come and go, and lifelong friendships are rare.

But real friends will never harm, manipulate, abuse trust and force them to conform to their own rules. With them we become better, happier, healthier. In short, we become the best version of ourselves.