I came up with the visual technique «Double Solid» which helps me keep my communication in syntonic.
Namely, during communication, it is easy for me to imagine a double solid (as on the road) line running from the interlocutor’s forehead, along his nose to his chin. To the right of this line, everything is comfortable and safe in terms of communication, there is respect for him, for his opinion, there is also the question: “What do you think?”, There is also my smile, there is also acceptance and positive. To the left of the line, on the contrary, are all conflictogens and their consequences — rejection, conflicts, quarrels and disappointments.
Focusing on the right side of the interlocutor’s face, I form a state in myself, as if I was driving along the highway on my side in a comfortable car, listening to pleasant music and enjoying the road, everything is fine and under control. And all this because I follow the rules of safe driving (communication). The emerging desire to argue will be a signal for me that I begin to cross the double solid line and leave for the oncoming one. And the oncoming lane is either an accident or a traffic policeman: a huge fine and loss of rights. In communication — conflict and trouble.
Can I cross a double line in real life? I can, and the consequences will not be long in coming. Can I move to the left side of this imaginary line in communication, violating the gu.e. one of the basic rules of driving is communication? I can! And the consequences will also be immediate.
The main question — Do I want it? In real life — God forbid! And in communication? When I thought about it and imagined the consequences, I said to myself definitely: “I don’t want to!”
I am sure that this simple and maybe a little funny technique will help me a lot. Right now, sitting in a cafe, I was upset with the service and talked with the waiter. I tried to visualize this double solid line on his face and, laughter with laughter, but it works: I focused on the right side of his face and communicated with him calmly.
Keeping the focus on the safe side of the “double solid”, I will apply all the techniques proposed by N.I. Kozlov that promote syntonic communication:
- Active listening with acceptance of the position of the other.
- Warm smile, friendly and joyful expression.
- The question «What do you think about it?»
- Pause (when needed).
- The image of a smart person is in front of me.
- Total yes.
- The internal mood is to agree so that everyone is comfortable and that no one loses face.
- More soft intonations in your voice.
I am sure that habit is important here, then all this will be automatic.