Donald Woods Winnicott, mothers best friend

Педиатр по образованию, этот детский психоаналитик провел тысячи консультаций, бесконечно шлифуя свое понимание первичной связи матери и ребенка. Из этих пристальных и человечных наблюдений выросло убеждение: матерям необходимо показать, что в них от природы есть способности и внутренние ресурсы, чтобы помочь развиваться своим детям. «Достаточно хорошая мать» позволяет младенцу почувствовать, что он — творец мира, и не заставляет его слишком рано (до года) узнать, что на самом деле это не так. Постепенно он обнаружит, что заблуждался, и осознает, что он всего лишь «песчинка во Вселенной», — тогда «достаточно хорошая мать» понемногу позволит ребенку испытывать неудовлетворенность (фрустрации) и так познакомит его с реальностью. Но из этого первого опыта всемогущества возникают настоящие, аутентичные отношения с миром. Одаренный огромной интуицией, Винникотт выдвигал новаторские идеи о психике младенцев и детей, умея найти фразы, позволяющие обратиться к сокровенным глубинам другого и при этом не ранить его. Его передачи на Би-би-си помогли тысячам родителей лучше понять свои эмоции и эмоциональную жизнь своих детей: внушая родителям уверенность в их действиях, он позволял им самим находить выход в трудных ситуациях.

Fundamentally striving to see the good in people, Winnicott made obvious the creative element that is present in every person. And he believed that this original spirit of creativity should be protected by all means.

Keys to Understanding

In mother’s arms

A woman in labor or a new mother is in a very special state that allows her to best understand the needs of her baby. This state of merging with the child, being temporary and even anomalous, creates an environment favorable enough for the infant to develop properly. Winnicott stressed the need for maternal presence early in life to build self-confidence. “There is no such thing as a baby,” he said. The child needs this primary environment and primary physical and psychological “being in/in the arms of the mother” (Winnicott uses the term holding, lit. holding is “all that a mother does and all that she is for her infant ”) to later realize what it means to be yourself.

transition object

When a small child goes to bed, he needs to take a plush toy with him, which he will later wear to a nursery or kindergarten. It is a “transitional object”, since it contains different “transitions”: from day to night, from the presence of the mother to her absence, from what the child can grasp in the mother who is outside him, to what remains of the mother in him inside. This object is of a dual nature: it is both a mother and a baby, their individualities are mixed in its smell. That is why it should never be erased, otherwise, having lost the feelings and experiences invested in it, it will lose its meaning. When a child takes his toy out of the house, he feels that his mother still holds out her hand to him, that he is still next to her.

The Danger of the False Self

If the child lacked maternal attention in the first three years of life, then he cannot maintain this state of creative illusion created by the game and the transitional object. And then he will be too, overly adapted to his environment. Instead of feeling that he is understood, he will imagine that he himself always desires the same as those around him. You might think of such a child that he is polite and perfectly adapted to life, but in the depths of his soul there will be emptiness. He was forced to adapt to the other before he realized his needs and desires. In such a case, his entire existential experience will be colored by a sense of the falsity of his “I”, a feeling that he is not himself.

Play is serious business

It is in the game that the child comes into contact with his feelings – with the fact that he exists, and with what he is. It is thanks to the game that he can bring out what is happening inside him, and therefore the game is so valuable for his mental development. And finally, it is in the game that a child can make friends, and therefore learn to communicate.