Unfortunately, we do not always correctly understand what healthy self-esteem is, and for modesty we take the elementary devaluation of our own achievements. Let’s try to figure out what’s what.
Low self-esteem or modesty?
Chronic self-devaluation has nothing to do with modesty. When a person underestimates himself, he refuses to look at himself objectively — he diminishes the significance of his achievements, as if acknowledging his own successes is a manifestation of arrogance and conceit. In fact, remembering your past successes and being proud of what you have achieved is normal.
Recognition of one’s own achievements is part of the foundation on which self-respect is built, which nourishes a person’s faith in himself and allows him to take on new ambitious projects. Here is what Vadim Rotenberg, psychophysiologist, professor at Tel Aviv University, says about this: “Our success in life depends not only on the desire to achieve something, but on our abilities and life circumstances. They depend even more on our self-perception, on how we see ourselves.”
“In order to live the life that we like, it is important not only to believe in ourselves, but also to believe in ourselves,” agrees writer Nikolai Kryshchuk.
Low self-esteem or arrogance?
Oddly enough, there is a lot in common between arrogance and the habit of constantly devaluing oneself. The logic of an arrogant person: “I have achieved something, therefore, I can be proud of it. I’m damn talented, that’s obvious. I am much more talented than those with whom I have to communicate.
An arrogant person perceives the world through the prism of his success and belittles all those who are not as successful as he is. People with low self-esteem use a different thought pattern: “I have achieved something that I can be proud of. But to be proud of something is to show arrogance. Therefore, I should not show that I am proud of my act, I should belittle myself.
In both cases, reality is distorted. Thus, both come to wrong judgments about themselves and about others: everything is either good or bad. People with low self-esteem judge others too categorically, according to Stephen Graham and Margaret Clark, psychologists at Yale University (USA).
“Those of us who underestimate ourselves generally tend to be black and white,” said Dr. Clarke. — It is difficult for them to realize that a person nearby can have both positive and negative traits. In addition, they are very worried about how relatives treat them. When everything goes well, they tend to idealize a partner, but at the first discord they focus on his negative qualities. This form of self-protection helps insecure people avoid intimacy and the pain associated with it.”
Humility without depreciation
In dictionaries, the concept of modesty is defined as a moderate assessment of oneself. Being humble means being able to say to yourself: “I managed to do something, so I can do it,” without generalizing and without comparing yourself with others.
True modesty is manifested in openness towards others, in the ability not to overload people with increased attention, positive or negative, to one’s own person. Being humble means accepting and forgiving mistakes, your own and others, and not judging people for their successes or failures.
If something doesn’t work, it’s not because the person is bad. Conversely, success does not prove that one is better than the other.