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Everyone at least once in his life said to himself: “That’s it! Starting a new life on Monday. But every time, some little thing makes us postpone the long-awaited changes until Tuesday. Then another day. And then a new life is postponed for an “indefinite period” … For those who can’t start “from scratch” in any way, psychologist Boris Litvak has collected proven life hacks in the book “7 Steps to Stable Self-Esteem”.
Everyone puts their own meaning in the concept of «new life». Someone wants to lose weight, someone wants to learn English, someone begins to calculate a plan to open their own business … But why for many, progress towards the desired ends in the first week of the journey?
This is usually explained by the fact that there was not enough willpower. Or not enough motivation to finish what you started. Some people also have self-doubt issues.
Our experience is that more often than not, people simply make a number of common mistakes when trying to make changes in their lives. Therefore, we will first consider exactly them, and then we will move on to recommendations on how not to turn off the chosen path.
Common Mistakes Leading to Refusal of Changes
1. Unpreparedness for discomfort
A person wants the changes to be easy, comfortable and stress-free, but this does not happen. Any changes are accompanied by discomfort at first. Then a person gets used to it and most often he even begins to like the new state.
2. Pushing too hard for change
For example, coming to the gym on Monday, a person immediately gives himself such a load that he is no longer able to go to training for the rest of the week.
3. The desire to get a quick result
Pump up cubes on your stomach in three workouts, lose 10 kg in a week, learn a language in two months, start earning a lot in three months … When a person encounters an obstacle that makes it impossible to do what he has planned quickly, he leaves it.
4. Trying to achieve change on all fronts at the same time
Lose weight, quit smoking, improve physical fitness, get additional education… Each of these actions is associated with “breaking” the habitual way of life. Attempts to change in several important areas of life at once lead to the fact that you have to “break” yourself very much. In most cases, a person cannot stand this, and therefore throws everything at the same time.
5. Total focus on change
Trying to include only new things in your daily plan, while ignoring rest and habitual duties that do not cause discomfort, sooner or later this leads to a feeling of being driven out.
6. Demotivation in case of failure
If something does not work out, then self-confidence disappears, motivation decreases and there is a desire to quit everything. Naturally, when a person is guided by the previous items on the list, the chances that nothing will come of it increase significantly.
7. Lack of help and mentors
Attempts to learn something on their own, to get a new skill without learning, after a while, lead to the fact that a person simply quits what he started, because he cannot cope with the task at the expert level.
8. Belief that real life will begin after change
While I am changing, I am guided by the principle «Everything for the front, everything for victory.» But when I change, then I will begin to live a full life. With this approach, at a certain stage, a person begins to ask himself the question: “Why do I need this?”
Now let’s take into account the typical mistakes and formulate …
Recommendations for those who want to change their lives
1. Tune in to discomfort
It will definitely be, at least at the very beginning. Then you get used to it and start enjoying it. But it will be at a different level of development.
2. “Accelerate” gradually
Start small with first gear. Don’t push for big changes all at once. Start with what you are guaranteed to be able to do without having to “break” yourself from the inside. For example, when you come to the gym for the first time, just work out for your own pleasure, without setting personal records.
3. Implement Changes One at a Time
You don’t have to start doing everything at the same time. Do not seek to change your life on all fronts. Introduce new changes after getting used to the previous ones.
4. Balance your life
It should not consist only of changes, otherwise it will cause internal tension. Leave time for rest, usual activities and pleasant communication.
5. Don’t be discouraged by failure
If something doesn’t work out, don’t quit. Work on motivation, so that the first failure does not lead to the refusal to work on yourself. It is very important!
6. Use the help of other people and seek mentors
Most likely, you will not be able to achieve some goals on your own. It is much easier to learn a language with a tutor, to work out in the gym with an instructor, to get an education in a specialized center.
7. Live now
Change is what life is. There is no need to divide life into «before» and «after», between which there is a period of torment. A happy life does not begin after change, but right now. Rejoice and enjoy this very moment.