Women tend to put a man on a pedestal and forget about their own interests. Why is it dangerous to dissolve in a partner and how to avoid it?
A common situation: a woman falls in love, forgets about herself and loses her individuality. The interests of the other become more important than her own, the relationship absorbs her. This continues until the magic of the first love dissipates.
This development is familiar to many. Some have experienced it first hand, others have seen the example of their girlfriends. Falling into this trap is easy. We fall deeply in love. We are crazy about happiness, because we are reciprocated. We are euphoric, because we finally found a couple. To prolong this feeling for as long as possible, we push our needs and interests into the background. We avoid anything that could jeopardize the relationship.
This does not happen by chance. Our idea of love was shaped by romantic films and magazines. From everywhere we hear: “second half”, “better half”, “soul mate”. We are taught that love is not just a beautiful part of life, but a goal to be achieved. Lack of a couple makes us «inferior».
Your real «I» may scare away some potential partners, but do not worry about it
This distorted perception is where the problem lies. In fact, you do not need the better half, you are already a whole person. Healthy relationships don’t come from joining two broken parts. Happy couples are made up of two self-sufficient people, each of whom has their own ideas, plans, dreams. If you want to build a lasting relationship, don’t sacrifice your own «I».
The first months after we met, we are convinced that a partner cannot do something wrong. We turn a blind eye to character traits that will annoy us in the future, hide bad habits, forgetting that they will show up later. We move aside the goal in order to devote more time to a loved one.
Thanks to this, we gain several months of happiness and bliss. In the long run, this complicates relationships. When the veil of love falls, it turns out that the wrong person is nearby.
Stop pretending and be yourself. Your real «I» may scare away some potential partners, but you should not worry about this — nothing would have happened with them anyway. It will seem to you that it is now more difficult to find your person. At the initial stage of a relationship, you will feel more vulnerable and insecure. But when these stages are behind you, you can relax, because your partner is really compatible with the real you.
Three points will help to save your “I” at an early stage of a relationship.
1. Remember goals
Teaming up in a couple, people begin to make plans. It is possible that some of the goals will change or become irrelevant. Do not give up your own plans to please your partner.
2. Make time for family and friends
When we get into relationships, we forget about our loved ones. If you’re dating a new man, double your efforts to keep in touch with friends and family.
3. Don’t quit hobbies
You don’t have to 100% share each other’s hobbies. Maybe you like to read, and he likes to play computer games. You like to spend time in nature, and he likes to stay at home. If your interests don’t match, it’s okay, it’s more important to stay honest and support each other.
Source: The Everygirl.