Who among us does not dream of a happy relationship in which one can trust a partner one hundred percent, build a joint life and hold hands until the last breath? Finnish psychotherapist Heli Vaaronen is convinced that our own laziness most often stands in the way of this dream.
It is not enough to meet the “man of dreams” or “lady of the heart” and persuade him or her to go down the aisle. A wedding in women’s novels is a happy ending, but in fact it is only the beginning. Day by day, we will have to build our ideal relationship. It’s a 24/7 job and it’s best not to shy away from it.
Most spouses spend the whole day away from each other, meeting at home only in the evenings. But instead of saying to each other: «I want to be in your arms,» they say: «Give me a little rest and be alone (alone).» Why is this happening?
When we spend time with ourselves, we don’t feel disappointed. Our services include gadgets, computer games, social networks. Technology is penetrating the most intimate areas of our lives. They, and not a beloved spouse, become our lovers: they are always ready and at arm’s length.
Relationships that have cracked cannot compete with these seducers, because alone with a phone or tablet, anyone can be who they want. Gadgets do not expect anything from us, do not make any claims. They do not ask where we were, how much we received, why we came home so late. We can do nothing and “swim fat”, and they will still provide us with impressions.
Against their background, the requests and demands of the spouse turn into white noise, and the desire to relax and unwind becomes more important than the desires of the partner. One fine day, we find ourselves bored, estranged from a partner, a person who begins to look on the side for what he lacks in a relationship — respect and admiration, acceptance. And relationships… relationships begin to fall apart.
Love cannot be taken for granted, something that will last forever. In fact, this is a very risky project. It can end suddenly: the second partner is free to evaporate at any moment.
For love as bright as a star, great love does not come — instead, a crisis sets in, which tests partners for strength: do they really need to be together? When both «reach the handle», it seems that it is easier to end the relationship than to try to build it again. But if you don’t want to lose your loved one, try to fight the urge to give up and give up. You can start with these simple steps:
1. Prioritize. Work, friends, hobbies… Is there a place in your life for a loved one? If not, open the door and leave. If, on the other hand, relationships are high on your priority list and your spouse doesn’t know it, think about it. Perhaps this is the main reason for your quarrels and resentment against each other.
2. Reacquaint yourself with the person who was once chosen. Joint pastime, trips, impressions for two — they must be, without them you will soon have nothing to talk about.
3. Be honest, is this person important to you? If so, do not skimp on affection and tenderness. Your significant other needs them just as much as you do.
4. Try to become more attractive. A manicure, a new hairstyle, a dress, a perfume — all this is just as important as when you first met. And yes, this also applies to men.
5. Don’t be lazy. Work on your relationships constantly. And let the gadgets (and the whole world) wait.