If a child does not like to go to school, and despite all the efforts of teachers, it is not possible to awaken an interest in learning in him, can parents somehow correct the situation?
We are used to hearing this every day: «I don’t want to go to school!», «I hate school», «I’m wasting my time there!». When our teenagers realized that tantrums did not help, they changed tactics. They started calling us from school and asking us to take them home because they had a terrible headache or stomach ache. An hour later, the pain miraculously disappeared and the sufferer energetically rushed to the street.
In secondary school, the quality of life of children drops every year until the last grade (when, apparently, they already see the light at the end of the tunnel). Can we help them get through this time, achieve something and enjoy life? From the experience of my family I can say: it is important to recognize the strengths of the child and spare no money and effort to develop them.
Hugo’s studies were difficult — one might say, not at all, so the teachers’ council recommended that he leave him for the second year. The husband was depressed and almost believed that his son had no academic ability. Of course, he knew that Hugo wasn’t putting in the effort, but he thought the main reason was his lack of ability. After arguments (yes, sometimes positive psychology requires toughness), my point of view — to pay attention to Hugo’s talents and not unconditionally accept the opinion of the school — won out. To begin with, we challenged the decision of the school. Hugo was always passionate about tennis, and then he quit classes and now did not dare to resume them, fearing that he would lose to his former rivals. We got him a job at the best tennis club in the area, where they raise champions, and paid for private lessons. The passion worked, and the better Hugo played, the better his grades and attitude towards school in general became. Here’s the «incapable» for you …
- My child is bored at school
This story repeated itself with the other three children. Andrew was placed on a week-long course at one of the best acting schools, and he … immediately began to study better. Jason appreciates freedom, creates animated videos, shoots funny videos. He is a creative person, and when we approve of his work, he flourishes — as does his studies. Polina’s talents are in relationships. All friends and even brothers come to her for advice in matters of the heart. If she manages to maintain a balance between communication and everything else, then everything develops smoothly for her.
When we realize our strengths, we feel truly alive*. But how can you help children identify their talents? An option that I often use is cards with a set of strengths and questions to help find the best features of your nature. We often lay out these cards as a family and choose our virtues while letting others choose them for us. After all, using your strengths, you can get the maximum return from the minimum effort. So why not try?
* For more on strengths, see I. Bonivell «Keys to Well-Being» (Vremya, 2009).