Does positive thinking make us unhappy?

“Smile! You have cancer” — adherents of positive thinking suggest treating any, even a very difficult life situation, as a gift. You just need to believe in the good, and then everything will work out. This attitude has become today the motto of a successful person: no matter what happens, do not succumb to despondency. But positive thinking has a downside: by forbidding ourselves to think negatively, we can drive ourselves into a dead end.

Positive thinking is the cornerstone of modern practical psychology. The system came to us from the USA and spread mainly in the form of personal growth trainings. I must say that she very successfully took root on Russian soil, thoroughly “fertilized” by the activities of various kinds of fortune-tellers, soothsayers and psychics. There were books in which the power of positive thinking was elevated to the absolute.

One example is the Reality Transurfing series by Vadim Zeland. In them, achieving success comes down to controlling reality with the help of thought. The main thing is to be able to tune yourself in the right way, to “choose” the right reality. However, in the homeland of positive thinking, this approach today has many critics. One of them is the immunologist and science journalist Barbara Ehrenreich.

Be positive at all costs?

In Smile or Die: How Positive Thinking Fooled the World, Ehrenreich recalls that when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, some of her acquaintances advised her in no uncertain terms to remain optimistic and even accept her condition as a “gift,” to see it as an opportunity.

“On the Internet, I came across an offer to send me a pink teddy bear. And I suddenly felt that I was not afraid of death, but the idea of ​​uXNUMXbuXNUMXbdying with a pink bear in my hands was unbearable, ”she recalls.

Believe and you will be rewarded

Ehrenreich writes that positive thinking originated in America in the late XNUMXth century as a response to the rigid ideology of Protestantism. According to the ideas of the Protestants, God intended salvation only for those who work hard and, importantly, successfully. But what if your business is not going as well as others? Accept the fact that you are waiting for hellish torment? A solution was found: the supporters of the New Thinking movement announced that since God is by nature good and wishes people well, salvation is possible – you just need to be an optimist.

Gradually, the culture of positive thinking became secular, and many of its ideas later became part of self-motivation techniques (for example, in NLP). Various personal growth trainings use exercises such as visualization: for success to come to you, you need to very clearly imagine its attributes (draw in your mind’s eye a picture of an ideal workplace, a happy family, a well-furnished home).

According to the Law of Attraction, if you think positively, you will eventually attract well-being. Barbara Ehrenreich ironically notes that motivational events in some large companies have become similar to religious rituals, such as singing the company anthem in chorus or repeating slogans in the manner of Buddhist mantras.

Here are the reproaches that Ehrenreich addresses to the adherents of positive thinking:

They attach great importance to thoughts, forgetting about actions. By focusing on the positive aspects of reality, we can really maintain our self-esteem and keep gloomy thoughts from throwing us off balance. But can thoughts really “draw” to us what we want?

“Many attempts have been made to somehow scientifically prove this theory,” writes Ehrenreich. – However, as we know, our head cannot move, for example, a refrigerator – the force of this “theoretical attraction” is so small that it can only be detected at the level of quantum physics. Don’t you think it’s funny that quantum physics has, for some reason, become an excuse to cheat and mock all of science?”

They break away from reality. The ban on negative thinking can lead to the fact that we will ignore the alarming signals from the outside world. As an example, Ehrenreich cites the financial crisis of 2008 and numerous cases of bankruptcy of large companies. Their leaders did not want to listen to the warnings of their employees, pointing out the possible consequences of too risky decisions, and sometimes even punished them for a negative attitude.

“Of course, we can be sociable and active, feel unity with others, but we are programmed to be vigilant and cautious. It is these qualities that helped our ancestors survive. They didn’t say, “It’ll be all right, don’t worry about those bushes moving suspiciously.” The people who survived as a result shouted, “Move! It’s a leopard! Let’s run! No time for explanations!”

They ignore their feelings and the feelings of others. Our feelings are an internal indicator that reflects our attitude to some problem. Refusing to acknowledge our right to sadness, anger and fear, we do not stop feeling them. We simply deceive ourselves and gradually cease to understand what we really feel in this or that situation. This is confusing, makes it difficult to adequately assess the circumstances and make decisions independently. We turn into slaves of optimism.

According to Ehrenreich, the ban on negative emotions, instead of improving the internal state, often has the opposite effect – it leads to self-flagellation and self-abasement. We blame ourselves for everything bad that happens in our lives, including circumstances that we have no control over, because they happened because we were not positive enough.

Instead of setting yourself up for such debilitating optimism, Ehrenreich suggests taking a sober look at life and accepting both good and bad, first of all, your emotions. “Yes, I am against positive thinking, but I don’t justify despondency, pessimism, negativity or depression at all – they can just as well tear us away from reality. I propose a radical solution – realism. Just try to understand what is happening in the world and how to fix what is bothering you or adversely affecting your life.

Thinking about the bad is also important

Psychologist Frieder Lang and his team at the University of Erlangen-Nuremberg conducted a long-term experiment on how pessimism and optimism affect life expectancy. The results were unexpected.

The researchers found that among older people (65 years and older), those who were inclined to see reality in more gloomy colors lived longer. A critical attitude to reality forced them to be careful in their actions and plan their lives wisely. As a result, they cared more about their health and were more relaxed about what was happening.

Lang was not alone in drawing attention to the link between negative thinking and caution. Psychologist Gary Klein invented the exercise that many successful American companies use today.

The manager gathers employees in the meeting room and announces to them: “I have bad news for you. Our project failed. Something went wrong?” Such a beginning causes bewilderment among the audience, because the project has not even been launched yet. However, this is just staging. During the discussion, everyone offers their own explanation, pointing out the existing risks. Then, after collecting information about all the vulnerabilities, the team decides how to do so in order to eliminate them in reality and avoid failure.

This exercise can be used not only at work, but also in other areas of life. For example, when thinking about your relationship with your partner, imagine that you broke up. Why could this happen? How to make sure that this does not happen? Or, when planning a vacation, try to focus not only on pleasant and joyful moments, but also on possible problematic situations: what to do if the police stop you? Where do you go if you lose your documents? what to do if you catch an unknown virus?

Believing in the power of a positive attitude is fraught with danger. It can prevent us from soberly assessing our capabilities, actions and the events that happen to us. Of course, it is important to keep the presence of mind. But something else is also important: to understand that any feeling is a signal from the body. By rejecting it, we can lose touch with our true needs and desires.