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We are constantly forced to believe that having a permanent, strong relationship is the key to a happy life. Are people who consciously choose to live outside of a couple really unhappier than those who share shelter with a partner? Sociologist Bella de Paolo believes that this is nothing more than an illusion.
Myth One: They Just Can’t Find a Match
It seems to many that lonely people do not have a personal life and they dream of meeting a loved one. Polls conducted by American sociologists in 2005 and 2010 showed that more than half of singles do not at all seek to start a family. Most of those who want to remain free have already experienced family life and subsequent divorce. Divorced men expressed a greater willingness to remarry than women who had been married. However, those men who had excellent relationships with friends and family were less enthusiastic about the idea of marriage.
I perfectly understand people for whom living alone is a conscious choice, because I myself belong to them. We do not intend to change anything in our life. We are by no means disappointed in love and are not afraid of being rejected. These stereotypes have nothing to do with us. We love our life alone and want to decide for ourselves how much time we need to communicate.
Myth two: they suffer from loneliness
You’ve probably read in the media that married people are happier and live longer. However, claims that unmarried people are less happy are unfounded.
Matrimonial status has no effect on life expectancy
In a University of Michigan study, a group of subjects were asked for 8 years about how happy they were. Those who were single and then married felt happier in the first year after marriage. However, after this time, most returned to their previous level of self-perception and were just as happy or not happy as they were before marriage. This applied only to those people who were not going to get divorced. Those whose hopes were not justified felt much more unhappy in marriage, up to the moment of divorce. Later, they needed a period of rehabilitation in order to again achieve the same level of mental well-being as before marriage.
Myth #XNUMX: They are in poorer health
In a nationwide survey of Americans last year, 82,9% of married respondents rated their health as good or excellent. This is, without a doubt, a very high level. However, let’s see how our supposedly unfortunate and sick singles are doing? Among those who have never married and live without a partner, 81,6% described their health as excellent or good. As you can see, the difference is extremely small. The fact that married people live longer is confirmed by only one classic study, in which a group of subjects were interviewed throughout their lives since 1921. All the works of recent decades show that matrimonial status has no effect on life expectancy.
Myth #XNUMX: They are selfish
Loners are often portrayed as spoiled children who cannot be relied upon. They are not accustomed to taking responsibility and think only about their own interests. Against their background, family people seem to be reliable friends, attentive relatives and responsible workers.
A recent study from the University of Pennsylvania debunks this myth as well. Married couples turned out to pay much less attention to their elderly parents than singles. The latter not only more actively took care of the older members of the family, but also communicated more readily with their brothers and sisters. They were much more likely to help friends and neighbors. Thus, while married people focus exclusively on themselves and their children, single people are more open to the world and other people.