Misunderstandings, resentment and scandals in couples most often arise due to the fact that people do not know how to correctly express thoughts and feelings. Effective Communication Coaches Susie and Otto Collins explain how to talk to your partner so that you can be heard and understood.
The ability to speak is one of the key elements of a healthy relationship, so it is important to learn communication skills. To communicate effectively means to extinguish disputes at the very beginning, to avoid misunderstandings, to consistently formulate desires and needs. Couples often break up due to the fact that partners do not tell each other what they think and how they feel. Because of misunderstanding, emptiness arises in the soul.
You can find a thousand explanations why you can’t speak honestly and frankly with a partner or don’t have the courage to ask for something. Do not complicate, if you want to live happily, you must learn to express thoughts and desires so that they are heard. When it is not possible to find a common language, lovers not only move away from each other, but also accumulate anger and frustration, even if they do not want to admit it.
What to do? How to say what lies on the heart, and not be afraid of a reaction, to believe that they will understand you, how to talk to each other so that no one gets angry, offended, or takes everything with hostility?
As a rule, words and tone of speech are long-standing habits.
When we communicate with those who are dear, we must remember that the result depends on three conditions: the right mood, behavior and words. Let’s say that some act of your partner upsets you, but you know in advance: as soon as you say a word, a scandal will begin and everything will become even worse. This can be avoided. Couples manage to maintain relationships and calmly discuss the most sensitive topics thanks to three valuable qualities.
1. Patience
Before you say anything, stop for a moment and listen to yourself. An inner voice whispers something like, “No use. Everything will remain as it is.» You need to tune in that everything between you can change for the better, soften the requirements and notice the slightest change. It is also important to clarify for yourself what you really want, where did “I know in advance how it will be” come from. If you talk calmly and sensibly, without succumbing to fits of anger, it is easier not to slide into destructive habits.
2. Change of approach
If you can’t achieve what you want, you will have to change your behavior. Get rid of harmful methods of influence, stop playing silent, reproaching, arguing or manipulating, look for a different approach. What do you want? Wouldn’t it be better to apply the skills of successful communication, instead of being offended and leaving? If there is not enough attention and support, say so, but do not shower your partner with veiled reproaches. A competent approach will help to change a lot in relationships and reach agreement.
3. The ability to choose words
As a rule, words and tone of speech are long-standing habits, but if desired, everything can be corrected. We adopt the communication style of parents and other authorities, but sometimes we do not think about how familiar words can be interpreted and perceived by others. Try to compare how the two phrases sound. Sarcastic: “There is no romance in you! How about dinner at a restaurant and at least an occasional bouquet of roses?” Or sincere: “I really want to go somewhere with you this weekend. Let’s arrange a gala evening and sit in some cozy restaurant.
Noticed the difference? Your partner also notices. If you hesitate to say what you think or feel, do not get angry, do not say or do something that you will regret. Use the tips to make communication in a couple warm and conversations become easy and relaxed.