Do you want to have a successful life? Don’t sit at the table alone

Contents

Less stress, greater satisfaction with life
Food and the division of roles
Peace symbol
Slight mess on the plate
Plates of bread for the poor
Devil’s tool

To indicate that someone was excluded from society, the nobility cut the tablecloth around him. Therefore, it is bad to cover the table with separate tablecloths or placemats. Also today – explains Irena Kamińska-Radomska, an expert on etiquette and protocol. Science has a lot of evidence that we should pay attention to who we sit down with.

In humans, eating is both a satisfaction of hunger and a social activity. When eating, dopamine is released, the hormone of happiness, and you like to share good moments with your loved ones – explains Irena Kamińska-Radomska, an expert in etiquette and protocol
Is the family eating together related to better ratings of its youngest members? These are the conclusions of the Columbia University experiment
On the other hand, teenagers who rarely ate at home used alcohol twice as often, smoked cigarettes four times more, and marijuana twice as often, other studies show.
Sitting down to the table together meant and meant peace among other diners, even if only temporarily. By inviting someone to the table and accepting this invitation, it was declared, and it is still today, that we have no evil intentions towards each other – explains Kamińska-Radomska
ARTICLE FROM MAGAZINE: NEWSWEEK ZDROWIE 1/2021
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The answer to the question, since when has eating become not only a physiological but also a social activity, is not so simple.

– This is a question largely from the field of philosophy. The question about the rise of man. It is not a settled matter, so we can say: human = nature plus culture. Like animals, man has his own physiology, but what distinguishes us from animals is that we can bring certain activities to a form that is not repulsive, and therefore does not arouse aversion. Food is definitely such an activity. If we filmed it with a hidden camera, with close-ups, when a human does not make special efforts to do it culturally, it would not be a nice film. – believes Dr. Irena Kamińska-Radomska, anthropologist.

And points out that at the basis of human civilization were three values: good, truth and beauty.

– If we do not make the food beautiful for the sake of our fellow diners, then we would have to – like many animals – grab bites and run away to eat them in secret. This behavior of animals is dictated by the will to survive. In humans, however, eating is both a satisfaction of hunger and a social activity. When eating, dopamine is released, the hormone of happiness, and you like to share good moments with your loved ones – explains the expert.

Less stress, greater satisfaction with life

The results of research conducted by scientists from Columbia University may prove that joint meals and their celebration bring extremely positive effects. It turns out that teenagers who ate a meal with their parents seven times a week had 40 percent. better chances of getting the highest grades in school than those who only did it two or fewer times a week. In addition, they noticed that by eating together, young children had a greater vocabulary and greater ability to talk.

They were used by cosmonauts and Olympic champions. “Plant enhancers” work on the body and mind

In turn, Canadian research conducted on a group of over 26 thousand. teenagers showed that the more they ate family meals, the more their mental health was better. They had fewer emotional problems, less stress, were more willing to help each other, had a much higher level of trust in others, and were more satisfied with their lives, regardless of the economic status of the family in which they grew up.

The study also found that shared meals worked equally well for parents. They also felt happier and experienced less stress related to, for example, work. On the other hand, teenagers who rarely ate at home they drank alcohol twice as often, smoked cigarettes four times as often, and marijuana twice as often.

Food and the division of roles

For as long as historical records date back, eating has been a social activity for man. Often this is how the hierarchy and status of the guests were marked. – The men obtained food and the women prepared it for consumption. This division in some cultures has survived to this day. There are also communities where women are still not considered equal persons, and therefore men feast in them only among themselves, not allowing women to come to the table – says Kamińska-Radomska.

In different cultures and situations, the criteria for determining the priority of sitting at the table may differ, but they are usually the basis for respecting people with a higher social status or privileged. – Although the rules for seating guests were introduced only in the first half of the XNUMXth century (after the Congress of Vienna), taking a place close to the host was associated with greater prestige. Therefore, in order to avoid quarrels and scuffles, rules have been established for seating the guests – explains the expert.

Peace symbol

The revelers as a community are gathered around the table. Although it is as old as civilization, it did not always appear as we know it today. The very word “table” comes from “sending” and not “standing” – for hygienic reasons, the meal had to be separated from the ground or floor, so it was necessary to prepare a bed on which food was placed and on which the guests could also sit – explains Irena Kamińska- Radomska.

Even on your worst day, this food will cheer you up

Tables resembling modern ones are already known in ancient Egypt. With the development of the culture of feasting, that is, in ancient Rome and ancient Greece, their appearance changed and they began to be widely used. They were used for religious purposes, as well as for the celebration of important family and state events. Likewise, food itself or its refusal has been a clear message throughout history – an expression of consent or objection to a given situation.

Sitting down to the table together meant and meant peace among other diners, even if only temporarily. By inviting someone to the table and accepting this invitation, it was declared, and it is still today, that we have no evil intentions towards each other. Hence the custom of lining knives with the blade pointing towards the inside of the covering – this way we emphasize that we do not want to hurt anyone. At the root of the germinating label, it was not only symbolic, explains the expert

The tablecloth also has a similar eloquence as the table, emphasizing the community of revelers. As Adam Granville writes in the book “Gentelman”, to indicate that someone was excluded from society, the nobility cut the tablecloth around him. Therefore, it is bad to cover the table with separate tablecloths or placemats. Also today, explains Irena Kamińska-Radomska.

Slight mess on the plate

Refusal to eat, especially when made ostentatiously, could be an expression of opposition or even an act of political challenge. – Today, too, it is very rude. Even if we are on a diet, we should not make “noise” around us during the party. Of course. we don’t have to eat an eclair if we don’t feel like it. However, it is better to make a slight mess on the plate so that it does not look intact. All this so as not to embarrass the host – advises Kamińska-Radomska.

Currently, we attach great importance to table behavior. Those that in some countries will be considered appropriate, in others – as a lack of upbringing. This is e.g. when someone bounces loudly. In European countries it is considered indecent, and among Arabs and Indians it is popular and does not arouse such disgust (it should be remembered, however, that the prevalence of certain behaviors in other cultures is not always the same as their acceptance). It is considered polite in Europe to behave when someone, apologizing to other diners, leaves the table, while in Japan no one would dare to take such a step until everything was eaten, even if the party lasted several hours.

Plates of bread for the poor

While today serving food on a plate and consuming it with cutlery seems completely natural to us, the need to use it arose very slowly. Irena Kamińska-Radomska adds: – The first plates are leaves, only later did their clay counterparts appear. Even later, among the most privileged and richest classes of society, the tableware was made of silver and gold. Porcelain was invented in China during the Tang dynasty around 620 AD. Brought to Europe in Marco Polo times, it started a dizzying career, even though gold and silver were still at the pinnacle of exquisite. Before plates appeared, mainly meat was served on “trenchers”, that is, large pieces of bread. They were not eaten, as the etiquette required, and after the feast was over, they were placed in a special basket and given to servants or the poor.

In Poland, from the Middle Ages at least to the mid-XNUMXth century. it was eaten mainly with the hands. With fingers, portions were grabbed from the common bowl. In many cultures, such as India, you still eat with your hands. The knife was the first to appear on the table. It was used to split large portions of meat.

– Although it was known for a long time as a tool for hunting or in war, it was not until the XNUMXth century that Louis XIV forbade their use at the table, explaining that they were too dangerous. From then on, dull and rounded knives were used at the court – says the expert and adds:

– The precursor of the spoon was, among others seashell. Interestingly, the Polish word “chochla” comes from the Latin “cochlea”, which means a snail shell. Wooden spoons appeared much later. Often richly carved.

Devil’s tool

The most emotional thing was the fork. He is the youngest of the cutlery. The first, two-tooth ones, came to Europe thanks to a Byzantine princess who married a German emperor. They were brought to Poland by Queen Bona, and allegedly brought to France thanks to Henryk Waleze. – Although we can only speculate about the beginning of the fork’s career, it is a historical fact that it was not well received in Europe. He has been hailed as a devil’s tool. The opinion was widely repeated that if God had given us five fingers, what else do we need a fork for? – says the expert.

At the end of the XNUMXth century, in the richest classes, sharing dishes, eating from a common bowl or sharing cutlery was increasingly seen as an uncivilized, tactless and unpleasant practice for fellow diners. And slowly there was a need to use other cutlery, not just spoons. But even when all cutlery became a part of the minds and lives of Europeans, it was not customary to serve them on the table for all guests for a long time. They were carried with them and everyone used theirs. The etiquette of eating and using cutlery appeared last. It also depended on the type of material the cutlery was made of. For example, at manors it was not appropriate to use a knife to cut lettuce or potatoes. The faux pas was committed by those who ate the egg with a silver spoon.

– All because silver reacts chemically with them and spoils both the dishes and the cutlery itself. The egg had to be eaten with a horn spoon or a mother-of-pearl spoon. In the era of stainless steel, we do not have to worry about these rules, but when it comes to using silver, we should dust them off – explains Kamińska-Radomska.

Substantive consultation:

Dr Irena Kamińska-Radomska, anthropology / quality management. Lecturer and trainer, founder of The Protocol School of Poland training company. Mentor in the TVN program “Projekt Lady”. He teaches intercultural communication and diplomatic protocol for students from all over the world