Insecure people are often offended, because a lack of faith in their own worth makes them vulnerable. Can forgiveness and parting with hurts increase self-esteem? And where (or who) should you start?
When we lack a sense of our worth, we become especially vulnerable. We are offended by harsh words, disagreement with our opinion, manifestations of disrespect.
But accumulated resentments further undermine self-esteem. How to get out of the vicious circle? Perhaps we should…forgive all those who undermine our self-confidence.
And for this it is important to recognize that the discrepancy of opinions and disagreements between people is normal. You and your opponent may have different opinions, goals, outlooks on life. The ability to accept differences is the foundation of healthy self-esteem and self-respect.
“Differences between people are not just normal, they are necessary. Thanks to them, our world is rich in all possible talents. Imagine if everyone were the same. Where would artists, philosophers, engineers and craftsmen, teachers, leaders come from? says life coach Jessica Kaylee.
How to learn to forgive to increase self-esteem?
If you are ready to accept that differences are normal and natural, think about which of your loved ones and others you hold grudges against and whom you are not yet ready to forgive. As a clue, the coach lists three groups of people around us.
Parents and other relatives
The roots of low self-esteem often come from childhood. Perhaps you were ridiculed for your unusual appearance or thinking, or maybe your efforts were not appreciated enough.
“It seems to me that forgiving relatives is the hardest thing. It will take hard work on ourselves to realize: we have the right to disagree with the closest and most beloved people. Gradually, we will be able to leave the accumulated grievances in the past. Remember that your parents did what they thought was right, given the knowledge that was available to them, as well as their own upbringing and life experience, ”emphasizes Jessica Cayley.
Open your heart and give them what you want to receive from them and everyone else – unconditional love and acceptance.
Friends
Our self-esteem affects how we choose our friends and acquaintances. As we mature and develop, we sometimes realize that it’s time to re-evaluate our social circle.
“Before, it was difficult for me to talk to a person whom I had just met at a party or somewhere else. It seemed to me that I had nothing to interest him. On the other hand, I allowed my friends to say and do things that were unpleasant to me, and I myself always spoke very carefully, for fear of becoming a victim of ridicule or attacks. It is important to understand that we can consciously choose who we associate with, and if friends are not able to respect our personal boundaries, well, we may not be on the way, ”says the coach.
But even if you decide that further communication is pointless, it is better to forgive this person all the old grievances.
Colleagues and bosses
It’s not so easy with them. We often cannot afford to quit our jobs if colleagues or superiors treat us disrespectfully. If you are the best employee in the office, you may be overworked or afraid that you may “hook” colleagues. And if you have not yet fully mastered your duties, you may be bullied or insulted by you.
“To make it easier to forgive a person, I ask myself – is he happy? Aggressive people, bullies are often very unhappy, and it is important to understand that their rudeness is often a form of protection, ”Kaley emphasizes.
If it’s impossible to leave your job now, remember that you were hired for a reason and the employer, no matter what he says now, considered you the best candidate of all.
The authorities are not obliged to love you, but they are obliged to respect you. And “forgiveness” in this case may lie in the fact that you will conscientiously fulfill your duties and at the same time look for a new job or learn a new specialty.