Romantic fairy tales are good in childhood, but we have grown up a long time ago. It’s time to admit: the partner will not give up everything for the sake of our “big and pure” love and will not learn to read our minds. But on the other hand, we have the right to count on his respect, trust and loyalty. What else should be expected from a relationship, and what claims should be abandoned?
healthy expectations
Respect
Lack of respect in a relationship is extremely difficult to compensate for. Each of us deserves to be valued, to listen to his opinion, to respect his boundaries. How do you know if your partner doesn’t respect you too much? Pretty simple: express your views, which are fundamentally different from his opinion, and evaluate the reaction of a loved one.
Confidence
Agree: creating a close, healthy and deep connection with someone you cannot fully trust will not work. Trust is a kind of “glue” that holds the union together. It provides us with a sense of security, allows us to share our innermost things with each other without fear of judgment. Both of you need to trust each other and feel that you are trusted. Otherwise, in the long run, it is unlikely that something will work out.
Fidelity
Here it is necessary to make a reservation that in the modern world, not everyone chooses monogamous relationships. But it is always important to stick to agreements. Being faithful means not only not cheating, not sleeping with other people, but also providing a partner with a reliable rear in difficult times.
Communication
It’s hard to believe, but today marriages often break up precisely because of the lack of normal communication. Psychologist John Gottman even identifies four predictors of divorce: criticism, neglect, defensiveness, and neglect. If one of these “horsemen of the Apocalypse” is already looming on the horizon, then it’s urgently time to change something. Of course, not all of us have been taught to express our feelings and communicate in an “eco-friendly” way. But the worst thing is when you or your partner do not even try to “pump” these skills in order to save your union.
time together
It’s not about spending all your free time together. Each of you should have your own personal interests, hobbies, your circle of friends. The main question is whether you manage to prioritize each other with all this.
Equality
Once the place of a woman was exclusively in the kitchen and she did not particularly have the right to vote in important matters, and the man was obliged to fully provide for the family. But in the yard for a long time other times. So, if you feel that you have taken on too much, and your partner does not share certain responsibilities with you, it’s time to talk about it.
EXPECTATIONS WHICH IS LONG TIME TO GIVE UP
Partner must read your mind
We return to where we started. “My dear, good, guess for yourself” and “if you wanted to, you yourself would understand” are extremely harmful attitudes. The other person does not have to guess what will make you happy. So just tell him about it. It seems to many that, for example, there is something “wrong” in the flowers given “on a prompt”, but, believe me, this is a rather infantile position that will not lead to anything good.
The person you love will complete you
You are not a half, but a whole person. This is the only way to build healthy relationships. You should not expect that the partner will satisfy all your needs – including in love, attention, recognition. The more expectations of this kind you have, the higher the chance of disappointment. Learn to meet your needs on your own or by interacting with a variety of people.
There is a spark between you that will never go out.
Relationships cannot be “fireworks” around the clock until the end of time. They will have ups and downs, and periods of calm. This is absolutely normal. The main thing is not to put them on “autopilot”, but to continue working on them.
The partner will give up their needs and interests
We, humans, are mostly selfish, such is our nature. And in relationships, we mainly focus on what we ourselves want, forgetting about the needs and expectations of a partner. But this does not work: both must be happy in the union, otherwise sooner or later the relationship will end. Periodically check your “road maps”: where each of you wants to go. Look for route intersections and support each other along the way.