What is your problem? What is stopping you from enjoying life? We often think we know the answer for sure, but usually we don’t. Fortunately, psychotherapists have a simple technique that allows you to understand the situation and take a step towards change.
It all starts with an unpleasant emotion — irritation, anger or sadness. For example, you are annoyed by others. An elderly woman who continues to question the pharmacist in a measured way, despite the queue that has accumulated behind her. The driver of a neighboring car, maliciously violating the speed limit. If only everyone behaved «normally», there would be no trace of your irritation!
Or you feel sad. This dark streak never seems to end. Life is not fair, you are never lucky. If only you could be a little happier…
Is it really the cause of your condition that others behave this way, or are you yourself lacking luck? Hardly. But the fact is that it is often very difficult for us to correctly determine what our real problem is. Luckily, therapy can help.
Instead of trying to define a problem, you are encouraged to present the changes you want to achieve.
Usually, the request with which the client comes to the first appointment is not at all something that is really worth working on. In the case discussed above, for example, it is quite obvious that it is impossible to work with the behavior of others — a meticulous pensioner or a reckless driver on the road — although clients often come to therapy precisely with complaints about other people.
To help us understand this, the therapist suggests the following. He says something like: “Imagine that a miracle happens and your problem is solved overnight — for example, tonight, while you are sleeping. How will you understand this tomorrow morning when you wake up? What will change? What will your day be like? What are you going to do?»
The purpose of this exercise is to visualize the changes as colorfully as possible. Limiting yourself to the answer: “I will feel happier” will not work, you need to dig deeper. How will you feel physically? What will you do right after waking up? What will every detail of your day be like?
Instead of trying to clearly define the problem, which is quite difficult, you are encouraged to imagine the changes you want to achieve.
WHY DOES IT WORK?
It brings certainty
In order to imagine life without the current problem in maximum detail, you will have to abandon vague formulations like “I will be happier” or “I will stop being annoyed.” It’s complicated. It is much more customary to generalize and get off with general phrases.
For the most part, we prefer not to encounter specific feelings, memories, thoughts, because this is often a painful experience. You don’t want to worry about it, but you have to. The goal is not to dig into the past, but to focus on the present and the future.
This makes the problem solvable
We often think that there is nothing we can do about our situation. The problem is seen as so global that it completely deprives us of the ability to enjoy life. Seems like it will always be like this. And this attitude paralyzes us.
The therapist’s question forces one to at least imagine that an alternative scenario is possible. Fantasizing that the problem will disappear and what our new life will be like makes the situation potentially solvable.
The answer to the question contains the solution
The therapist invites us to think about the changes we want to achieve. And in the description of these changes there is already both an idea of the problem and its possible solution.
For example, in the case when we feel sad because of the bleakness and injustice of life, we can describe the changes as follows: “I wake up in the morning and feel alert and more energetic than usual. I can’t wait to get up. I put on my favorite pants and cook my favorite scrambled eggs for breakfast. Today is a day off, and I can get out of town with my family.”
After analyzing what was new on this day (a surge of energy and optimism, the opportunity to enjoy simple things, communication with loved ones), you can understand what the main problem is. In this case, most likely, we are talking about a negative mood, loneliness and lack of pleasure.
Our response may include the most diverse points that can lead to the desired changes. In the example described, this is both self-care (readiness to cook your favorite dish) and communication with others.
The main thing is that you can bring all this into your life now, without waiting for the problem to be resolved “globally”. Take small steps, the totality of which will lead to a change in the situation.
What is important to know about
Of course, if you, for example, suffer from depression, the described method is unlikely to help you — in the case of such conditions, everything is much more complicated. So do not convince yourself and others to “just do what you like” and wait for the problem to be solved. Won’t decide. In this case, you need to seek help from a specialist as soon as possible.
However, for most of us it is still useful to know that what we consider our real problem, in most cases, is not. And to find out the true state of affairs, it will be most effective to focus on change. Imagine them as clearly and in detail as possible, start acting — and the result will not be long in coming.