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– When a mother feels unwell because she is preparing to part with her father, is afraid of losing her job or is even beaten, the body reacts. The heart rate increases, the pressure rises, the abdomen hardens. Ultrasound shows that the unborn child then takes a defensive posture, crouches, sucks his thumb and freezes in this position, says Gerald Hüther, a brain researcher who shows that the behavior of a pregnant mother has a greater impact on the child’s personality than genes.
- Everything that expectant parents do can have an impact on the development and behavior of a child
- Focusing only on genes is definitely not enough, because the process of shaping our character is much more complex
- Gerald Hüther, brain researcher from Gottingen explains why and how parents’ behavior affects the child’s psyche and personality
Julia Koch, «Der Spiegel»: When Does Mental Development Begin?
Gerald Huether: Even when two people decide to conceive a child with each other. They already have a definite idea of what the child might one day be. Nobody can get away from it. This attitude of expectation has a decisive influence on the experiences the child will have with these parents one day. They will become guidelines for life.
And the baby feels all this before it is born?
No, it only starts to feel when you interact with your parents. But the first home of the soul is the womb. During pregnancy, the baby’s brain creates network structures based on signals from the body. Thus, a brain is created that will be able to optimally regulate all processes taking place in the body. Even before birth, he is individually shaped by what comes to him from his own body and its surroundings.
Does it also include the mother’s experiences during her pregnancy?
Of course. A lot is realized for the child. He hears his mother’s voice, leading to the easiest way to calm them down after giving birth through these familiar sounds. He will even prefer certain spices if they played a large part in his mother’s diet.
What is it all for?
Children are born relatively immature and helpless. So they benefit from the fact that they are not constantly faced with something new, but with things they already know. The closeness of the mother strengthens the bond with her also after birth. Being born into a world where everything is new to a child means tremendous stress for a little man. So he calms down when there is someone with him whose sounds and smells the newborn knows from his earlier life.
Does it mean that every pregnancy is the perfect preparation for life?
In fact, yes. But the unborn child shares all her experiences – joyful and not. When a mother feels unwell about breaking up with her father, fears losing her job, or even gets beaten, her body reacts. Heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, abdominal wall becomes hard. Thanks to ultrasound, you can see that unborn babies are then defensive. For example, when they are relaxed and suck on their thumb and the mother is suddenly stressed, they immediately freeze in this position.
Does it also have long-term effects?
Of course. If, in such a situation, the child often hears loud sounds made by the father, for example, it will be associated with an unpleasant sensation. And he’ll get scared later when the father speaks a little louder again. In the first years after birth, security is the most important thing of all. Therefore, young children experience very strong tensions in family relationships, when, for example, violent arguments often break out at home. Under the influence of such stress, they may develop worse. In this way, they become a distorted version of the human.
What happens when the mother is well?
Then the child already in her womb experiences an absolute sense of security and bliss. The abdominal shell relaxes, the heart beats very calmly. Also, such experiences can be associated with other sensations. With the swaying when the mother dances, or with the music she listens to when she feels good. However, the emotions he feels at the time are decisive. If you don’t like classical music, it won’t do you any good to play Mozart’s unborn child. Music must also have an effect on the mother.
But aren’t talents predominantly hereditary, largely independent of the child’s external influences and experiences?
Genetic predisposition naturally plays a large role, but it determines physical characteristics more. Our rigid look at genes prevented us from seeing what is really important in personality development – the fact that it is a fascinating process of self-organization. That is why everything that develops later depends so much on the foundation that arises before birth and in the first years of life.
What’s the benefit of so little being predetermined?
In an enormously complex environment that is constantly changing and requiring more and more skills, the ability to adapt is important to survival. And the human brain has the greatest adaptability in the entire animal world. Thanks to this, human children can survive wherever there are other people who will help them and show what is important.
When does a child become aware of his own personality?
The real sense of self begins to develop at the age of two or three, when the little one uses the first person to define himself. Then an image of yourself, who you are, arises. This construction depends to a large extent on the experiences with which he had and is currently dealing in the family home. Was it received with all its uniqueness, or was it more of a kind of exhibition facility? Even small children can distinguish it very clearly.
How does this affect their character?
In our successful society today, we tend to see the other person not as they are, but try to do something about them. We make other people the object of our evaluation and we give them our wise advice, and we make children the object of our educational efforts. However, the one who has become the object loses the inner desire to develop, learn and test for himself.
What is the effect of this?
Children have a profound need to be seen as independent personalities. At the same time, however, they want to please their parents. When one disagrees with the other it becomes a powerful disruptor, and little ones from all strata of society can be at risk. Such children are constantly stressed.
Most parents act in good faith. What do you advise them?
The best strategy is to rely on your child with a clear conscience, this is how an independent being grows up. Thanks to this method, parents will not make too many mistakes. They don’t have to be perfect, they’re not machines after all.
Does this mean that our offspring can do whatever they want, because it leads to independent development?
Of course not! Parents bear responsibility, they must accompany the child with love, take care that it does not go astray on its way. For example, when, as a father, I explain to my child what behavior I do not want, I show him that he is important to me – without making him the subject of my judgments and accusations.
Easier said than done.
Perhaps. But if we want to help people be good parents, it can’t be done with constant advice and guidance. That is why even families with problems do not benefit from the allocation of many state helpers.
What will help then?
We actually need a different culture of mutual treatment. In our society, mothers and fathers are often pressured to do everything flawlessly, and at the same time feel left on their own because there are no longer any large, multi-generational families or rural communities in which many people have cared for their child. From time immemorial, children grew up in age-diverse groups within a given community. When this is missing, they may be at the mercy and disgrace of their parents’ whims and quirks.