Do you respect yourself?

Their manner is to walk, clinging to the walls. Their comfort is to remain unnoticed. Their “fad” is like a banner or shield, to carry their shortcomings in front of them. Their special talent is to be rejected and… unbearable. The main milestones of their lives are failures. Those who do not value themselves cannot love themselves.

Always doubting themselves, they are convinced that loving themselves is a sign of vanity and selfishness, which they are (fortunately!) deprived of. Sobriety of views is the only positive quality that they recognize in themselves. Can you learn to appreciate yourself even if you don’t love yourself? There are several ways that will allow you to change the usual strategy of life and gain self-respect.

«I’m not worth anything»

Disappointing and believing in yourself again

Often our destiny is determined in adolescence, when it is still difficult to understand who we are. We look for ourselves in all mirrors. And when, having flunked an exam or dragged on a joint, a teenager clearly sees that others consider him a loser, a drug addict, a delinquent, he finds in these labels an understandable model of his personality. It’s better to be considered «good-for-nothing» than to be a nobody, to be lost in anonymity.

So in response to self-doubt, negative self-identification arises. Over time, the model “that’s how bad I am” finally triumphs. The meaning of life becomes to constantly prove: I really am like that. And when a teenager grows up, this label — negative self-identification — still serves as his calling card and eliminates the need to make any effort so that people see his true face.

Millions of people in their youth committed unseemly acts, flunked exams, tried «grass». However, most of them have long forgotten about this, because they were able to realize themselves as individuals.

If you think you’re really «worthless,» try something you haven’t done before: go to an orphanage, a refugee fund, or the homeless. Next to you you will see those who really need you. These people will give you a chance to regain respect for yourself and change the sign of self-identification from «minus» to «plus». It is very important one day to know that others can rely on you. Over time, you will begin to trust yourself and be able, already consciously, to choose who you are.

«I am a loser»

Recognize your “defeat mindset”

She failed to successfully graduate from the institute, although the teachers considered her smart and quick-witted. But she heard only the verdict of her strict mother: “You will never succeed. You are a loser!» She, by and large, paid attention only to her failures — no successes could destroy this delusion.

Many are familiar with such losers-virtuosos. When everything goes well, they are overcome with fear, and they give up the work they have begun. It seems that only a new failure restores their peace of mind.

Bitter repetitions of our failures always have an ulterior motive: it is often a failure mindset that begins in early childhood. To get out of the vicious circle of failure, you need to break the unspoken «peace treaty» with your parents and admit that they were wrong.

Start small — decide on it, and then stubbornly move towards yourself — that version of yourself that your parents did not foresee. To revive yourself, you need to create something: draw, cook, plant strawberries in the country — do anything and try to hear those who appreciate your creativity. An important condition: keep a diary and write down your transformations step by step.

«I can’t be loved»

Learn to notice the gifts of fate

Everyone knows such people: gloomy, anxious, grumpy and constantly dissatisfied, they always look for the negative side in everything. Victims and martyrs, they are eternally unhappy. Life does not love them. Their moments of joy do not last long. They consider themselves unworthy of love because they have never been loved.

Before, many of us were convinced that bad things would inevitably happen again: if we were treated harshly in childhood, then we will be strict with our children. If we are not loved, then we will not be able to love. And, of course, everyone who has experienced a lack of parental tenderness knows this feeling: happiness is not for me …

A person can give to others what he did not receive or did not experience himself. Even if we were not loved as children, we are still capable of both loving and succeeding in life. This is confirmed by the experience of many people, and science knows this. To give, to give people pleasure, to love — every person knows how, this is our nature.

It is not easy to believe that there are gifts in life and for you. Make a list of what makes you happy, remember those who were kind to you. And you will find that fate smiled at you repeatedly. What would your life be like if you had not met this or that person at the decisive moment? Tell yourself that everyone gets richer thanks to other people, that every moment of life is important — say it.

«I’m just a bastard»

Accept your imperfection

He never misses an opportunity to say nasty things. He does not hide his shortcomings, as if trying to cause hatred for himself, and enjoys the fact that he awakens such feelings in people. As a rule, for such a person from early childhood it is important to be «the very best.»

Such a child (later — a teenager) wants to get everything and cannot overcome disappointment: he wants to be the best and does not agree — like everyone else. What remains? Try to be the worst. Having failed to achieve perfection in the good, he strives to achieve it in the bad.

It’s never too late to set the bar high and admit your right to make mistakes. Of course, it is more difficult for an adult to accept his imperfection, it is difficult to believe that his life strategy is determined by the fear of real relationships, the desire to protect himself from emotional risk. Try to write what you love and what you hate about yourself.

Ask people you know what they value and what annoys them about you. Perhaps you are ready to meet with a psychologist and conduct a personality test. Try it — and you will learn about yourself, your character, personality traits, abilities and talents that you don’t even suspect. Why not take advantage of all this? Maybe you will discover: small joys bring as many pleasant moments as small nasty things.