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Do you have to be romantic to show that you are in love?
Couple
Gallantry and chivalry are concepts that some people reject or find out of date.
During the last season of the media program ‘The island of temptations’, some of the singles who were there to conquer a girl took out their romantic weapons for a walk: there were not one or two, but three, the boys who decided to leave in the his ‘girl’ bed a romantic message (“How pretty you are”) written with flowers and leaves. And that gesture of loveWhile it delighted its recipients, it caused many viewers to twist their noses in front of the screen, calling the act ‘cheesy’, ‘tacky’ and even ‘seedy’.
If before the courtship, chivalry and that more traditional romanticism was the norm of the dynamic among many couples, there are things that have changed. This is not to say that romanticism no longer exists, but codes have evolved alongside society and flirtation and romantic acts often follow another pattern. «Now we see a critical discourse towards the paradigm of romantic love, associated in turn with sexism and the ‘heteropatriarchal’. For example, more and more traditional courtesy is associated with a submissive or passive role of women ”, explains Rafael San Román, ifeel psychologist. It points out that these acts do not have to be intrinsically macho. He believes that the problem is often not the specific behaviors, but the attitude with which they are done and what they symbolize within the relationship. Also, it ensures that it is important to combat the vision according to which the chivalrous it’s just something that protective men have. “It is not possible to think that a woman cannot be proactively gallant and protective, or that protecting the other translates into diminishing him,” he points out.
The personal of romanticism
All these romantic acts that we talk about have to be framed within the context of each couple, because depending on each dynamic, and each individual, romantic acts can violate us or make us happy. «When we start a relationship we get to know our partner: if it is as romantic as we hope, or if what you want is a more realistic and less pink treatment», Explains Sheila Estévez, a psychologist specializing in emotional conflicts.
Are we, then, less romantic than our grandparents could be? While Estévez thinks that we have become more realistic, San Román says that, although from that impression, “we are not as modern as a society as some people like to think.” Usually, the psychologist indicates that we are no less romantic, detail-oriented or gentlemanly, but “we are in ways that evolve and that are adjusted to our personality, our resources and, above all, to our specific relationship.”
Although it is spoken in a general way, the ‘level’ of romanticism, of each person is a world. How romantic we are is influenced by our ideals, as well as how sensitive and sentimental we have inside. To be able to see where and how this romanticism is ‘born’ to us, Sheila Estévez comments that it is essential to identify where we are on a personal level. In this way we can determine if we are a romantic person in a specific relationship, if we always are or if it depends on how the other person is.
Is romanticism dead?
Even so, it is important not to confuse romanticism with love, since the former is just a way of expressing what we feel, and loving someone can be transmitted in different ways. «It is very good to be romantic because ties and feelings must be expressed, feed them and celebrate them. However, it has to be done from spontaneity and authenticity ”, Rafael San Román warns. And, if we are great romantics, but then we do not take care of our partners and we show off that love that we express, it is useless to be. “There are people who are not romantic because they just don’t feel it. They fall in love, they love and they love, but not from that point of view », adds Sheila Estévez.
Another peculiarity that can occur is when in a couple the balance of romanticism is unbalanced and one of the parties is much more so than the other. This, says the psychologist specializing in emotional conflicts, is likely to occur and if it is the case, she says that the important thing is to focus on the things that unite rather than on those that create distances. Also, note that being romantic not only has to do with the couple, but it can be important in any vital sphere: friendships, family relationships or even involvement with the work that one has. «Taking care of that part of oneself, getting excited with art, with a hobby, with nature, or with anything that moves us emotionally makes that part more romantic, sensitive or emotional, full. Not everything we have to do as a couple, “ends the professional.