Stereotypes about female sexuality are still alive in our minds. One of them is that a woman can afford desire only when she loves. Meanwhile, attraction and tender feelings sometimes exist completely independently of each other.
If you imagine that the female genital organ is a nest where the penis will look in order to establish itself there and leave its mark, then it is clear why a woman needs trust in a relationship more than a man. And the path to trust is tenderness, love and the desire to thoroughly know the partner in order to feel safe at the moment of intercourse.
Add to this the age-old ban on female desire, which has always been considered destructive and insatiable. Society wanted to tame him, reduce him to the performance of marital duty, so that a man could perform a sexual act without fear.
In the name of love, that noble feeling that society unanimously approves, a woman allows herself to experience attraction, suppressing what disturbs her as a manifestation of instincts.
Indulging in her good feelings, she gives a man peace of mind, relationships — stability, and her plans to become a mother — the opportunity to come true. A woman gives herself to a man in the name of love, and not for the sake of her desire and deeply hidden fantasies. But isn’t she driving herself into a trap?
The story gets even funnier when a woman who allegedly cannot have sexual ambitions decides to commit adultery. As in Scrabble, her blasphemy is doubled as she feels both desire and love. A man in such a situation would begin to assure that «an accidental affair does not count,» and his behavior would be considered more excusable.
It turns out that a woman who is attracted is certainly a bad mother and, therefore, guilty
Yes, women’s desire is still to blame for everything! Does this mean that a woman is reduced (and she reduces herself) to a disinterested vocation to satisfy the needs of her husband and children, since it is commonly believed that she cannot seek only sexual pleasures?
It turns out that a woman who is attracted and wants to know her erotic potential is certainly a bad mother and, therefore, guilty? That is, if she is not a «Madonna», then certainly a «whore»?
Meanwhile, desire is a manifestation of curiosity, and in sex a personal impulse is expressed for another person for the sake of oneself, and not for the sake of another. This is how both men and women are arranged, and there is no malicious intent in this. On the contrary, it is precisely when each strives for his own pleasure that two have a chance to give something to each other. So they will meet sooner and gain real intimacy.
It is strange to think that a woman is attracted only when she loves; no less strange to believe that the pleasure experienced together does not cause emotions, that feelings are not born in sex.
Let’s not be afraid of our desires, since we are not afraid of feelings. One should not justify the other, because both — desire and feeling — make us embark on this adventure, which turns into a meeting of two, and both reveal to us our human nature.
About the Author: Catherine Blanc is the author of Women’s Sexuality (La sexualité des femmes n’est pas celle des magazines, Évolution, 2009).