Despite the abundance of information, we still have a lot of prejudices that can complicate intimate life. Sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc analyzes one of these dissenting views every month.
“Is it really? Not really. Any stereotype is based on real facts, but misinterprets them. We emphasize right away: a man and a woman are two creatures with a sex, experiencing sexual desire with equal force. But if the first is ready to accept this state of affairs and even sees in it an expression of his masculine nature, the second resists him. For centuries, man seems to have been afraid of woman’s desire, fearing that he would not be able to satisfy it. And the woman was absorbed in the fact that she wanted to save the relationship and not frighten her partner, since his presence next to her is necessary for her to implement a project called “child”. Therefore, for her, male desire is usually more important than her own needs. This common image of a woman who does not have spontaneous sexual desire has a calming effect: the man continues to take the initiative, the woman consoles herself with the fact that she needs stimulation from him. He perceives sex life as a way to release tension. She, burdened with everyday worries, perceives penetration as an additional intrusion into her life. A man can only sigh at the thought of how many caresses it will take to drag her into bed … This is where they go the wrong way! Why?
Even before any caresses, a woman needs to feel herself in a soft cocoon of intimacy in order to accept her sexual desire: partners must look at each other, touch each other, again feel that connection that will gradually lead them to a state of excitement. Without this “cocoon”, without an atmosphere of intimacy, feverish stimulation of the clitoris can cause discomfort and even muscle spasm … Remember: at the beginning of the relationship, you were so drawn to each other that there was no need for endless caresses! The real foreplay is your feeling. And it is he who must be protected with love.
Catherine Blanc is the author of the book “Female Sexuality” (“La sexualite des femmes n’est pas celle des magazines”. La martiniere, 2004).