Contents
- For me, gallantry is…
- … a dream (Svetlana, 31 years old)
- … a measure of sincerity (Polina, 21 years old)
- …ideal (Maria, 20 years old)
- …tradition (Andrey, 44 years old)
- …effort (Sergey, 23 years old)
- … hypocrisy (Oksana, 46 years old)
- … a game (Alexander, 35 years old)
- …comfort in relationships (Alexander, 55)
- …common sense (Vladimir, 37 years old)
- “There is nothing natural in gallantry”
For some, it is a way of seduction, for others it is part of self-esteem, for others it is just good manners … Everyone puts their own meaning into the word “chivalry”. What does this behavior give us and why does it disappear from our lives?
Give a coat, kindly open the door, move a chair or offer a hand on the steps … “What do you think of gallantry?” – we asked this question to a variety of people, men and women, and asked the experts to express their opinion.
“Gallance is closely connected with such a quality as good breeding,” comments public figure Irina Khakamada. – In my understanding, it involves a combination of secular traditions that prescribe certain canons of communication with a woman, and a male demonstration of an admiring attitude towards her.
The protocol for the gallant treatment of a woman finally took shape in the high society of the nineteenth century. For an aristocrat, such behavior was absolutely natural, but today it is a rarity, a feature of rather conservative circles, where people attach particular importance to a high level of communication.
Today, many women perceive gallantry as something inappropriate, a manifestation of male superiority, or even an insult.
So, in the diplomatic environment, of course, they observe the canons of gallant behavior – it is spelled out in the ethical code of diplomats. And if it disappears from our daily life, then the main reason for this is the lack of appropriate education in the family and school.
Also, this process is to a certain extent associated with female emancipation, which does not imply any gallantry. Some business women even see something reprehensible in her: supposedly they do not communicate with them on an equal footing. But, in my opinion, to think so is as stupid as to take male gallantry for a manifestation of love. For me, gallantry is a cultural formula of behavior, not an attitude.”
“Today, this is more likely to be perceived as the behavior of a warrior man, strong in spirit, who is able and should show respect, care and patience towards a weaker one,” says social psychologist Ekaterina Dubovskaya. “However, today, not all women want to be treated as weak, and therefore sometimes they perceive gallantry as something inappropriate, a manifestation of male superiority, or even an insult. And men, in turn, wonder why they should behave gallantly.
On the other hand, in the situation of dating and courtship, gallantry becomes a kind of game that allows men and women to experience love attraction. This game component can also help those partners who are already in a long-term relationship: mutual courtesy, courtesy and politeness help to avoid routine, feed mutual sympathy and the desire to be together.
“I don’t think that gallantry is doomed to extinction,” concludes Irina Khakamada. “On the contrary, the current (and in my opinion, ugly!) attitude of a man towards a woman is doomed to extinction. The high pace of life, the hustle and bustle, communication on the run, the lack of beautiful manners, real feelings – we are all tired of this. In today’s society, traditional values and forms of human relations are becoming more and more in demand. This also applies to the culture of our behavior. Many want to stop and remember what we have almost – but still not completely – lost.
For me, gallantry is…
… a dream (Svetlana, 31 years old)
“In my opinion, women themselves are more to blame for the fact that gallantry is becoming a thing of the past: emancipated, independent, they do not notice the signs of attention that men give them. And those, in turn, ceased to consider it something necessary.
And I want to be around a gallant and caring man. I’m sure that in the depths of their souls all women dream of this!
… a measure of sincerity (Polina, 21 years old)
“Real gallantry is not striking. If a man knows how to be disinterestedly courteous and polite, I consider this a very valuable quality.
But when a man obsessively shows signs of attention, then his gallantry turns into ordinary flirting for me.
…ideal (Maria, 20 years old)
“I am always pleased when they hold the door for me, help me park the car, or just kindly ask how I am doing. It is from these little things that the image of the ideal man is formed in my mind.
It would be a shame if everyone stopped being gallant at all!”
…tradition (Andrey, 44 years old)
“Being gallant, that is, taking care of your lady by offering her a hand or giving her a coat, is so natural that I don’t even think about it!
I am sorry that many men do not do this and such a good tradition, alas, is gradually disappearing.
…effort (Sergey, 23 years old)
“I think that a man should first of all behave naturally towards a woman. I try to be courteous, polite, but it’s important not to overdo it.
After all, if you are too gallant at the first meeting, then later you will have to keep the brand … always! What if I can’t do it?”
… hypocrisy (Oksana, 46 years old)
“In my opinion, gallantry is an excess. It definitely has a certain element of acting and even posturing.
If a man tries too hard to take care of me, I immediately say that I don’t like it. So that he does not wait for response signals from me. I don’t like hypocrisy!”
… a game (Alexander, 35 years old)
“I want to anticipate the thoughts of a woman, bring a different meaning to our communication, make it brighter. Of course, while respecting her personal space.
Gallantry is the quality of those for whom life is a theater, a game, and who wants to make this game more interesting.
…comfort in relationships (Alexander, 55)
“To be gallant means to be able to behave, to try to coexist comfortably with other people.
It is not difficult for me personally, for example, to pull a chair for a woman, to give a coat or to help out of the car. A lot of it is just a matter of upbringing.”
…common sense (Vladimir, 37 years old)
“You can complain as much as you like about the pace of modern life, which allegedly does not allow you to be gallant and courteous, but here’s a simple question: why are we gallant with women? Because in return they become even more feminine and attractive! So, it is beneficial to be gallant in a good way.
“There is nothing natural in gallantry”
This is the opinion of the historian, writer and feminist Florence Monreyno … and convincingly argues her opinion.
“The gallantry is gone. She is one of those treasures of the past that we often grieve about, such as respect for parents or the taste of real tomatoes … We forget that she was not always there. We do not think that perhaps this tradition no longer makes sense: is it true that where women are kissed on their hands, they are really respected more? We also forget that the same man is not gallant with all women and is not even always equally courteous with the same one. The one who helps me put on my coat may scold the cloakroom attendant, the one who opens the car door for me may scold the woman who cut him.
Chivalry is leaving, and some believe that women who demand equality are to blame for this: they want too much, you have to choose one thing. I made my choice: with equal work, equal pay. If the man who lets me in front of the office is not shy about getting 25% more than me for the same job, his gallantry is costing me too much.
And then, if it comes to promotion, is there anyone who will say: “Madame, only after you”? Gallantry has a history. This model of relationship arose in the south of France in the XNUMXth century, at the same time as what would later be called courtly love. It was based on the cult of the beautiful lady, the wife of the lord, and on the suppressed male desire. The young knight was taught that he was different from the common people in that he could respect one idealized woman and thus better serve her real master, his liege …
There is nothing natural in gallantry: let’s pay tribute to those for whom such behavior is spontaneous, but perhaps these men learned it under the influence of women, mothers who “brought them up well”? By the way, all Don Juans know that flies are caught for honey, and girls – with the help of gallant compliments. So does it make sense to pay attention to gallantry?
Women, of course, prefer real tenderness, coming from the heart, to false politeness. If artificial chivalry disappears today, then this is not bad. A man holding a subway door in front of a woman acts gallantly. And if a woman holds the door in front of someone else? She acts … normally, just like a human being!