Do we become introverts as we age?

Many notice that over time they become more and more immersed in themselves and less and less ready for active socialization. “The same thing happens to me,” writes Jenn Granneman, who has devoted most of her career to studying and supporting introverts. “In high school and college, I spent every Friday and Saturday evening and night away from home. I hung out with friends – even though as an introvert it exhausted me. And now, having exchanged my fourth decade, I can say that I have a minimum of social activity in my plans.

And Jenn is not the only one who slows down the rhythm of communication over the years. She talks about her very extrovert childhood friend, who now also spends evenings at home with her family.

So, are we really becoming more and more introverted? Yes exactly. In any case, Susan Cain, author of the book “Silence. The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking.” As we get older, we really start to lead a more solitary lifestyle.

Psychologists call this phenomenon inner maturation: as the years go by, a person becomes more balanced, “like a wine that ages with nobility,” Kane writes. Leaving adolescence behind, we gain greater emotional stability, awareness, and the ability to negotiate with others.

Many of us are becoming more peaceful and self-sufficient, and socialization is much less necessary for happiness. Both introverts and extroverts begin to enjoy a quiet life over the years.

Scientists observe the process of internal maturation not only in humans (such studies were carried out in Germany, the UK, the Czech Republic and Turkey), but also in monkeys, in particular, in chimpanzees.

Change for the better

From the point of view of evolution, becoming more introverted with age is natural, logical and generally good. And that’s why. According to Kane, “High levels of extraversion encourage mating. Most of us are most socially active during adolescence and adolescence.” In other words, it is active socialization that helps in young years to find a partner and form a family. This task is inherent in us by nature.

Then, usually around the age of 30, we settle down and remain in a permanent relationship. Accordingly, meeting a lot of new people is no longer necessary. “If the goal of the first half of life is to find yourself and your place in it, then in the second it is important to find the meaning of existence.”

In what Jenn Granneman calls “married with kids,” it would be difficult to stay loyal to one partner, let alone raise kids, while continuing to move from party to party. So it seems to gradually become more introverted – for the better. For family, relationships and career.

I was born an introvert – I stayed an introvert

But there is an important nuance here. Only our personality traits can change dramatically, Granneman argues. The temperature remains unchanged. This means that, most likely, an introvert will always remain an introvert, either at 8 or at 80 years old. And an extrovert, even if it slows down with age, will always remain an extrovert in its essence.

This idea is supported by a study conducted at Harvard. Psychologists Jerome Kagan and Nancy Sneedman began monitoring young children back in 2004. In particular, scientists recorded on video the reactions of babies to unfamiliar stimuli. Some children were crying and waving their arms and legs. This part of the group was very sensitive to the environment – “highly reactive”. Others, when faced with the same stimuli, remained calm. These were “low-reactive” children.

A few years later, Kagan and Sneedman conducted an experiment with the same subjects who had grown up. Highly reactive children, even at an older age, were cautious and shy. Low-reactive remained contact and bold. This confirmed that our basic temperament does not change even as we grow older.

Alumni meeting is a visual confirmation

“If you still have doubts about this, remember the last reunion,” suggests Granneman.

Let’s say that in high school you were a very introverted teenager – say, the fifth most withdrawn student in your class. Now you have grown up and feel much more comfortable, but moreover, you have become more introverted due to age. If you once liked to hang out once a week, now, in your XNUMXs, meeting up with friends once a month is enough.

And then you come to the anniversary of the release and notice that everything around has slowed down a bit. All of the former classmates now enjoy a quieter, more stable adult life. But those who were extroverts in their youth are now much more active in communication than you are.

So, you are still the fifth in the class in terms of the degree of introversion. It’s just that you as a whole class moved a little in this direction.

And this is not bad at all, Jenn Granneman is sure. Perhaps this is exactly what we should mature to as adults. If anyone knows what a truly calm and quiet life can be like, it’s introverts.