«Do you like going to school?» the neighbor asked ten-year-old Natasha. — «Like. But the mathematician clings to me all the time. He extorts money, wants us to hire her as a tutor.
Two girls are quarreling. One says to the other: “I won’t hang out with you, you are as greedy as your mother, you row everything for yourself!”
Three-year-old Anton approaches the swing. A one-year-old baby swings on them. “Listen, mother, film your child. And then she’s completely insolent, while other children also want to swing! ”
Alyosha’s mother was visited by her boss, a respectable lady of advanced years. Setter Bonn ran out to meet her. He sniffed the stranger, got his curious nose under her skirt. “Bonn, stop it,” Alyosha slapped the dog on the nose and said in a secular tone: “Well, what can you do with him, a real man!”
All four mothers, who witnessed their children’s statements, blush deeply and drag them aside to make a suggestion. The little speakers are at a loss because they didn’t say anything, they just repeated what their mothers said.
Often, parents, believing that their child is still small and does not understand anything, allow themselves very unflattering remarks about acquaintances, relatives or teachers in front of their children. In part, they are right — the child may indeed not understand the meaning of the conversation, but, like a tape recorder, he winds adult expressions and judgments about others around him.
So what can and what can not be said in front of children?
The girl imitates adults.
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— Morality should be one. The shame that parents experience because of their children is far from the worst thing. The saddest thing is that the child at the same time learns the first lessons of double morality: what is possible «behind the eyes» should not be said in the eyes, otherwise you will be punished. Is it any wonder that very soon the child will learn to deceive, hypocrisy, dodge. After all, you, your parents, taught him this. If a friend came to visit you and you just need to discuss mutual acquaintances with her, first of all make sure that your baby does not spin around, keep him busy with something.
— Don’t break authority. As for teachers, in no case should they be discussed in front of children. After all, learning is largely based on the authority of the teacher. Think for yourself how a child will learn from him, knowing in advance that the teacher is a “bribery”, “psychopath”, “stupid”, “knows nothing” and that she has long had “senile insanity”.
— Quarreling is allowed. It is generally accepted that parents should not sort out their own relationship in front of their children. But on this account there is another, very authoritative opinion. The well-known Polish psychiatrist Kempinski believes that a stormy quarrel followed by an equally stormy reconciliation is much less traumatic for a child than a “hidden” one, when parents carefully pretend that everything is fine. The child literally feels enmity with his skin, becomes anxious, he may begin to become depressed.
— Discuss, but wisely. Many parents doubt whether it is possible to discuss with the child himself. It is possible and even necessary. If you want to tell your husband how good your baby is, how well he did and what achievements he has, good luck. But for some reason, most mothers prefer to “complain” about the child, they say, let him be ashamed. But he is not a bit ashamed, moreover, the effect is often the opposite, the child is waiting for his mother to tell about his «exploits» in order to immediately perform new ones.
It is very difficult to refrain from retelling the cute naive statements of the baby («Imagine, my yesterday says …»). But this is already redundant. After all, children’s «opuses» are born directly, the child does not set himself the goal of being witty. Seeing the reaction to his statement, next time he will try to “joke” purposefully. And this is not funny, but rather mannered. Yes, and unnecessary egocentrism should not be formed, not to mention the fact that mothers often embellish the story in stories.
— Watch your own speech. To be honest, sometimes we allow ourselves slang words in front of children. And then we are surprised that the child pronounces them. There is no particular crime in this. To justify yourself to a child, you can say that these expressions have a certain meaning and they can only be used in a place, but it’s better not to use them at all (minus your reputation). But it is much worse if the child accidentally hears your conversation, where you change your pure literary speech to jargon with obscene intersperses. This is again a question of «double» morality.