A fulfilling life does not necessarily mean motherhood. Selfishness, irresponsibility, immaturity: not wanting a child is still poorly accepted by society. What if we were the first to judge ourselves? Read our tips on how to finally get rid of the guilt of not wanting a child.

Not to want a child is a personal feeling, as well as a decision resulting from a long process of thought. However, accepting this lack of desire for motherhood is really far from obvious. It is indeed difficult to escape the model of the blooming woman amazed by her little toddlers. After thirty years, indiscreet questions from relatives fuse, especially if you are in a relationship: “so when do you get started?” This is a situation experienced by both women and men, even if the latter are not faced with a “biological” type emergency. However, there are many ways to live your life, and no one should impose a single model on you. When faced with your insistent loved ones, argue that this is a very personal choice, which is up to you and, possibly, your partner.

We all have friends who claim it: they always wanted children. The desire for motherhood is neither rational nor quantifiable: it is felt. It is exactly the same in the opposite case, when you do not feel like a parent. It is an absolutely legitimate feeling, which requires neither justification nor arguments. And there is no reason that others try to intervene, with this famous argument of the time: “in a few years, it will be too late and you will regret it”. Imagine for a moment that the situation is reversed, and you ask a friend: “But why do you want children?” You will bite your fingers in ten years ”. This is just as ridiculous.

Parenthood is associated with many ready-made ideas. It would be the most beautiful thing in the world, the only way to feel complete. Make children the only way to salvation? Isn’t there something infinitely sad about this statement? What works for the happiness of others doesn’t necessarily apply to you. And take with tolerance the people who tell you that “you cannot understand, you have no children”, or that “you will see when you are a mother, you will be transformed”. No discussion, no decision has ever been soundly entered into with such authoritative arguments. Having a child can be wonderful, but it is not the only wonder available to us in everyday life. Losing your independence, being responsible for a lifelong being, having to compromise your professional or personal development are all real valid reasons for refusing to give birth.

There is no shame in not feeling a maternal or paternal instinct. It is not at all a defect, on the contrary. So you have no reason to explain it to yourself. It is a lifestyle choice, different from the majority. As always, those who deviate from the norm are seen as suspect, sick, or full of loopholes. Their well-being calls into question the dominant model. Take a step back, and listen to your own needs. The main thing is to feel in harmony with your choices, your convictions, in order to achieve a form of balance and to approach happiness. Having a baby is not a decision to be taken lightly; the reverse is just as true. It is therefore useless to adopt a behavior which is not yours, which does not reflect your personality, or which derogates from your values. Do what you think is closest to your truth, and stop worrying about outside looks. Assuming your freedom, that of wanting or not wanting a child, will undoubtedly make you even stronger.

It is essential to listen carefully to your deepest desires, in all sincerity, for matters as important as parenthood or its absence. Do not let yourself be overwhelmed by guilt in any way, and live in accordance with your choices: this is the key to a true fulfilling life.