We want to live courageously and act decisively. But sometimes there are situations when it seems to us that everything is lost. How not to let fear take over our destiny? Stories of those who managed to cope with difficult situations, and comments from experts.
So, I had an operation. By the way, cavity. I remember how the young surgeon clicked his tongue, looking at the pictures. And although he assured me that he did not see anything complicated, in the end I spent five hours on the operating table. Then three days of resuscitation. Troublesome rehabilitation — well, everything that is supposed to be in such stories.
But while we are talking about preparation — short, but very nervous. After all, everything needs to be done without stopping — here and there to consult, take tests, make decisions. I don’t even have time to think if I’m afraid of the surgeon. My loved ones are shaking for me, and I perceive it more as a new adventurous experience.
The day before the hospital I go to the underwear store. The catch is a nightgown, two pajamas: light gray and colored, a dressing gown with a hood. I am satisfied. The next day — bath, swimming pool, pedicure. Frivolously? Well, this is at first glance. I’m just paying off a possible depression. However, I passed the session ahead of schedule, attached the child to my mother, stocked up on books and films. Seriously approached. Missed nothing. There was virtually no time to panic. Although the light gray pajamas had been waiting in the wings for about a month.
Nevertheless, I clearly remember how I loved my decision from the first minute. Firstly, the responsibility is happily shifted to a specialist — you won’t claim that you yourself are a specialist in your health, will you? Well, unless you’re a doctor, of course. Secondly — oh, what a surgeon I had! You should have seen! How can you not trust him? He defended my doctoral thesis on me, then at discharge he showed a film about my inner life.
But even when five different surgeons were thinking about what to do with me — cut or leave it as it is, I rooted for the first one with all my heart. The thought that my life would be burdened with a passing cargo in the form of a delayed bomb plunged me into despondency. The uncertainty was so annoying that when the choice was made, I put together a grand party. My family, however, no, no, yes, strayed into a sympathetic tone. But that didn’t matter anymore. I was not afraid of the operation. I surprised myself. Why?
I thought, why be afraid?
First: pain. Come on, with the current anesthesia — it’s embarrassing to even talk. Cross out.
Second: something will go wrong. But the chances of “going wrong” without a surgeon are much greater than with a surgeon. If you weigh everything before going to bed.
Thirdly … further costs in the form of various restrictions. Well, you’ve been planning to work on yourself for a long time — so start tomorrow morning. Tea in the morning, an enema in the evening — did you dream of losing weight?
Excellent arguments, did you write everything down? I will also try to keep them in the asset, although it turned out that people in such cases are able to remain calm by no means because of personal courage or rare prudence.
The surgeons themselves, by the way, admit that the risk associated with surgical intervention fully justifies the fears of the patient.
Surgeon Irina Kotova believes that the fear of surgery grows on absolutely real grounds (unlike many other fears generated solely by fantasies). Suspicion in such a situation is rather indifference. But intense fear is not just about violating our boundaries—in this case, those of the body. The fact is that these violations can lead to irreversible changes — good or bad, we don’t really know. The main thing is our fear of changing what we have, what we are used to — the way of life, the coordinate system, appearance, even feeling unwell — it can also be perceived as a norm that is difficult to refuse.
Panic fear is an extremely traumatic state of mind that is incompatible with the trust (in the doctor) put in the case. Therefore, it is so important to get rid of fear, both doctors and psychologists believe.
To cope with this kind of anxiety, according to Alexander Kolmanovsky, a simple way helps: imagine another person in this state, for example, your child. Trying to lessen his fears is a good way to deal with your own. He is afraid — and you are trying to console him, to talk. After all, our pros and cons are on the same shelf in our imaginary library. So if you set yourself the task of “calming down”, then the necessary arguments and positive resources will be found without difficulty.