In one of Anatoly Nekrasov’s books, there are words that pity feeds on maternal energies, and respect feeds on female energies. I understand everything, but how do I do it?
At one of the trainings there was such an exercise. A man sits on a chair and talks about the events of the past day. After the story is over, the women come up to him one by one and say something pleasant, based on his story. It can be praise for a beautiful deed, a manifestation of masculinity, or just a compliment. Then the man spoke about what he felt, what feelings he had: uplift, inspiration, a surge of strength, and so on. One of the women said that after the story she wanted to hug him and stroke his head. She was asked to do so. The man said that at that moment he felt small, as if he were a child. And then it dawned on me what to do and how the behavior of a mother and a woman differs. What did this show up for me?
We live with our son, who will soon be 18 years old. He dreams of a car, not very expensive, but which I can buy if I work a little, get a loan. But I do not want to do this, realizing that everyone must realize their desires on their own. But I’m also a mother, and he still studies and studies well. “Why not buy it,” I think? And so on… The thought ran… it’s a pity. Stop! What is the right thing to do? I take more air into my lungs and say: “Think about what you yourself can do for this?”.
He begins to get angry: “I want to now, but I can only earn money in the summer,” and so on. Hysteria, in a word. I start to breathe even deeper and say even softer: “You can talk to dad, look for a part-time job. Speak, voice, ask questions. You are smart and quick-witted, I’m just sure that you will find a solution. And I really want to hug him and stroke his head, calm him down, but I restrain myself, I go to another room.
We didn’t talk about this for two days. And yesterday he comes with burning eyes and says: “I’m going in a minibus, I think … I think … my brain is already boiling. fell asleep. Then I wake up, and ideas rain down on me like rain. I remember about five or six.
And I see that he has already decided everything, whom to call, what to ask, where to go. In short, the puzzle in his head is already taking shape. I was so happy for him. And suddenly I realized that I coped with the task of a woman, did not roll into a mother. Here. Now I have more respect for myself.
I know how difficult it is to see in a boy whom you changed diapers, kissed heels and nose, rocked in your arms, putting to bed, even 17 years ago, a man. Especially when no one taught you. And most of the women around are mothers first and foremost, not women. Yes, it’s just not possible! It seems so. But I figured out how to do it. Where and in what to see a man. I hope that my experience will be useful to you.
And the continuation of the story. He did buy a car. They had 4 months of practice in college, earned money in the construction team. But now he is messing around with her and wandering around the city for almost a day. I have to return to reality — I started my studies … But this is a topic for another story!
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.