Praise is a powerful incentive for the child’s actions and development. Natalia Poletaeva, a psychologist and mother of three children, talks about how to use praise to help children form a healthy self-esteem and avoid problems in communicating with their peers.
We clap our hands when the baby takes his first steps, and he tries to go even further. We admire the first drawings and crafts of the child, which makes him really love creativity. We are proud of good grades — and the student does his homework diligently. We approve of the actions and enjoy the achievements of our children, and they try to be the best. All this is the result of praise!
The main positive effect of praise is that the child gains self-confidence. Once he coped, it means that he will be able to achieve even greater results — this is how the child’s self-esteem increases: he understands that he is loved, and he is happy to share his love with others.
If a child has complexes, praise can serve as a good means of getting rid of them. There are often cases when children hear ridicule in their address and suffer from resentment (for example, if the child has red hair, he is left-handed or wears glasses). And here the task of parents from the moment of the problem (and better from the very birth) is to inspire the child that this is not a disadvantage, but even an advantage. For example, the hair is not red, but gold, and the fairy tale about the beautiful Goldilocks is proof of this. And left-handers are mostly creative people, so pay attention to the child’s wonderful work. This will convince him of his own worth!
Of course, parental love knows no boundaries, and often we consider our children to be perfect. However, overly extol and exaggerate the qualities of the child is quite dangerous, you need to know the measure in everything. Excessive praise can lead to serious personal problems in the child. It happens that parents “idolize” their child, praise him literally for everything, without noticing anything bad in his behavior. This threatens to inflate his self-esteem. The child is confident in his rightness even when he is wrong, he is ready to take up a task that in reality is not in a state to implement, which eventually leads to frustration and loss of objectivity. The world around you becomes evil, and everyone around you is to blame for the failures, but not the child himself.
Excessive praise can also lead to various problems in communicating with peers and teachers. No one wants to be friends with an upstart or a bully, so such a child often becomes a loner in a team, sometimes misunderstood even by adults, because everyone does not evaluate him as parents do.
In addition, the child may develop a real dependence on praise. It is possible to achieve that all his actions will now be directed not to the result, but to get a “dose” of praise.
And perhaps the most common problem that a child who is spoiled by praise gets is selfishness. “Over-praised” children are not able to take care of someone, because from early childhood everyone took care only of themselves, in their own eyes they are perfect and do not consider it necessary to share their “achievements”with anyone.
This does not mean that you can not praise the child. Just to avoid such troubles, try to find a middle ground. As the child grows, praise should move from a quantitative indicator to a qualitativeone . Here are some tips:
– it is necessary to praise not so much the child himself, but the result of his actions;
– praise should only be given for the action that was really difficult for the child, when he made enough effort to achieve the result;
– teach your child to share their achievements and thank those people who helped them achieve the result (for example, the teacher told them, friends supported them, parents provided them).
To praise the child for his actions, to sincerely love and show care just like that — this is the algorithm of education that you need to strive for!