Divorce: 10 tips for part-time dads

Divorced fathers: privilege contact

Don’t live like a distant father

It is a reality, in the event of divorce or separation, the vast majority of fathers spend only one weekend in two and half of the holidays with their children. This rhythm is sometimes extended to an additional visit in the middle of the week, but this is still very rarely possible. This situation of repeated ruptures is difficult to live with, daily life is no longer part of continuity and many fathers wonder if they will still be able to assume their paternity by seeing so little of their children. Rest assured, even if the amount of hours spent with your children decreases, do not live as a part-time father and be sure and certain that the quality and the investment of the paternal relationship will partly compensate for your absence. daily.

Fully claim your place as a father

Just because you are less physically present does not mean that your place in the hearts and in the lives of your children is diminishing. They need you to grow and structure themselves, they need your love, your support, to know that you are thinking of them, that you are there for them, no matter what. Let them know they can call you whenever they want, that you will come anytime they need you. Call them just to let them know you love them, send them postcards when you go on a weekend or vacation. It doesn’t matter if they don’t know how to read yet, the important thing is that they find that you are thinking of them, even far away, and that the bond that unites you is very strong.

Tell her the child that you were

The role of a father is to register his children in their lineage, in their family history. Tell them about their roots, their grandparents, great-grandparents, uncles, aunts, etc. Visit them together, keep them in touch with your whole family. Tell them about the little boy you were, the silly things you did, the great memories of where you grew up, the region where your family came from. Children love all these anecdotes and all these stories are benchmarks that help them grow, to situate themselves in their genealogy.

Share your passions with your child

It’s not difficult to be a good father, you just have to be happy to share what you love with them. No need to want to prepare a concrete program, do not feel obliged to chain activities after activities, do not try to offer them sensational outings, the important thing for them is to spend time in your company. Live in the here and now with your children, simply enjoy their presence. Hanging out in your pajamas around a mega breakfast, talking about everything and nothing, playing together, watching the same DVD, all these special moments allow us to maintain a real bond.

Tell your child that you love him

It often happens that we realize the value of things once we have lost them. A separation can be revealing and many men realize at this time how much children contribute to their development. Do not hesitate to repeat to your children that despite the separation, despite the trials, they make you happy!

To discover in video: Can my daughter see her father only during school holidays? 

Know how to impose your paternal authority

When you spend a limited time with your children, you want everything to be fine, nothing to spoil the hours shared. This is why it is so difficult to show authority, to get angry when the limits are exceeded, to punish, to sanction, to set limits and to enforce them. Today’s fathers have understood the importance of forging tender emotional bonds with their children, they are no longer afraid to say that they need the love of their little ones. But that doesn’t mean they should give up exercising their authority. Rest assured, your child will love you no less if you scold him when necessary, on the contrary, the fact that you are a structuring father will reassure him. And you will avoid hearing her mother reproach you for having the beautiful role, for being a weekend cake dad, while she finds herself with the thankless role of the parent who assumes the daily education.

Don’t talk negatively about their mother

If you have separated from their mother, it is because you no longer get along. Children are not fooled and know very well that there have been conflicts. A separation is always painful for both members of the couple. You have to mourn the initial family, put up with the breakup, reorganize your life each on your own while keeping a link with your ex because it is essential to the balance of the children. Even if you are hurt, even if you are very angry, respect your ex-wife as the mother of your children. Do not denigrate her in front of them, do not try to find out how it is at home, do not ask questions about her private life, do not take them to task, do not bring up the conflicts that have opposed you. Stay neutral.

Talk to you about major decisions affecting your child

Only get in touch with their mother to talk about your children’s education, important decisions about their schooling, their future, the values ​​you want to instill in them. The better off you are with their mother, the easier it will be for you to establish and maintain good contact with your children. Try to establish a fair and balanced relationship. If you prove to her over the months that you are a concerned and caring father, she will recognize your qualities.

Get involved in your child’s daily life

Whether they’re in nursery, nanny’s or kindergarten, don’t be left out. Be present the day they enter nursery or kindergarten, attend their Christmas party. Meet their childminder. Ask to speak with their teacher or educator to find out what is going on in their day-to-day lives. Pick them up from time to time at nursery or school, talk to moms about their friends. Invite some buddies over to the house when it’s your weekend. If it is necessary to take them to the pediatrician, offer your services, follow its development on the health record. Keep up to date with their Wednesday activities, in short, even if you are not there every day, show that everything they experience interests you …

Be an available dad for your child

You no longer live together full time, so when you do find them, devote some time and attention to them. Listen, open to dialogue, but never intrusive. Let them tell you about the important events of the days gone by without you. Prepare meals together, you’ll have to get into the kitchen, you’ll see, it’s very nice. Above all, don’t overdo it by showering them with gifts when they’re with you. Don’t flood them with phone calls, schedule fixed phone appointments once or twice a week. On the other hand, let them know that they can call you as many times as they want. And if there is a stepfather, do not feel unsettled, do not be afraid that he replaces you in the hearts of your children… Nothing, and no one replaces a father!

To discover in video: Can visitation rights and custody rights be waived for a child?

Do you want to talk about it between parents? To give your opinion, to bring your testimony? We meet on https://forum.parents.fr.