Contents
Let’s be honest: many do without introspection. Obviously, it is not a vital need. Then what is the reason for the interest in one’s inner life, and why is self-knowledge necessary?
Some are constantly wondering what they are. Others live without such close self-examination.
“I was 26, and I considered myself an established person when I met Anna, who soon became my close friend,” says 39-year-old Maria. – I was amazed that Anna analyzes her every act. And she asked me the same questions: what motivates you to do this and not otherwise, why do you love this and not the other? I argued with her: isn’t it enough just to live?! But she infected me with a passion for exploring deeper motives.”
Maria was fascinated not only by the question of the essence of her personality, but also by the question of where such interest in herself comes from.
Our tools
To understand the world today there are microscopes and telescopes, and even a trap for the elusive neutrino particle. How can you explore yourself? To do this, we use, as thousands of years ago, our own thought and observation. And since memory is not very reliable, we resort to records.
From his youth until the end of his life, Leo Tolstoy kept diaries. He tried to be impartial. “Let’s see what my personality is,” he writes at age 26. “I am bad-looking, clumsy, unscrupulous, and worldly uneducated. I am irritable, boring for others, indiscreet, intolerant … “
By fixing what usually escapes, we can penetrate deeper into ourselves.
And then 56 years later, in the year of his death: “I feel like a boy in the matter of moral perfection, a student, and a bad student, little diligent,” he writes in the “Diary for myself alone”1. Few people can be completely objective about themselves. We swing from contentment with ourselves to complete rejection.
Irina, 25, started an online diary because she wanted to know what others thought of her, to get an objective assessment. But I soon realized that my expectations were not met: “It’s easier for me to talk about various events, because when I write about myself, I involuntarily think about how I will look in the eyes of readers, and I try to please. Therefore, like Tolstoy, I started a “diary for myself alone” and there I write down observations on my character, which I am not yet ready to share with anyone.
Many psychotherapists recommend that we keep diaries for ourselves, especially if we are unhappy with ourselves and others. By fixing what usually escapes memory in a stream of new experiences, we can identify repetitive reactions and patterns in emotions and penetrate deeper into our character.
Facial expressions
When events take over, we rarely ask questions about our inner world. However, even then we feel that there is an “I”, a personality as such, which distinguishes us from all others.
“The essence of “I” is to always assert about myself: “not you”, “not they”. The essence of “I” is in me,” emphasized the philosopher Vasily Rozanov2. – This is neither good nor evil: more precisely, the “good” of the self lies in isolation, in non-mixing, in confrontation with everything, and the “evil” of the self consists in weakness, in compliance, in the fact that it is at least for the sake of “harmony” and to avoid a “quarrel” puts up with another, merges with him.
Then there is “morality”, but no face: well, whether “face” is important or not important for the world – this will no longer be judged by moralists alone. Without the “face” the world would not have radiance – there would be “clouds” of people, peoples, generations … And, in a word, without the “face” there is no spirit and genius.
We really feel our uniqueness and difference from others. We also know how we usually react to this or that situation, although sometimes we surprise ourselves. When we behave in an unusual way, we immediately think: “This is not like me!”
We don’t always know for sure whether reactions are caused by our deepest feelings or imposed by family or cultural environment, but they are part of what we call our “Self”. And precisely because we are aware of this, we are able to distinguish between friends, those who share our point of view, and those whose company does not suit us and, moreover, can harm us.
In the nineteenth century, when the human sciences began to pay attention to the distinction between normal and pathological, and psychiatry began to develop rapidly, self-knowledge became practically necessary. “Am I normal? Am I too extrovert or introvert? However, science should not be confused with morality.
The norm of social morality prescribes to us behavior that is approved by others at the present moment of the development of society and is convenient for others. The norm in the medical sense implies personal health and the absence of mental and bodily suffering in our lives.
Sometimes we can’t see ourselves for real because we’re too afraid to see what we don’t like. Psychoanalysis and its discovery can help in this, that everyone has a secret, reverse side of the “I”.
“I got drive and feedback in sports and I want to find it somewhere else”
Svetlana Kulakova, athlete, world boxing champion, kickboxer
I’m just starting to get to know myself, to understand what else I’m capable of. Yes, I found myself in boxing and kickboxing, I achieved maximum success here, but I don’t want to disappear after the end of my career, as happens with many professional athletes. Previously, I did not use the time after a workout for relaxation, but now I try to be more alone with myself.
I catch myself thinking that I began to ask myself the question more often: “Sveta, what do you want?” And I understand that I want drive and return – everything that I received in sports, but now I dream of finding it in something else. Not only wins are important for me, I feel satisfaction from the fact that I did something good, useful for someone. I won’t quit sports, I can’t live without it, it will remain in my life – just in a different quantity.
Now I am being invited to the Boxing Federation, I am considering offers to act in films, to try myself as a TV presenter. I don’t refuse anything. It will work, no – we’ll see. It seems to me that I will not miss what is truly mine, but for this you need to keep looking for it. My path to the sport was also tortuous. I came to boxing as a teenager, before that I tried myself in music, choreography, and dancing. But all this did not satisfy my thirst for leadership – I always wanted to be the first, the champion.
Awareness “this is mine!” appeared almost immediately, as soon as I had the first fights. I remember well how it captured me, and I dream of experiencing these sensations again. I feel the potential for something else. Perhaps we are all now in anticipation of something new, as the past year has not been easy. It is said that the darkest time of the day comes before dawn. And I believe that this happens in our lives too!
Creature multistory
Philosopher Nikolai Berdyaev called a person “a multi-storied creature” and wrote in his philosophical autobiography: “The human personality is more mysterious than the world. She is the whole world. Man is a microcosm and contains everything.3. One should approach the study of oneself with the same open mind as the study of the cosmos.
Thanks to the discoveries of Sigmund Freud, we discovered floors in ourselves that we had not suspected before, began to pay attention to contradictions in our words and actions, discovered messages hidden in dreams and erroneous actions. And also the unconscious itself, which none of us can directly observe, but which manifests itself and influences decisions.
By knowing and analyzing ourselves, we can make them more responsible. Part of this work is a memoir and partly a reconstruction of personal history. It is difficult to conduct it alone, and an attentive listener who does not impose his own rules and assessments helps. Today, psychotherapists fill this role.
“I was sure that I became a doctor because I was interested in physiology and wanted to help the sick,” says 38-year-old Sergey, “and only after I turned to a psychotherapist, I remembered that my mother had been sick all my childhood and I imagined how I I save her. These fantasies were later forgotten, but gave me an impetus in choosing a profession. I asked myself if I really wanted to continue doing this. And he answered that yes, but now I do it, clearly understanding what goals I set for myself.
Often we start introspection not from a good life, but when we notice that my classes do not suit me, I am dissatisfied; How can I know myself better to change this? The result is not ready-made answers, but the ability to ask the right questions. Life gives us answers.
“Know yourself”
This commandment was inscribed on the pediment of the temple of Apollo at Delphi. Socrates made it his life credo.
“Life without looking inward is not worth living,” he argued. We are not toys of cruel or favorable fate, but we are able to make our own decisions about how to act. His student Plato noted that the activity of the soul is not passive perception, but its own inner work, which is in the nature of a conversation with oneself.
When thinking, the soul “does nothing but talk, questioning itself, answering, affirming and denying.” We can consider that this conception of man marks the birth of humanism and morality. Although the thinkers of Antiquity already peered deep into their souls, the first book devoted to self-observation appeared only in the XNUMXth century.
In his “Experiences” Michel Montaigne shows a portrait of an ordinary person with his addictions and disappointments. He without concealment and indulgence describes his psychological weaknesses and illnesses. He encourages us to know ourselves in order to “live appropriately,” that is, to fully enjoy the present moment. Self-knowledge, he believes, is a condition for harmony with oneself and a life free from prejudice. Without it, we go astray, not realizing our needs and desires.
Two Russian philosophers who lived at the turn of the XNUMXth and XNUMXth centuries, Nikolai Berdyaev and Vasily Rozanov, made self-knowledge the basis of their method, comprehending the work of universal laws through their own lives. Knowing oneself helps not only to realize one’s limits and improve morally, but also to reveal one’s kinship with the universe.
Sources: S. Minyurova. Psychology of self-knowledge and self-development (Yekaterinburg, 2013). Klimov. Nikolai Berdyaev and Vasily Rozanov: two experiences in philosophical autobiography. Man, No. 1, 2017.
1 Lev Tolstoy. Diaries. Portal Tolstoy.ru
2 V. Rozanov. Moonlight People (Azbuka, 2008).
3 N. Berdyaev. Self-knowledge (Azbuka-classic, 2019).