It is rare that both partners decide to leave at the same time. In most cases, one wants to leave, and the second wants to leave everything as it is. It doesn’t matter which of these roles you find yourself in, the task in any case is to part with dignity.
Parting causes considerable pain, emotions go wild. The nervous system is overloaded with experiences: a feeling of defeat and rejection, pain, anger, fear, shame, guilt. It torments, making it difficult to think soberly. These feelings are so strong and deep that we may be overcome by the desire to take out the pain on someone.
It’s not easy to deal with him. Under no circumstances should you:
- take revenge on a partner;
- tarnish his reputation;
- list his shortcomings and misdeeds;
- hit the sick one.
At the same time, you need to give vent to feelings. You can find someone you trust: a relative, a friend, a psychologist, and express what has accumulated. The main thing is not to stoop to insulting a person who was important to you and, most likely, still dear. Also try to show maximum kindness and care to yourself.
The above tips are suitable for those who have decided to break off relations, and those who have left. By initiating a breakup, you may feel guilty about the pain your decision will cause your partner. Perhaps you want to somehow justify your choice, for example, list the shortcomings of your spouse. But that won’t help.
It is important to somehow justify the decision so that both do not have a painful feeling of incompleteness. How to make it painless for a partner? Consider in advance how to explain the reason for the breakup. “We are no longer suitable for each other. Relationships no longer suit me … ”To soften the blow, give thanks for what brought joy in the relationship.
Breaking off relationships is better right away: this will help heal mental wounds faster
Breaking up is a difficult and important period. Away from a partner, we can look differently at the dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction associated with a failed marriage. Perhaps they were not caused by family disagreements, but by psychological problems. If the breakup process went well, there are more chances to look at the situation in a new way and get back together.
It is especially important to break up in an amicable way if you have small children: you will have to participate together in one way or another in their upbringing. It is necessary to initially build relationships based on cooperation and mutual respect.
Breaking off relationships is better right away, this will help heal mental wounds faster. In a few months or years, you will both return to normal life and will know that you behaved with dignity and that you have nothing to be ashamed of. Most fail to disperse peacefully, without scandals, but you should not follow their example. Take responsibility for your role in the breakup as a mature adult should.
About the Experts: Linda and Charlie Bloom are a married couple of psychotherapists who specialize in couples therapy.