Discipline in different periods of a child’s life

Definition

And they to me: “Friend,

Lie down, lapusya, on the barrel! ”

And they to me: “Darling,

Eat quickly, the soup is getting cold!

I am such a treatment

I hate! I can’t stand it!

I’m seething with indignation

And so gu.e.yu.

With Mikhalkov

Children cannot love and respect their parents if they are weak and indecisive. In this case, they simply sit on their neck and begin to manipulate them without a twinge of conscience. And do not count on the fact that their conscience will wake up! Won’t wake up. If you offer them your neck, they will sit on it and their legs will hang down.

But that’s not even the worst. Much more dangerous is that such a pattern of relationships will become familiar to your children, and they will try to sit on the neck and manipulate everyone with whom they will intersect in their lives. Undisciplined, irresponsible, gee, ill-mannered… Do you personally feel sympathy for such people? That’s what other people don’t experience. Let’s not doom our children to the dislike of others, but teach them to discipline.

Discipline is not punishment. Punishment is just one of the ways to correct when discipline has gone lame. And herself discipline is simply the ability to control your impulses and impulses, to do not what you want at the moment, but what you need. Discipline, softened by love, teaches children to adapt their behavior to the requirements of society. Let’s teach this to our children.

Our true friends «No!», «Don’t you dare!» and «Shame on you!»

Very young children, years up to three discipline can be taught gently and unobtrusively. First of all, they need to be provided with the opportunity to spend their irrepressible energy, because for up to three years these “perpetum mobiles” move non-stop. If they are naughty, they can be gently reined in. The main thing is that you explain to them the rules that apply in your family and which he must comply with. For example, clearly say: «You can’t take matches.» If you are sure that he said it and that he understood what was being said, then you have every reason to demand that this rule be observed. If he still grabs a match, you can slap on the pope. Nothing terrible will happen, and an instant slight pain will signal to the owner of the priests that he did something wrong. Of course, it is better to make life easier for yourself and, if possible, remove dangerous and fragile objects from the field of view of the small destroyer.

Three to five years old Kline suggests setting up a «break room», a place to send a child to if they start to get really nasty. You can use, for example, a bathroom for this purpose: a boring place, without toys and entertainment, but familiar, therefore not scary. The meaning of the rest room is that the child will stay where he can calm down. Set an alarm clock, a timer, a “reminder” on your mobile phone so that when the “sent time” expires, a bell rings, audible to both you and the child. And it is better to direct the energy of the child to useful and interesting things. And one more valuable remark. At this age, children become susceptible to positive reinforcement, they already know how to establish a connection between their actions and their consequences. Therefore, you can effectively praise, encourage, hug for good behavior, you can even draw a “table of merit” and hang it on the wall, painting it with stars and flowers. Only one thing is impossible: to ignore good behavior and pay attention to the child only when he behaves incorrectly. In this case, you will simply force him to behave badly in order to attract at least negative, but the attention of his beloved parents.

six to twelve the iron law of cause and effect applies. When the work is done, you can go for a walk. If the lessons are done, you can watch TV. The reward table works great, where points are clearly stated for each completed task. It’s better not to put too many points there, but to focus on what you really want to achieve in the near future. And let the child know what exactly he will receive for a certain number of points. Of course, it should be something he wants, not you. It makes no sense to promise new socks for brushing your teeth every day. The normal reaction of a normal child in this case will be: “There are no fools!”, even if he does not say this out loud, but he will definitely think. At this age, the old, like the world, way of “do as I do!” is especially life-giving for little monkeys. If you want your children to be friendly, polite, sociable, delicate, be so yourself. There is no other way. If you, like an evil fury, swoop down on children, demanding politeness and kindness, do not be surprised that an inevitable fiasco will befall you.

Of course, the best thing that can teach discipline is the logical consequences of wrong actions. If the lessons are not done by a certain hour, it is clear that the family goes for an evening walk without their son. Business time, fun hour! And if the daughter was called to dinner twice, but she did not come, then her plate is removed, and the girl goes to bed on an empty stomach. With this approach, the child always has a choice. He knows what a certain behavior will lead to, and he can decide for himself whether the game is worth the candle. And parents can maintain Olympian calm and not be angry with the child, not invent punishments for him, because he is punished by the natural course of events. Simple, convenient, logical and effective!

This is how Victor Kline concludes the chapter on discipline: “Discipline is good and necessary, without it you will not raise healthy winning children. It is needed in order to teach and train children for the future life in our complex world. When done right, discipline helps a young person gain inner control and independence.

The most important thing in a child’s life is love.

Everything said here is true under one indispensable condition: if the child lives in a loving family. That is, in a family where they love him and everyone else. That parents love their child is natural. Much has been written about how to show love to him. But what I want to emphasize especially is the need for mutual love of parents, which their children should see, in which they should not have a shadow of a doubt. See →