Girl Nastya, 25 years old, English teacher. Married, marriage 2, 1 child from first marriage.
Situation: the principal of the school insists on dismissal of his own free will, because. space required. Nastya resists, conversations with the director are fruitless. The director threatens to fire him under an article that makes hiring much more difficult. Checkpoint — August 1, 2011. The director insists on writing the application now without a date. And he demands a guarantee that she will write a statement on August 1. Nastya is planning a pregnancy soon and doesn’t want to quit, worrying about paid maternity leave.
Nastya is in the position of the Victim: the director is terrible, the situation is terrible, life is terrible. She’s depressed herself. She wants her husband to be a support in this situation.
For myself, I define areas of work:
- Head teacher.
- Depression.
- Plans for life.
- Conversation with husband.
What was needed was support, care, warmth, listening, and then directing.
Head teacher
According to the situation at work, he asked me to write 10 points — what is good about being fired (I gave this task by phone yesterday — to get out of my state and invited me to come today) — I did it — I saw that life goes on.
From the conversation (today) I found out that there is already some place of work, but it does not suit me yet — he stressed — life goes on.
We discussed the conversation plan with the principal of the school, focusing on the following points:
- What result do I want to get from the conversation — do not write a statement until August 1, 2011.
- Turn the conversation around to look at the situation together in the same direction. How?
Make it clear that in this situation there is only one Guarantor — and it is she, the Headmaster. To say that she understands the position of the Principal, that she needs a place. Explain to the Principal (as a woman) that she is planning a pregnancy and wants to provide child support. That she will not go to work on August 1 if she is pregnant, she will be on sick leave and will quit after the decree. And if she is not pregnant, then she will come on August 1 and write a statement, because. going against the will of the Director is stupid — a reason for a reprimand can always be found if desired, and she does not need to be dismissed under the article.
She has nothing to lose and the conversation should be carried out in this vein, but she can gain. This is her chance. We fix the theses and agree that she will have a conversation tomorrow and call me back.
Depression
Let’s move on to depression: My task is to bring it to the Positive — Life is amazing and interesting!
She says that she is being persecuted like fate, such situations as with the principal of the school. She proceeds, as proof, to talk about the first marriage that she broke off while pregnant!
I comment — this is a strong act — after all, she survived? Yes, I am strong.
Then she talks about the terrible work of a waitress in a bar, where she was forced to go to work in order not to depend financially on her parents and provide for herself and her child. The next illustration — already boasting — I broke through the wall — got a job in a computer company, where it was difficult to get a job, and there the work was terrible.
That’s it, I decide that enough illustrations!
I remember Rapoport’s consultation — is it possible to find in these situations what to be grateful for?
Is there anything you can thank the school principal for? – thought.
Is there anything to thank the first husband for? — Yes, I appreciate the relationship with my current husband!
Some positive experience gave you a job as a waitress — yes!
Work at a computer company — gave the current husband!
From this point of view, I did not think — gratitude to the event!
The mood is changing — the eyes came to life, revived itself!
Plans for life
In the conversation, she mentioned dreams in life. I heard this and continued the topic: we must live for the future.
Nastya — you have a homework assignment — write down your dreams, and when you think you will realize it — with a deadline. Accepted, interested — it’s her life.
And one more thing — in the evening send me an e-mail what specific steps you will take tomorrow and in the following days to implement your plans. (The distance has gone). She accepts, she is interested — this, apparently, did not occur to her.
I fix — will you do it? — I’ll do it!
Conversation with her husband
A conversation with my husband: what do you want as a result of the conversation, what is the result — so that he leaves me alone for a week and lets me recover!
I clarify — do you love your husband? (oh, tricky question — we’ll find out later) — Yes!
And he you? (more insidious) — Yes!
That’s great! Then you hug him, kiss him and ask for support and a request — to be depressed for a week, but at the same time you say that you will start to get out of it tomorrow. He is your ally, partner, friend, loved one. And thank him for his understanding and care. Can you do it? — of course you can.
Arrangements
We complete the work with agreements:
After talking with the principal of the school, you call me and report the result.
Starting tonight, send me a letter by e-mail, briefly about your mood and business.
Today you send plans for the year and steps that you will take tomorrow.
The result of a conversation with her husband.
Style: Working? Already interested? Here! You clever! You can do it! We are with you — well done!
The results
The next day I called — the conversation took place, I stayed to work, the director of the school gave her blessing for pregnancy.
Today she writes reports every evening, she turned to life. I teach to formulate theses in the Positive!