Contents
How to raise a child independent, purposeful, able to be responsible for himself and take care of others, and at the same time not load him with fears and complexes? About this new book by teacher Dima Zitser «You can not educate love.» We publish some «tasty» quotes from it.
About obedience
It is believed that the faster a person learns to follow certain rules, the sooner he adapts. Everything is the opposite! Compliance with the rules is rather a sign of deep withdrawal into oneself, submission to the system, leveling one’s own «I», reducing it to some average impersonal level.
About trust
Our task, the surrounding world, the adult world, is to reduce the concepts of freedom and responsibility. Unfortunately, it is generally accepted that a person at this age should be patronized from all sides. And I can advise at this age as much as possible «to let him go on his own swimming.» Give him the opportunity and the right to touch the world by touch and check.
About support
The child must know that he has a shelter. If he has a front line at home, he will run away from there. Each of us seeks such a refuge. It can be another person, a company, a VKontakte group. Everything is actually very simple: we leave those with whom we feel bad. And we want to be with those with whom we feel good.
About talking about sex
For a child, relationships between people are part of the world that he learns. And there are certainly no more dangers here than in any other issue. Remember: «In Lothlórien there is only the evil that we bring with us»? It’s the same in a conversation about sex — there is nowhere to take vulgarity and a sense of depravity in a child, unless you yourself bring them into the conversation.
About fears
Scaring ourselves, we mix all the «uncomfortable» topics in a heap: sex with menstruation, masturbation with childbirth, conception with pornography. And as a result, how many children have learned about the relationship between a man and a woman in such words and expressions that it is not possible to repeat them! How many caring older friends have been told that sexual relations are a filth in which all adults are smeared and in which they themselves will certainly get smeared!
About school
At meetings with parents and teachers, I often ask in response to “Pushkin is our everything” to quote at least one Pushkin quatrain that is not related to the school curriculum. The result, I think, is well known to you. I am sure you can perfectly explain why in an audience of 200 people (intelligent and educated) three or four hands are raised. Because it is necessary to teach Pushkin “without because”.
About communication
Everything that happens around applies to our children no less than to us. And their position is no less significant. Therefore, we are obliged to talk to them, and about the same things that we talk about among ourselves. Let them become full-fledged participants in any conversation, let them express an opinion, let them argue. And we need to talk arbitrarily, regardless of whether we want it or not.
About education
Most events in a person’s life occur not because of, but in spite of the so-called upbringing. Our children discover the world, change their minds, fall in love, are interested in a variety of phenomena under the influence of a number of factors. And most importantly, because they are! What a pity to miss the most interesting things in life (in particular, our children) due to the rule imposed on us to constantly manage. So much is passed by because we are forced to play the role of nurturer instead of just loving.
Excerpts from the book published with permission from Clever.