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Difficult teenager: what to do, features, help, psychology, parents
Difficult teenager – this is usually the name for children aged 12 to 16 years who are going through a transitional stage. For everyone, this period lasts for different times and with different intensities. Someone is completely out of control, associates with bad company and ruins their lives. Others become aggressive, strive for independence and want to separate from their parents.
A little about the psychology of this period
The transitional age is a difficult period not only in the life of the parents, but also in the life of the child. Mom and Dad suffer because the child tries to separate from them, their communication becomes colder, and they stop recognizing their son or their daughter. But it is also hard for children at this time: they change externally and internally, and it is difficult for them to get used to this change.
A difficult teenager during a transitional age is looking for himself. He is going through changes, and it is difficult for him to get used to them.
There are the following reasons for this behavior of adolescents:
- Growing up. Physically, a teenager is already becoming an adult. Previously, the age of marriage for children was much lower. You could get married at 13 – 15 years old. There are still countries in which a girl is married at 9 years old. But now everything has changed. The matured child lives with his parents for a longer time. Also with his physical maturity, emotionally he is still a child. He has an unstable psyche, and he does not fully know how to bear responsibility.
- External and internal changes. The teenager notices that his body is changing. It becomes more feminine or masculine. Not only the body is changing, but also the inner world. A child at this age is looking for his place in the world, trying to understand its arrangement, and therefore strives to do everything in his own way.
- Instincts. There is also such a version, but it’s up to you to believe or not, since many scientists have long believed that a person has no instincts. The gist of the theory is that primate babies usually begin to live separately when they are physically mature. Two adult primates of the same sex cannot live peacefully in the same territory, and sexual attraction may even appear to the primate of the other sex.
In any case, the transitional age is a difficult period for all family members, you need to try to maintain a relationship with the child and understand that it is difficult not only for you.
What to do in such a situation
Although a teenager expects as little help as possible from you during this period of life, you can still provide it.
- Understand that it is not your fault in the circumstances. The onset of this period does not depend on you.
- Respect the boundaries your child is building. It’s not hard to knock on the door before you walk in.
- Give your child freedom. During this period, the struggle between the “want” of the teenager and the “no” parents becomes more acute. If you constantly forbid something to him, then only exacerbate the situation.
- Teach your teenager responsibility. If you gradually give control over his life to himself, then he will develop a sense of responsibility and independence.
- Build your psychological boundaries. Remember that a teenager needs to understand that not only can he have boundaries, but so can you.
- Observe the child’s surroundings. Bad company can lead to negative consequences. You can invite him to attend sections and additional events, where there will definitely be a good company.
But most importantly, remember that this is all temporary. It is important that the relationship during this period does not deteriorate, then after the transitional age, interaction with the child will improve and strengthen. This period of time has its own characteristics, but they can be overcome with the right approach.
Remember that this is all temporary. Respect the child’s freedom, don’t blame yourself for everything, and take care of yourself. Your obsession during this time can make the relationship worse.