Contents
Differences and contradictions are what often attract us to each other: being with someone who is too similar to us and agrees with us in everything is boring. But what if the partner’s interests are not just different, but diametrically opposed to ours? How to maintain an alliance if there are few common themes?
At the beginning of a relationship, any feature of a partner seems attractive, unusual. But as they get used to each other, much of what used to delight begins to annoy. This also applies to differences in character, worldview, attitude to life, interests and hobbies. We evaluate others by our own standards and compare with ourselves. So, we strive to reshape for ourselves.
How to get closer through differences
Differences are not terrible for those who feel like a single whole with a partner. A common goal, a common cause, a dream — anything can unite, and this becomes the foundation on which even completely different people build a happy and rich life. Find something that unites, come up with a common cause, and dissimilarity will no longer play a role.
The more differences, the more interesting we are to each other. You have unlimited possibilities to surprise your partner and add variety to your life together. Moreover, even if you are sure that there is nothing in common between you, it is not a fact that this is true. Try a simple trick that will convince you otherwise. Make a list of activities that interest you, ask your partner to do the same, and share what you write. Practice shows that in almost every pair there are unexpected points of contact that allow people to take a fresh look at their union.
Here are a few more ways to get closer.
- Sex. Different preferences, fantasies and techniques can improve intimate life. The joy of giving pleasure to your partner brings you closer.
- Trust communication. It is important to talk during the day on a variety of topics, not only about household trifles and duties, but also about what excites you and arouses interest. Discussing dreams, plans, music, films, you will be able to realize how multifaceted the partner’s personality is and rediscover it for yourself.
- Tactile contact. If partners hug often, affection lasts longer. Kissing, hugging, and touching are non-verbal signals that you care about your partner.
- Conversation in the partner’s love language. What language does the partner speak? What is more important for him — praise and gratitude, time spent with you, gifts, help or touch? The love languages of spouses do not always coincide.
- Surprise dates. Try to keep the romance in the relationship as long as possible. To do this, get in the habit of asking each other out on dates, organizing something unusual to your taste. The difference in approaches will diversify the relationship.
When are differences harmful to a relationship?
The union has a future if the partners mutually enrich and complement each other. But in some cases, differences are dangerous.
1. Conservative life scenario
If one spouse demands unconditional submission, and the second — respect for personal space, conflict cannot be avoided. As a rule, despotic partners are not inclined to admit their shortcomings and change their line of behavior, so the second one has to either obey or leave.
2. Rejection of difference
Partners must take the same number of steps towards each other. If only one of the spouses compromises, the union is far from successful.
3. Dependence on the opinions of others
Your relationship is only about the two of you. If the way you perceive your partner is influenced by the opinions of others, it is important to distance yourself from them as much as possible, at least until you are able to defend the marriage and your point of view.
The difference in interests is not a sentence. On the contrary, with the right approach, it allows you to make relationships more intense and diverse. The main thing is to keep a balance, do not pull the blanket over yourself and make sure that both are comfortable.