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Perhaps this is the first time you hear this word, but the “saboteurs” themselves have probably met more than once. As a rule, they are surrounded by everyone who is diligently trying to get rid of excess weight. It is they who assure us that we already look great, and are mortally offended if we refuse magnificent pies.
In English, there is a special term “diet saboteurs” – literally “diet saboteurs” – or “weight-loss saboteurs”, that is, “weight loss saboteurs”. This is the name of the people who oppose your attempts to eat right. They don’t understand (or pretend they don’t understand) “why you need this”, assure you that you are already in great shape, discreetly leave a chocolate bar on your desktop, appear on the doorstep of an apartment with pizza and a bottle of wine, or insistently put slices of cake on your plate.
Professor Edward Abramson of California State University at Chico warns, “When one member of a relationship decides to adopt a healthier lifestyle and the other does not, a certain balance is upset, which can lead to conflict.”
Who and why sabotages your desire to lose weight? And how to react so as not to spoil either the figure or the relationship?
Those who want to lose weight
Remember the joke? “I didn’t manage to lose weight by spring. I will feed my girlfriends I will play in contrast. This is how it works: one of your acquaintances or friends has long dreamed of losing weight. But he constantly lacks the time, the strength, the motivation for this. Meeting you makes him feel uncomfortable, guilty, and jealous. In this situation, for most people it is much easier (and sometimes more enjoyable) to persuade you to eat a couple of donuts than to change their own habits and lifestyle.
“After all, achieving your goals and changing your body reminds the saboteurs of their own aspirations,” says psychologist Susie Green, “and that they have not worked to achieve them like you have.”
What to do? Try to infect them with your enthusiasm and let them know that for big changes in lifestyle and figure, you need to start small.
Those who sincerely do not understand you
These saboteurs don’t envy and do not wish you harm. They really do not understand why it is so important to you how much you weigh and what size jeans you wear, and how this affects your sense of self and self-esteem.
What to do? You definitely need to be able to say “no” and not feel guilty about wanting to be healthy and beautiful. But since you are unlikely to be surrounded by clairvoyants, it will be useful if you explain what you are striving for, why it has become important for you to eat right and work on yourself.
Those who equate food and love
What do they associate with food in the first place? Family, feasts, holidays … They want to pamper you and feed you out of great love, and not out of a desire to harm. It doesn’t even occur to them that persuading you to eat a homemade cabbage pie is like forcing someone who is struggling with alcohol addiction to drink.
What to do? Often this category of saboteurs includes mothers and grandmothers who equate the refusal of a pie or salad with mayonnaise to “you don’t eat anything!”. To make it clear that this is not the case, make sure that your plate is not empty. Let there be vegetables and lighter salads.
Those who are afraid of “losing” you
These are your friends and buddies with which you spent years without remorse ordering home sushi and noodles, gathering on Fridays at the bar or eating cakes and pastries in pastry shops. For them, your proper nutrition is like a bolt from the blue and a signal “we are losing him / her!”. If your new diet comes between you and them, they may feel left out and unwanted.
What to do? First of all, choose a pastime where food is not the main thing: board games, going to the cinema or to the skating rink, walking … And set the table or choose a cafe so that there are dishes for both them and you.
Your spouse
In 2007, the New England Journal of Medicine published the results of a study1, according to which the probability of gaining weight increases markedly if you have a full boyfriend or girlfriend (57% probability) or a full spouse (37%). Why? One of the reasons is the violation of the usual joint way of life.
“Recently I was approached by a couple of gourmets. One of the spouses decided to monitor his diet, which inevitably affected the lifestyle of both, says Australian psychologist Louise Adams. – They used to spend most of their time at a meal with a bottle of good wine, and now this joint enjoyment was not available to them because of one of them. The second felt rejected. But the problem was solved when they learned to enjoy walking together and other pleasant things.
Another reason may be the spouse’s fear of becoming unattractive in your eyes.. In this case, knowing about your desire to lose weight, he still brings sweets home, persuades you to order pizza, or sends you a courier with a box of cakes.
What to do? In the first case, you should simply come up with joint non-caloric entertainment. The second is to talk. You can honestly say that you are confused: after all, you were promised support, but instead they are tempting you with food that you cannot. Or that it is a personal matter for everyone – to eat right or not. You love your spouse for who he is, but would be grateful if he did not reduce all your attempts to build up to zero.
See more at блога The Biggest Loser Club.
1 The New England Journal of Medicine, July 2007.