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A strange, not very happy provincial girl with a surprisingly tough character. Ballerina, successful fashion model and actress. German by origin, French and American by self-perception. In an interview with PSYCHOLOGIES, Diane Kruger told how all these hypostases coexist in her.
A cap pulled down over her eyes with a long black visor, a slightly wrinkled white T-shirt, an almost transparent face, no trace of makeup – she is practically invisible at her table in the corner, behind the waves of the public that overwhelms this bustling cafe on Saturday. A typical Parisian, by whose expression and posture any outsider will clearly understand: it’s not easy to approach her, it’s better not to disturb her solitude … However, her career made Diane Kruger half French, half American – and she was born in Germany, in a small provincial town , where she went to conquer the world when she was 13 years old …
She decided to star in a light French comedy when the audience was already accustomed to her chilly-serious screen beauty. I tell her about it – but she laughs in response: “I hope that I can be frivolous!”
Really? And it looks like it really can. This is a banal feeling, but every time it surprises me anew: the images of the actors we know from film roles and magazine covers rarely coincide with real people when we meet in person. And now, sitting at a cafe table opposite the absolutely real Diane Kruger, I feel how striking this discrepancy is. Take at least the disarming sincerity with which she speaks about herself …
DATE
- 1976 Diane Heidkrüger was born in the town of Algermissen (Germany) in the family of an IT specialist and an accountant.
- 1989 Studying in London at the Royal Ballet School.
- 1992 At the invitation of the modeling agency Elite moves to Paris.
- 2002 Lead role in the film As You Say by Guillaume Canet, whom Diana married. (They divorced four years later.)
- 2004 “Three” by Wolfgang Petersen.
- 2009 “Inglourious Basterds” by Quentin Tarantino.
- 2013 Featured in The Host by Andrew Niccol and Garçons et Guillaume, à table! Guillaume Gallien.
In light genre
Having a trail of dramatic roles behind her, Diane Kruger ventured to star in a light Christmas comedy, in the form of a pragmatic beauty, a dentist. To avoid the curse that haunts all first marriages in the family, she decided to marry the first person she met … and immediately get a divorce in order to live happily ever after with her real lover. But it wasn’t there: her random chosen one (Dani Boon), a jester and a klutz in life, sticks to her like a bath sheet, turning the beauty’s orderly life into chaos … Director Pascal Chaumel made a film in the spirit of a good French comedy of the 1980s, where Boone and Kruger turn into the traditional pair of clowns, like the heroes of Pierre Richard and Gerard Depardieu.
Alla Anufrieva
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Psychologies: Let’s start from the beginning, from your childhood. What kind of child were you?
Diana Krueger: I was rather quiet… although inside I was always tormented by anxiety and anger. I was very worried about what was happening in our family: my father is an alcoholic, he drinks now. Everything at home was upside down. My younger brother was also very hard going through all this. I felt responsible for him – and at the same time I myself wanted to find myself on the other side of the world. There were two thousand inhabitants in our town, and I did not see a future for myself there. I don’t know why, but I always felt different from other children, not where I wanted to be.
But fortunately, you were engaged in ballet – as I understand it, you were passionately fond of …
D.K.: At first, no – I was very young when my mother took me to classes. But I soon liked it: I realized that dancing helped to cope with my anger. I liked that I could somehow express what overwhelmed me from the inside. Passion and passion came later, when at the age of 10 I first appeared on stage: everyone looked at me, I felt special, chosen … Then everything filled with meaning, I was able to see myself in a different future, not the one that was waiting for me “by default “. I could escape reality. But not everyone has natural data to become great dancers. Little by little, I began to realize that, despite all the efforts, my body could not cope.
“I always felt different than others, and not where I wanted to be”
How did you manage to survive it?
D.K.: It was very difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that I would never become a prima. But about dancing all my life in the corps de ballet, at the back of the stage, for me there was no question. And I tried hard. Until one day I got injured and had to stop everything. It was terrible! Not only to come to terms with the collapse of the dream, in which I put all my strength, but also to return to my former life … Meanwhile, my parents divorced, the house became quieter. But I didn’t even imagine that I would study, become an accountant, as my mother wanted then. I didn’t feel like I belonged, I didn’t even know where it was. This depressed me terribly.
What helped you not to lose heart?
D.K.: Luck! I was 16 when Elite France modeling agency called me to Paris for a photo test. Getting on the plane, I already knew that I would not return. By the way, my parents conceived me in Paris during my honeymoon. We had Parisian photos and postcards everywhere in our house. I have always dreamed of France.
Did you already realize your beauty then?
D.K.: No, our family did not pay much attention to appearance. Even in ballet, this does not count, the most important thing is discipline. Of course, at the age of 14-15 I knew how guys looked at me, but I never thought that appearance could become my job. You know, I’ve never been in a big city until I went to dance in London. From our wilderness, Claudia Schiffer seemed like an alien!
What has modeling taught you?
D.K.: A very strange craft… Like most debutantes, I came from afar, as a child, I didn’t know anything – and suddenly found myself in the world of adults, as a prey for men who were twice my age. It is amazing how the consciousness of our own power changes us … Mom just demanded: “To be at home by ten!” And here I am all night walking in Maxim’s! At first, it probably helped me grow up, gave me confidence in my own abilities. But if you have more than two convolutions in your head, you quickly realize that all this is only because of your beauty. And besides, you have no choice: you put on clothes that you are told to wear and which do not always seem beautiful to you, you take positions that dictate to you … To be honest, it’s boring! In a word, by the age of 20 I was tired of it. (Laughs.)
You lacked freedom, so it turns out?
D.K.: Yes, and I found it when I decided to quit everything and go into theater in Paris. I was the only foreigner in the acting school, I was not very good at French, but as soon as I got on stage, it became obvious to me: I am in the right place.
A bold decision: you had a great career, and then you had to start everything from scratch …
D.K.: My mom thought it was crazy! And I felt that I had nothing to lose: my then-boyfriend broke my heart, and the life of a model no longer pleased me. I do not think that there was any special courage here – I just do not know how to dissemble with myself. Everything that I feel is immediately read on my face. And then, I quickly realized that I made the right choice: the years that I spent in the theater were the best in my life. I dropped out at 15 and didn’t know what it was like to be a student. And then I got a company, I started smoking, we drank wine in a cafe … The same Parisian life that I dreamed of!
Didn’t you reproach yourself for leaving your younger brother at home?
D.K.: Yes, it was. I still think about how everything could have gone if I had taken him to France with me … It’s not very reasonable: he has his own affairs, he recently got married, started his own house with a garden in our town, from where he never was leaving. Our lives have become so different that it is not easy for us to communicate. But he seems happy and has a great wife.
What is your relationship with your father now?
D.K.: I haven’t seen him since I was 13. No, I saw him once, at 16. And that’s it.
Have you forgiven him for your childhood?
D.K.: No, over the years I realized that, of course, he was not to blame for all my troubles, that everything was not so simple. There was a moment when I was tempted to see him again – this was when Troy came out. But he sold my first, baby photos to German newspapers. And I realized that it was impossible, that I could not. And then he fell, and now he is not all right with his head. Now it’s all too late.
Perhaps it is not easy to live with such an experience?
D.K.: I think my guys paid for all this for quite a long time! (Laughs.)
In what sense?
D.K.: This story, of course, set me up, alerted me against men. I still find it difficult to trust them, even professionally. Justice is very important to me: I can’t stand it when a man underestimates me, speaks to me as if I have no brains. This is probably because of my father: because of his condition, he did not care at all about his mother, and his brother, and me. He never tried to change, and this indifference from others is now unbearable for me. I think this is reflected in all my relationships in general: I want to be taken seriously. It is important for me to know that I am respected.
And is it easy for you to make yourself respected?
D.K.: Oh yeah! Maybe even too much! (Laughs) I’m actually getting tougher, probably because of success. I have principles, I am more confident in myself. The world of cinema is very “masculine”, here it is necessary to constantly uphold the principle of equal rights for men and women.
So, you were young, you started acting in films, you got married at the same time …
D.K.: Just because we were young! We loved each other. It was all very romantic…
Did your Catholic upbringing contribute to this marriage in any way?
D.K.: Well no! I really grew up in a Catholic school with sister nuns. I had my first communion, confirmation and all that – but it was funny, I didn’t believe it. I’m too realistic for that. I am in awe of all religions and what drives truly believing people. But for me personally, spirituality opens up rather in moments of loneliness – when alone with myself I reflect on my own life. For example, in a deserted church or when I go alone to another country.
Do you drive like this often?
D.K.: Yes, I love to travel alone. Well, or a couple with someone else. Two years ago, I traveled all over China with a backpack. Not that it was my favorite country or the most successful experience … And yet: from each such trip I return with a heightened attention to my own life and to those I love. Although in the course of psychoanalysis it became clear to me that I was too striving for loneliness: without other people, our thoughts begin to go in circles and very soon become saturated with anxiety.
How long have you been undergoing psychoanalysis?
D.K.: It’s been four years now. (She raises her voice.) And I really like it!
What is your enthusiasm…
D.K.: Yes, in this I am an American: there everyone talks about it quite calmly, while here … But I advise everyone. In any case, I personally, thanks to psychoanalysis, feel that I choose my life with a clearer head.
Can you elaborate on this?
D.K.: In my youth, I had immense demands on myself. I felt that I was obliged: I was obliged not to disappoint my mother, so that she would not think that I could do stupid things, drink like a father … The same thing – in relation to my brother. I felt very responsible to my family – and at some point I was even financially responsible for them. In fact, I pretended to be an adult for a long time. It took me a very long time to really grow up. I got it just recently. Now I really feel independent. Let’s put it this way: I no longer want to save others, stop being a nanny and a sister of mercy.
Was it the same with men?
D.K.: Yes, I was looking for men whom I perceived as weaker or, conversely, much stronger. But as soon as in our relationship I reached their level, it no longer suited me. In fact, it took me a long time to understand that receiving love … it’s easy. That it is possible to overcome difficulties together – instead of fleeing, as I did for a long time.
What drives you today? What makes you move forward in life?
D.K.: I think I still strive for recognition – but not at any cost. I decided, thanks in large part to psychoanalysis, that I would never play a better role than my own life. This means that I am no longer driven by my career: I still have ambitions, but not the same ones as before. Look: this, today’s comedy – I don’t think I would have agreed to this five years ago. Then I could not even think of starring in some kind of lightweight picture: the same fear that they would not take me seriously. But for me it’s not a problem anymore.
Including in relations with your family, your mother?
D.K.: Although I think that now she is calm for me, I’m not sure that she understands well what I’m doing and where I’m going. Recently, I invited her to shoot in Paris. You know how it happens: the same scene is filmed several times to show the action in the frame from different angles. So: then, instead of all these expected exclamations of “Great! Brilliant!”, I heard from her: “What are you doing? Why can’t everything work out for you and you have to redo it all the time ?! This is how my mom is. (Laughs.)
Yes, now I understand better the reasons for your exactingness to yourself …
“I pretended to be an adult for a long time. It really takes a long time to grow up.”
D.K.: See? But in this regard, I have already become softer. I more easily accept what I got from life. And it helps me to be more condescending to others.
Do you sometimes return to your town?
D.K.: I am going there next week: my grandfather will be 80 years old, I love him very much. As a child, he was the most important person for me. And today he is my most ardent admirer. As soon as he sees me, he immediately yells: “The light of my eyes!” (Laughs.) But time has stopped there: every time I come, I am 16 years old again. I need to ask my mother to take me, bring me, come for me at such and such an hour, there and there … She scolds me if I put on jeans when we go to grandparents. It’s very strange to live like this. She, I think, too. After all, I left home very … young, and she did not even notice how I had matured. She thinks I’m still a child who has suddenly become a woman.