Detachment from external control

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​​​​​​​Detuning​ from external control: the ability to not pay attention to how other people evaluate your behavior, the ability to focus only on your own views and values.

Detuning — the destruction of all possible extension correspondences between you, creating a feeling of a break in contact with your partner.

Detachment is conscious and not.

Detuning from external control: the ability to not pay attention to how other people evaluate your behavior, the ability to focus only on your own views and values.

As an exercise of Distance, it is about the ability to follow your desires and goals, the ability not to depend on the opinions of other people and the hidden fear of external evaluation, about freedom of choice and beliefs that limit us.

You begin this exercise by analyzing limiting beliefs or beliefs. Ask yourself: if I forbid myself something, then why? What for? Are there smarter options?

If the wind hits your face outside, it’s best to stay at home, but if you have to go, don’t let that wind stop you. If public opinion thinks it’s right to live «like this» and condemns behavior otherwise, it’s better to live the way public opinion says, but if you ever need to do something of your own, public opinion won’t stop you. By doing this exercise, your task is to learn to treat the opinions of others like the weather: take into account and bear in mind, but no more, remaining free to choose your behavior.

How will they look at you if you start sucking on a pacifier (baby pacifier) ​​on the street? «Fool!» (softer — «Strange»). What will they think about you if you start (just like that) loudly reading good poems at the bus stop? «Crazy!» How will they react to a man who is made up like a woman (exercise «Maked up»)? «Pervert». How will a woman be judged if her upper lip is raised and her teeth and gums are exposed (Lip exercise)? «Freak».

That’s right, but these name-callings were scary for you as a child. What do you care about them now? To overcome childish dependence on the opinions of others, invent for yourself and learn to perform non-standard actions (on all topics: «Fool», «Crazy», «Pervert», «Freak» and similar), but not through force, but with enthusiasm, with the spirit of freedom and mischief, feeling amazingly smart, glorious and beautiful inside.

If you are very scared, it is easier to start doing non-standard actions with an internal justification: “This is not just a nipple, this is a doctor prescribed to correct an overbite!” Poems to the crowd — I’m not fooling around, I’m a student of the drama club and I’m training. When you feel confident, you will no longer need any excuses. To whom to justify? Why justify?

Initially, censorship is always external, but its internal representation lives in each of us, which is why we have to distinguish between “non-standard for me” and “non-standard for people”.

If this topic is difficult for you, start with actions that are non-standard for you personally. These are the things that you normally accept when someone else does them, but that you don’t allow yourself to do. For example, being in good health, asking a friend to make you a sandwich and make you coffee — is that convenient for you? Or is this not your standard?

More difficult actions, non-standard from the generally accepted point of view. These are things that you can easily do alone or in good company, but find it difficult to replicate in public. For example, take off your shoes, then socks and thoughtfully move your toes. Have you tried doing it on the subway? Do you know that, for example, in the Canadian subway you can see how they cut their toenails?

As soon as distance people do not have fun! They greet everyone in a row, ask for “black and white bread” in the store: “How, no, and it doesn’t happen? And there are competitors! Do you promise to deliver? We’ll be waiting, thank you! Or handing out money in subway cars: “Forgive me, good people, that we are turning to you. We ourselves are not local, take as much as you can!” — the money, however, is small, but the people were afraid to take it all the same.

You can do non-standard actions in the office, at work. Before lunch, Sveta arranged a «warm-up» — a game of volleyball with a balloon. At first, people thought that the chief accountant had gone crazy, but soon everyone was playing. Sasha had more fun: next to the sign on his door «Head of Department Alexander Shmakov» he neatly signed: «Asleep.» After lunch, “Sleep” changed to: “Woke up”, and the colleague who came was greeted with a greeting: “Woof!”

Sasha’s comment: «I did this at work, because everything is easy with strangers.»

However, in our opinion, this exercise is not intended to strain your neighbors and question your reputation at work, so these trainings are best done where you are not known. The indicator of the «completion» of the exercise is not necessarily the complete absence of a barrier in front of something. It is important that always, when necessary, you do what is necessary; so that the barrier “what people will say” and hence “it’s hard for me” does not change the direction of your actions. Accordingly, it should be easy enough to behave outside the box.

And then inner freedom comes — a good feeling!