To choose from two close people the one who is more dear to you is painful, unfair and, it seems, impossible. Our heroine got into such a situation and shared her story.
“We met Masha through friends and immediately realized that we have many common interests. We became very close, and at that moment I didn’t have a friend more precious than her. Masha was divorced. With her ex-husband, Maxim, she maintained a relationship – they were connected by a daughter. But I knew that parting with him was painful for her.
I saw Maxim a couple of times when he took the child for the weekend. Then it turned out that we have mutual friends. Once we met by chance at their dacha – we were both invited to a birthday party. I went out into the garden to admire the flowers and suddenly heard his voice behind me:
We meet in the most unexpected places. He reached for the chamomile and began picking off the petals. “So what does fate prophesy?” He loves, he doesn’t love, he presses to his heart … So they guess on a flower, right?
“I don’t know, I’ve never tried it,” I said. His gaze thrilled me. I also looked into his eyes. “Like a deer,” I thought, and smiled.
– Yes? But I would like to be promised a close soul.
We were called back to the house. Maxim disappeared, and then appeared with a cake for the birthday girl and artistically delivered a funny congratulation. Everyone laughed. I saw how attractive it can be. And I realized – he is doing this now for me.
A couple of days later he called. In part, it was a business call – I worked as a stylist, and Maxim, as a co-owner of an advertising agency, offered me to work on the set. We met and were obviously happy to see each other. I tried to concentrate on the discussion of the project, but I felt that a completely different internal dialogue was going on between us.
And when he touched my hand as if by chance, it seemed natural to both of us.
That evening he invited me to a bar. This is how our relationship began. When I woke up in Maxim’s apartment in the morning, the first thing I found was Masha’s message. We used to talk every day, and the fact that I was gone for so long worried her. She called. I hung up the call and turned off my phone.
I returned home in a state of euphoria. I received one message after another from Maxim, in the evening he sent a luxurious bouquet. And at the same time, Masha called me again – she said that she was passing by my house and could look in. Such spontaneous meetings were in the order of things for us. But when I opened the door for her, I “stumbled” about the fact that I could not tell her anything.
Yes, this is her ex-husband. However, I knew that for Masha their story was not over. She looked at the bouquet and noted that it was very beautiful and thoughtfully assembled. And that it was given by a man with taste. At that moment, I became uncomfortable. What could I tell her? That her ex offered me a job and that night I slept with him?
I now spent all my free time with Maxim
Masha said that she was busy with a new project in his company. That was the only truth I shared with her. I was overcome by a state that is probably called euphoria. But the fact that I cannot be frank with Masha was painful for me. And yet, at one moment, I realized from her face that she knew everything.
— I saw his car at your house. Why didn’t you tell me? she cried. I wanted to hug her, but she held out her hand.
– Do not come to me. I don’t understand… I don’t understand.
“I don’t understand how this could happen,” I said. And she cried too. We sat in silence.
“You were so dear to me,” Masha said.
“You are still dear to me,” I replied.
She went out into the corridor, put on a raincoat and a backpack. The burden was not heavy, but Masha seemed bent, as if a heavy harness had been hung on her, like on a horse that was not spared. It burned me from the inside that I would not see her again …
I probably never had such attachment to Maxim before. Wherever we are: traveling, walking around the city or at home, on the carpet, with a glass of wine and a movie, I felt that my life was shaken up like a kaleidoscope, and I see a completely different pattern. Everything about him was new to me, but above all my feelings, expectations, myself.
The first cracks appeared imperceptibly. I often began to feel that everything is subject to his rules of the game. If he didn’t agree with me, he stopped talking. He began to criticize my professional ideas. The way I build my life, the way I see the future, more and more often caused him a slight mockery. I felt like I was doing everything wrong.
But this was exactly what caused their marriage to Masha to go wrong.
I felt wrong. Inappropriate. And totally dependent on him. What did I feel about it? Fear of losing him. Animal fear that one day he will not answer me. That is exactly what happened. In the end, he admitted to me that we have no future. The blow was softened by the fact that he was not ready for a relationship.
I took this break very hard. I even left the city, thinking that downshifting on the island would help me. But in the end I realized that you can’t run away from your own inner funnel. Then I felt that I want to see Masha. And I wrote to her. Have I betrayed my girlfriend with this relationship? I still think not. I fell in love with someone who, by coincidence, turned out to be her ex-husband. I believed him.
“Please don’t look for me,” was her only and final reply. It hurt to read it. I realized that we have no future with her. But she continued to write to her for a long time. About yourself, about us. There are three of us. These letters have remained with me.