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We all – or at least the vast majority – want to be happy, but how do we move towards this goal? One step forward, two steps back, half a step to the side … So gradually, some people develop the “unhappiness syndrome”, and the reason for this is a number of unpleasant habits.
1. The habit of complaining
Life is often viewed as a journey, a road, and it can be bumpy and difficult. It is quite normal to complain about the next “bump” from time to time, but chronically unhappy people do it all the time. They themselves do not notice how such behavior turns into a habit, and over time it turns out that it is much easier for them to see the world in gloomy colors than to look at things with optimism.
Gradually, all good things are overlooked and forgotten. And these are not just generalities: research shows that those who complain generally experience less satisfaction during the work day and wake up in a bad mood the next day. In addition, complaints have a bad effect on the health and functioning of the brain, since the stress hormone cortisol is released into the bloodstream.
What to do
Learn to support, praise and say good words to both the people around you and the one you see in the mirror. Try to look at the ray of light breaking through the clouds, and not at the clouds themselves; roses, not thorns. Strive to maintain an optimistic outlook on life, even when things go wrong. Celebrate even small successes, praise yourself and give yourself small gifts.
2. Craving for self-criticism
It is useful for everyone to know themselves well, their strengths and weaknesses. The main thing is not to concentrate exclusively on the latter and work with them. Chronically unhappy people criticize themselves, imperceptibly moving to humiliation. The voice of the inner critic points out to them the slightest mistake, oversight, blunder, forgetting to remind them that a person has already dealt with something more difficult in life, and more than once.
So, if you have been criticizing yourself for years, but nothing good has come of it, maybe you should change tactics: try to praise yourself and see what happens?
What to do
Learn to admit and accept your mistakes, leave them in the past and move forward. Stop expecting perfection from yourself – focus on the process of growth itself and on becoming a little better tomorrow. Stop looking for flaws in yourself, focus on your strengths, on what you have already achieved. Stop the inner critic as soon as you hear his voice.
3. The habit of expecting happiness from others
Many spend days, weeks, months and years waiting for something to happen that will change their lives. In a sense, they hope for a miracle, but the responsibility for happiness lies with us. We and only we are responsible for our life experience, for the goals that we set for ourselves, including the desire to be happy.
Expecting others to make us happy, we are doomed to be forever disappointed and blame others for our troubles. No matter how circumstances develop and no matter how others behave, we ourselves must tread our own path to happiness.
Psychologist Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, wrote: “Everything can be taken away from a person except one thing: the last freedom – to choose one’s own attitude to any circumstances, to choose one’s own path.” And happiness really depends on what attitude we choose to live. So it’s worth focusing on how we can make ourselves happy.
What to do
Try to treat every day as a unique gift, an opportunity to get new experiences and impressions. Do not put off your dreams and desires for tomorrow – start realizing them today.
4. Inability to forgive
Forgiving is sometimes very difficult, but spiritual growth is impossible without it. We must remember that we forgive another not for his sake, but for our own sake. The goal is not to point out another person’s mistake, but to regain control over the situation and life. And it does not mean forgetting and allowing yourself to be offended again. This means admitting that we were treated ugly, but we respect and value ourselves and will be able to defend our borders in the future.
What to do
Forgiveness means letting go of pain and anger and finding peace. Promise yourself not to focus on past experiences, especially painful ones. Resentments can worsen or even destroy our relationships with others – so is it worth getting stuck in them? Learn to respond differently based on positive experiences. It is not easy to shift the focus from the past to the present, but it is worth it.
5. The habit of surrounding yourself with unhappy people
It is said that like attracts like, and with regard to the negative mood, this is more than true: we attract the energy that we give. Unhappy people cherish their pain, indulge in self-pity, and a similar environment is drawn to them, feeding unhappiness and allowing it to grow.
The loss of a job, the death of a loved one, serious financial problems, a breakup with a loved one – alas, many things in life can make us unhappy. Of course, negative emotions should never be suppressed, it is important to allow yourself to live through them. But at the same time, you should not get stuck in this state for a long time.
What to do
Carefully approach the choice of those with whom you communicate, try to surround yourself with optimists, those who enjoy life. If you constantly have an example in front of your eyes that you want to imitate, you will gradually learn to behave in the same way as this person. It makes no sense to sit and wait for happiness to overtake you: it is only in your hands.
Learn to take responsibility for yourself, forgive yourself and others more often, live for today and think carefully about choosing friends – this will allow you to become a happy person, about whom others will say: “And how he does it! That would be so for me!”