Depressive personality type: who sees life in black?

A depressed person is almost always pessimistic. Whether it is about family, work or something else, he thinks first of all about possible troubles. Usually he has a more gloomy mood, as evidenced by the expression on his face, sad and preoccupied.

He rarely feels pleasure, does not look for pleasant activities, partly because nothing seems like that to him. He often feels guilty and clearly underestimates himself. It seems to such people that life is difficult, everything requires effort and causes suffering. And this feeling of one’s own weakness and vulnerability prevents one from achieving success in the profession.

Either the slightest effort scares them away, or the reason is a pessimistic attitude (“nothing good will come of it anyway”), or they have completely forgotten what it means to experience pleasure. If you suggest that they go somewhere, they will most likely prefer to stay at home. They do not like society, and the company of other people tires them. Perhaps because they themselves consider themselves uninteresting interlocutors.

This is not to say that these traits are typical of all depressive individuals. Many of them are very conscientious, work hard, try to do their best, take care of their professional or family environment. But be that as it may, such people have:

• a negative view of oneself: “I’m not up to par”;
• negative view of the world: “The world is cruel and unfair”;
• negative outlook on the future: “I and my loved ones are in trouble”;

This triple negative view is called the depressive triad. It is also observed not only in depressed individuals, but also in depressed people.

How is a depressive personality type formed?

It has been proven that heredity plays a decisive role in the emergence and formation of a depressive personality. If we sort through all the relatives of such a person, we will find that some of them suffered from depression. But no less important is education. The image of parents, constantly tired, preoccupied, not allowing themselves the slightest joy, can become a model that the child will unconsciously repeat.

Some traditional parenting practices, when apparently unattainable ideals of perfection are imposed on children, can develop feelings of inferiority and guilt. A negative self-image increases the risk of developing a depressive personality, especially if the child is biologically predisposed to it.

“I think I was raised to believe that I didn’t deserve to be happy. My father worked from dawn to dusk and did not allow himself a single minute of rest. My brothers and I received a very strict Christian upbringing. At the same time, the emphasis has always been on the dark side: we are sinners, we must constantly remind ourselves that Christ gave His life to atone for our sins.

It really affected me – impressionable and insecure. Until now, in everything I am looking first of all for my own fault, I often reproach myself for selfishness (the fact that I am an egoist, my mother constantly repeated). It is difficult for me to ask for something, and even more so to demand, as if defending my own opinion or my own interests is really “selfish”.

Now I am much happier than before, but this does not solve all the problems. When something good happens to me and I rejoice, there is immediately a feeling of imminent catastrophe, as if for every minute of happiness I should be “punished” by misfortune, ”recalls Thibaut.

How can you help yourself?

Many people think that understanding and realizing the situation means improving it, but this, alas, is far from being the case. Many depressed individuals endlessly “chew” the causes of their condition, but cannot get out of it. Being aware of something is helpful, but not enough. In addition, there are reasons why depressed individuals are reluctant to seek help.

1. They do not consider their condition a disease, they think that the whole point is in their character.

2. As long as they manage to cope with their duties, they do not see the need to seek outside help.

3. They believe in willpower. Of course, they feel bad, but they think that if they can show their will, “shake themselves”, they will feel better. People around often share this opinion and do not skimp on such advice.

4. They believe that their case is special and that talking to a specialist is useless.

5. Distrustful of medicines, do not see the need for them.

6. They are so used to feeling bad that they don’t even know what it means to feel good, and therefore they can’t even want it.

7. They manage to boost their self-esteem by convincing themselves that they endure the hardships of life.

8. Sometimes their problems give them advantages: for example, the sympathy of others or the ability to “pressure” children.

How to deal with a depressed person

What do we have to do

1. Pay attention to the positive side of the situation. For example, a friend has received a responsible position and is sure that he will not cope. You might be tempted to say, “You always see everything in black light! Stop complaining! But this will not lead to anything good. He will be left with the impression that no one understands or wants to understand him, and this will only aggravate his depressive outlook on life.

Better try, without denying his fears and beliefs, to recall the positive aspects, and do it in the form of questions. “Of course it will be difficult, but it’s interesting, isn’t it?” Do not speak sharply and forcefully with a depressed person, try to find and give examples from the past when he was pessimistic, but, nevertheless, everything was resolved successfully.

2. Engage them in enjoyable activities that are compatible with their abilities.

3. They often reject everything that can give them pleasure. There are many reasons for this, and they are interconnected: fatigue, poor health, fear of not being up to par, a feeling of guilt (“I have no right to pleasure”) and, most importantly, the conviction that the situation will certainly not turn out in their favor.

In dealing with such people, two extremes must be avoided. On the one hand, they should not be completely left to them – “let them try if they want.” On the other hand, you should not impose on them what is beyond their strength. So you will only strengthen their belief in their own failure.

What not to do

1. Advise “shake it up”. “Get a hold of yourself!” “Who wants, he can!”. As a rule, others willingly give such advice, but they are useless. Even if a depressed person tries to follow them, he will feel misunderstood, rejected and hurt.

2. Read morals to them. “Where is your will?” “Look at me, I keep myself in control all the time!” Such statements are also not uncommon. But neither moralizing nor an accusatory tone will help. It’s like blaming a near-sighted person for seeing poorly, or a person who sprained his leg for being lame. Many depressed individuals already live with a constant sense of guilt, there is no need to increase it.

3. Give in to their mood. Next to them, so sad and preoccupied, we also fall into sadness or feel a vague sense of guilt that we cannot share their pain. Merging with them together will not help, as well as trying to stir them up. Respect your desire for freedom and joy, even if dealing with a depressed person sometimes makes you forget about it.

Three warnings

1. If this is your boss, check in regularly to make sure everything is going well at work.

2. If this is your employee, praise him more often.

3. If this is your partner, let him/her read this article.

The material was prepared based on the book by F. Lelor, K. Andre “He is a schizophrenic?! .. How to deal with difficult people” (Generation, 2007).