Demi Moore: «I used to be a support for others»

Psychologies: It seems like you were much more conflicted before. They stripped down on a live TV show, demonstrating that they were thin enough for the role. They got the nickname Gimme More (“Give me more.” — Approx. ed.) — for their struggle for fees. Filmed naked for covers. And at the same time they provocatively drew a man’s suit on their body. They turned journalists off … And now — a glossy sweetness, as if you really are that diva from billboards, a walking advertisement for «luxury products.»

Demmy Moor: Don’t tell me, journalists still get it from me. Recently, a colleague of yours asked me how I manage to be such a lively person at my age. And I answered accordingly. She said that there are many ways to achieve happiness, but the only true one is to know yourself. And that, among other things, it helps to become the owner of a million dollar bank account and a 29-year-old boyfriend.

So did you recognize yourself?

D. M .: Yes, but the main thing here is not to be afraid to admit to yourself what is important to you and what is not. The result of such an analysis is sometimes frightening. But he builds your true system of priorities. The conclusions I came to led me to make extraordinary decisions.

Are you referring to your departure from Hollywood, the end of your career at its peak, at 34?

D. M .: Yes it is. Then, in 1996, I received several backhand blows — from close people, from distant ones, from colleagues, from critics. I felt misunderstood. And she couldn’t explain. I know that relationships are sorted out so that they become clear. But I don’t know how, I don’t own instruments … And most importantly — girls, daughters. They lived under photo flashes. My failures, my nervousness with Bruce, the heated environment around … all this would inevitably deform them. And we decided to move to Idaho, to a ranch near the town of Hailey. You see, then I suddenly realized: I had parents who were not very present in my life. My brother and I had to take responsibility for ourselves too early. And so I wanted my children to remain children for as long as possible, to grow up without… deformities.

Do you disagree with the widespread opinion that one who did not have a full-fledged family in childhood cannot create his own?

D. M .: I never believed that everything in life is so linearly primitive. Yes, I had alcoholic parents. Yes, the person whom I considered my father was not in fact, and my real father left the family when my mother was just waiting for me. Yes, the one whom I considered a father committed suicide when I was only 18. Yes, all my childhood we moved, sometimes lived in a trailer, and you know, in the States this is a sign of complete social decline … But all this is only made me want to have a family of my own. And then, I had an amazing grandmother. She worked alone in the family, raised four daughters alone, and this at a time when there were very few jobs for women in America! No, the past does not determine the future. They just try to explain the present. A person’s own inclinations are much more important. For example, I have a very strong maternal instinct. Quite unconsciously, I measure everything in my life with my daughters, with their benefit. Everything I do only makes sense if it benefits my family. She is the main thing. But the family is also an anchor, something that does not allow you to break loose and disappear in a stormy sea. When Joel Schumacher kicked me off the set of St. Elmo’s Fire for alcohol and cocaine and demanded that I go into rehab, he was absolutely right. But if I had children then, none of this would have happened. I know this about myself now.

And the fact that you suffered from strabismus in childhood, underwent several operations on your eyes, went in a bandage, did this somehow affect you now?

D. M .: What has really affected me, and positively, is the endless moving. I can assimilate in any environment, instantly find a common language with anyone … And at the same time, I am not attached to people, places, or circumstances. What is dear to me, those who are dear to me, I always “carry with me”. And the eyes… If that had any effect, it was more likely the opposite. I am very competitive. I even chose films according to the principle: does this role contain some kind of challenge for me? But that’s why I never studied acting: I was afraid that if the teacher, whom I respect, says: «You know, you have no talent,» I would be in a dead end. And when she didn’t pass the test, she always consoled herself: they probably need a blonde. So, in my own way, I resigned myself to failure.

Do you deal with failure differently now?

D. M .: More important is reconciliation with yourself. That self-imposed exile in Idaho helped me a lot. After leaving boiling Los Angeles, I was finally able to mentally embrace all my previous behavior: compulsion to act, impulsiveness, obsession. Appearance, for example. I lived with the idea: if I become thinner, I will be … more acceptable to people, more attractive even as a person. Yes, everyone is looking for this — for people to accept them, but I was obsessed! And I realized it. And I stopped looking at my place in the world in terms of clothing size. I stopped many hours of grueling workouts, quit crazy diets. She stopped hysterically manipulating her own body. I seemed to take a step back from him. Started eating, removed breast implants. And, amazingly, my body itself entered the form to which I had been striving for so long and exhaustingly. Thinness, appearance in general — not transport to the point of Happiness — that’s what I now tell the girls. Because as long as you are attached to the idea of ​​​​appearance, you will always feel … unembodied, you will begin to slip in place.

But success, for example, in a career, in my opinion, is already more like transport to the point of Happiness. Career is, as you say, embodiment.

D. M .: I don’t think there is a route to this point at all. Happiness does not come to us from outside. Success is an inside job. By refocusing attention from your own navel to other things. When you start to understand that you are not the most important thing. That beauty at a certain age comes from within a person. That the spiritual dimension is irrevocable. Spirit is important in a person.

And are you a believer?

D. M .: Yes, I practice Kabbalah. But it’s hardly a religion. The mystical direction in Judaism… Here we are talking more about the place of a person in the world, only my place, no one else can take it. But I am obliged. Madonna introduced me to Kabbalah. And she did it just like everything she does, with such passion and contagiousness that it was impossible not to share her faith. I just love Madonna! Although I myself am not particularly emotional, I do not need shocks. They don’t feed me. I realized this when I had to play something very emotional — in «Ghost», for example, — but I just didn’t know how … Maybe it’s because I know from childhood that it’s pointless to cry. I was never especially vulnerable, I didn’t look for support. On the contrary, life taught me that I should be someone’s support, support. And for the last 18 years this property has been in demand: daughters have been growing up.

But now everything is changing — Rumer 19, Scout 17 …

D. M .: Yes, and it was amazing! I was engaged only in them for ten years, changed my life. But at some point they began to «guide» me. Once Rumer, with inimitable teenage irony, asked: “And you, mother, have you retired? Is not it too early?» And I realized: they themselves began to lack — my films, roles, work. So I returned to the cinema.

And very impressive: fearlessly appeared in «Charlie’s Angels» in a bikini next to 30-year-old Cameron Diaz!

D. M .: But that’s the point! I love being pulled out of my comfort zone. I love roles that shock — they challenge me!

But you yourself are shocked. Said 29-year-old boyfriend… How did you decide?

D. M .: If someone had told me on the eve of our meeting that I would soon be the wife of a man 15 years younger than me, I would have answered: “Keep dreaming” … But … One journalist recently told me how Ashton answered her question, is she afraid he be in my shadow. “Demi and I are one. And it is impossible to cast a shadow on oneself.” I feel the same. And it doesn’t matter how old he is. It was important and even strange until I knew him. We met quite by accident. I was in New York shooting for Vogue. Came alone, just for one day. The evening was empty, a friend called and invited me to dinner. A small company spontaneously gathered, including Ashton. Something happened between us, and I thought: “Let it be the way it is.” Since then, we have not actually parted. None of us expected anything from that evening. We didn’t expect anything from each other. No commitments, no plans. But we are together. Then I realized: we are from the same “root”. Ashton had a similar childhood. He grew up in Iowa, his parents are factory workers. He has a twin brother with cerebral palsy. And Ashton always took care of him. He also became what he became, without anyone’s support … And then, he is a very adult person, he is fully established as a producer: two series, MTV hits — the realization of his and only his ideas.

How did the girls react?

D. M .: Smooth. They probably know that they have nothing to lose by changing my circumstances. When we broke up with Bruce, we agreed that we would still be family to each other. It was my initiative. Enough of the fact that I had to leave home at 16 and I lost my parents … I don’t want to lose anyone anymore. But that’s why I decided to break up with Bruce: our relationship had reached the stage when it became something that I did not want to infect my daughters with. I did not want them to have this bitter experience of alienation, irritation. We parted just in time. And so they remained a family. And Ashton became another member of it. They are even friends with Bruce in their own way. Ashton recently confessed to me that in his perception of Bruce, he moved from the category of «the man who slept with my wife» to the category of «the man who loved my wife.» Indeed, there is a difference.

It turns out that everything is fine with you … And what are your plans now?

D. M .: Plans? Come on, I only live for today. Like a child. When I started to live like this, I felt: life is really good when you are “here”, and from the time you choose only “now”.

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