We often have to choose: get something now or wait a bit, make an effort for a better result in the future. The answer is not always simple. However, research shows that even small decisions like these make a big difference.
Max is four years old, and with the consent of his parents, he participates in a psychological experiment at Stanford University (USA). Professor Walter Mischel places a piece of marshmallow and a bell in front of the boy.
He says that he has to leave for fifteen minutes and that if Max does not eat marshmallow during this time, he will get another one. If he feels that he cannot wait any longer, it is enough to ring the bell, and he will be allowed to eat the delicacy that lies in front of him. But in this case, there will be only one pastille.
The video camera captures the terrible torment of Max. First he fidgets in his chair, then tries to look the other way. Then the desire to immediately eat the marshmallow seizes him again, and he frantically dangles his legs and even covers his eyes with his hands, just so as not to see the goodies. But he’s holding on.
Some of the smartest kids gave up faster than those with mediocre IQs
As promised, fifteen minutes later the professor returns, congratulates Max and gives him, in addition to the first, a second marshmallow, which the child takes, beaming with pleasure.
Many of the children who participated in this experiment, unlike Max, did not pass the test. Some gave up in the first minute. Others managed to hold out longer, sometimes licking the entire table around the coveted marshmallow. But they still gave up before the fifteen minutes were up.
Professor Michel’s laboratory has been following the fate of the children who took the test for about 30 years. The results of this work have turned the idea of what is important for achieving happiness.1. First of all, the relationship between intelligence quotient (IQ) and the ability to control your desire to eat a treat turned out to be very weak. Some of the smartest kids gave up faster than those with mediocre IQs.
Children who were able to stay focused on the goal and use their imagination to resist their desire were much better adjusted to life in adolescence: they had more friends, they were more praised by teachers, they coped better with stress, they expressed their position more openly. and get higher grades – even with a low IQ2.
Praise children for effort and perseverance, not intelligence, is the best way to help them develop properly.
They did better in exams and entered more prestigious universities. Finally, they got better jobs and had far fewer problems with alcohol and drugs at age 32 than those who succumbed to temptation at four (!) years.
It turned out that success can be more accurately predicted not on the basis of the child’s intelligence level, but on the basis of his ability to put off receiving an affordable reward for something better in the future, that is, the ability to control his impulses, which reveals the marshmallow test.
This fact is reassuring. After all, increasing IQ is not easy. But each of us, like our children, can develop character, strengthen willpower and learn the ability to look aloof at our desire for immediate gratification.
Yoga and meditation bring up the ability to observe your desires and determine their boundaries: “Yes, my hip is really deployed and my muscles are burning. I want to change position, but I can breathe, direct my breath to the place of tension and see what happens next. Gradually, the habit of self-control spreads to everyday life.
When children are praised for effort and perseverance rather than intelligence, this is the best way to help them develop properly. And for adults, it helps to know that getting a second marshmallow is not easy for anyone, sometimes you need to turn away in order to resist. But on the other hand, as we learn to be benevolent spectators of our own desires, they become more and more obedient and “tame”.
1 W. Mischel, Y. Shoda, M. Rodriguez «Delay of Gratification in Сhildren». Science, vol. 244, 1989.
2 A. Duckworth, M. Seligman «Self-discipline Outgoes IQ in Predicting Academic Performance of Adolescents». Science, vol. 16, 2005.