In difficult times, it’s easy to feel alone with your pain. However, the feeling of defenselessness can be dealt with — our experts shared useful psychological and bodily techniques.
How to regain your sense of security
“Regaining your security means returning to your boundaries and feeling the support inside you,” explains psychologist Yulia Reshetnikova. There are several ways to do this:
Ask another person to clap their hands all over your body — from the toes to the top of your head. Such an exercise will give a feeling of life inside, return to the body.
List 10 objects nearby, count the cars outside the window, pay attention to the sounds and smells around, look around for things in your favorite color. This is how you return to reality.
Alternatively, you can create your own protected, safe space—all you need is a large pillow and a blanket. Find a place in the apartment where you feel most safe. Listen to your inner feeling when you choose it. Placed there, press a pillow to your stomach, hug it and wrap yourself in a blanket. Give in to the sensations that come. Stay with them for as long as you need.
If you do not have the opportunity to do this physically, then build an image of your safe place mentally: examine it in detail, “touch” it with your hands, see how your body responds to it.
Can we regain our absolute sense of security?
According to Gestalt therapist Anna Ivanyutenko, it is difficult to talk about such a possibility now.
“It will be difficult to feel safe, to feel like it was a week ago. But something else is much more important — to find a grounding point, a certain center. You need to organize your life around it, consisting of ordinary household activities — getting up, brushing your teeth, exercising, cleaning …
I once read the memoirs of one woman about the blockade. She lived it as a child, but she does not remember the horrors and panic. She remembers everyday things: how they got up, how they stood in line. He remembers events, but does not remember fear. This is due to the fact that her older relatives focused on the routine. Therefore, it is so important not to forget how we usually live and what we usually do. It is especially good if you have a job that is closely related to obligations to other people. Do it. Thanks to tasks and deadlines, you will be able to structure your reality, which began to collapse.
Also, in order to maintain contact with what is happening and not fall into an affect, it is necessary to ground yourself. There is a simple exercise for this:
Sit on a chair with a straight back, do not lean on the back;
Put your feet on the floor;
Lean on the floor under your feet, feel the support;
Notice how you lean on the chair with your buttocks and pelvis;
Note that the stool is also hard and dense. He is in place and does not go anywhere;
Notice that you are leaning not only on the floor and the chair, but also on your own back, on the spine — it also holds you and stays with you. Feel the support in it.
How to help the body
Even if it seems to us that we are not worried — or worried, but not so much, then our body can say the opposite: tremors, headaches, nausea, dizziness, fever, increased pressure … Therefore, taking care of it is as important as taking care of it. about mental health. Here is what Julia Reshetnikova advises:
Refer to breathing practices. For example, to breathing in a square. Inhale for four counts — hold your breath for four counts — exhale for four counts — hold your breath for four counts. And so at least five or six cycles. Or try another exercise — inhale through your nose and exhale for a long time through your mouth into an open palm, as if you were breathing in a mirror and want it to fog up.
use your voice. Find the center of tension and anxiety inside the body and try to release these feelings with your voice as you exhale. As much as possible. Concentrate on the vibrations that the voice creates in the body. You will feel a little tension coming out of you with each exhalation.
Bring the focus to the body. Try to notice your heartbeat, listen to its rhythm. Be with your heart, trust its beat. Try to stay in touch with him and his rhythm for a few minutes.
What to do if you feel lonely
“Each of us has many channels of communication with the outside world, but in a crisis situation we cannot always use them,” notes Yulia Reshetnikova. — Talk about your feelings, ask for support from those who are stable and can give it, accept it with gratitude. If there is no way to find support among a close circle, look for it from a psychologist.
To feel better, you can help others
Offer your shoulder to those who are doing worse than you. Do something for free — give away old things, help animals, volunteer if that suits you. You can even just become a listener for someone who is important to speak out. Remember that now it is scary, anxious and painful for absolutely everyone. But everyone lives it in their own way.
“If, due to circumstances, you find yourself alone, then it is important to figure out exactly what feelings and emotions capture you and separate them from your actions,” Anna Ivanyutenko suggests. It is important to admit that you are afraid, that you are in despair. Give feelings names and separate them from the thoughts that accompany them.
However, now it is better not to be alone and find someone to lean on. The most stable structure in architecture is the arch. These are two weak elements that rely on each other, since separately they could not stand. By sharing our experiences, we are signaling to each other that something terrible is happening, but together we can recognize and experience it.”
“Conversations with loved ones only make it worse, but I can’t stay alone with myself either. How to be?
“Being close and feeling supported is not always about talking,” emphasizes Yulia Reshetnikova. — Try to be silent and listen to this silence, in which you are not alone, but with each other. Physical contact is also very important — hold hands, hug, stroke each other, put your head on your shoulder. Such support sometimes gives even more than a conversation.
If you still choose to be alone, you can make a list of what will become a resource for you. Maybe it’s a small joy, like a cup of coffee, a material thing that gives you a sense of stability, or some quality of yourself that has always helped you.”
If you cannot share your feelings with others, if their positions do not coincide with yours or hurt you, then written practice can be a good temporary way out of the situation, says Anna Ivanyutenko.
“It is recommended to people who have lost loved ones, who are in a state of grief. For those whose lives have changed drastically. It is better to do it by hand, without typing the text on the phone or on the computer and without thinking it through in your head. Grab a pen and paper and write about what intrigues you.
Performing this exercise, we seem to be divided into two: the one who experiences it, and the one who describes it. Thus, it becomes a little easier to endure pain, ”concludes the psychologist.