Defend your boundaries: 5 principles of self-defense

Each of us needs to learn to set clear personal boundaries so as not to be too vulnerable and defenseless. In addition, they emphasize individuality. But not everyone manages to convey to others where the limits of what is permitted end. For example, those who grew up in incomplete families are characterized by a misconception of themselves and low self-esteem. They are emotionally unstable, easily influenced and rarely happy without regard to others. Accordingly, their boundaries are blurred, they do not know how to refuse and defend their rights, especially in front of those they love. Unfortunately, many people face such difficulties.

How to set healthy personal boundaries?

1. Clearly define your boundaries

Best in writing. This develops a deeper understanding of their needs and the reasons for the behavior of others. In addition, the notes serve as a reminder of why you yourself are acting in a certain way. Write down everything that you consider unacceptable: taking other people’s things without asking, rewarding with offensive nicknames, forcing you to do things that are not your own, and so on. If in the future you have to face such an attitude, try to fight back.

2. Label them with reason

Watch how you express disagreement. Stick to the specifics, do not exaggerate, blame and be offended. Be short and clear: “Don’t drive. You drank, it’s dangerous” is better than to shower reproaches: “Why did you drink so much?! Who will take us home now? How you bored me!”

3. Talk about your limits out loud

Those who think the same way as we do understand everything perfectly. But when you have to deal with people whose character or lifestyle is different, you need to carefully select the expressions, explaining what is normal for us and what is not.

4. Don’t let it break your boundaries

Let’s say your colleagues often work overtime, but you think it’s unhealthy. Nevertheless, you do not want to conflict with them and also stay up late. It is not right. We need to think about how to politely convey our position, and act according to our own needs, and not to please others.

5. Remember that our boundaries show who we are and what we expect from others.

This does not mean trying to change someone. If you have clearly marked the line that should not be crossed, and someone does not take it seriously, end the relationship. One way or another, everyone has cordons. You need to learn to keep your own and not violate other people’s.

However, there is one exception to this rule. People with alcohol or drug addiction lose their sense of tolerance. They get used to taking without giving anything in return. If there are alcoholics or drug addicts nearby (spouses, parents, children, friends), sooner or later you will have to admit that rigid boundaries are the only way not to succumb to endless whims and maintain a healthy psyche.

Unfortunately, this problem is all too common. Therefore, you need to know how to behave in such cases.

1. Chemically addicted people are potentially dangerous. They are prone to antisocial behavior because they do not control themselves:

• jump into a fight

• threaten, shout, swear, insult,

• break and ruin things

• get behind the wheel in an insane state,

• act irresponsibly (especially with children),

• use drugs and alcohol in front of family members.

The best thing to do if you are a witness or an unwitting participant in such a situation is to immediately inform the police.

2. No one will force them to stop drinking or taking drugs.

If you are determined to get a person out of trouble, try talking to him / her at the moment of clearing your mind. Describe the severity of what is happening and say that you want to help. At the same time, make it clear that you do not intend to be responsible for the consequences of their behavior.

3. Such people often need: nowhere to live, nothing to eat, not even little things for transport

If you are driven by the desire to provide support, remember two rules. You are not required to keep them, it is your personal choice. Since you have decided to help, do not let your kindness be abused.

4. Another important aspect: you should not constantly make excuses

Addicts have a peculiar perception of the world: normal words simply do not reach them. Your job is to stay within your boundaries. Only in this way do they understand what is possible and what is not. Finally, boundaries should be a guarantee of respect. This is a key factor in self-preservation, especially when you have to live in an unhealthy environment. In addition, it helps to build good relationships with other people and show that we are worthy of love and respect.

If you can’t set personal boundaries, get support.

There are special groups, psychological counseling, coaching and other ways to get help. Feel free to share problems with friends and family – there will definitely be a way out.

Source: iheartintelligence.com