Our pace of life has grown so much, and the cult of multitasking has become so strong that women drive themselves into the most severe neuroses, just to meet the expectations of others.
– Well, besides the child and the husband, what else are you doing? – asked my friend in such a slightly condescending tone that I was at a loss. Actually, our kids were born a week apart, and he spends a lot of time with his daughter. That is, he imagines the approximate volume of tasks. And we just discussed with him for about 20 minutes all the difficulties of interacting with the first heir. And generally speaking. My child is one year old, and only a month ago I was able to straighten up and be a little stunned by the fact that these 12 months whizzed by easily and imperceptibly, while I introduced modes with complementary foods.
– A little sports, when my husband can put me down.
I was so proud to find the strength and time for sports. But judging by the tone of the interlocutor, it was not worthy of the exclamation “oh, cool, well done!”
– Haven’t you come to work yet?
Oh, that’s what he’s talking about!
Usually I answer this indistinctly, using the words “nanny”, “garden”, “expensive”. I don’t have enough spirit, you know, to be honest: my son is such a cool kid, he changes so quickly, and this is what is really important to me now. And I don’t want to go to work to miss all the fun.
This question – “when are you going to go to work?” – they began to ask me when I had not even gone on maternity leave. Then – a month after giving birth. Three months later, acquaintances were openly surprised that I was not yet in the office. And I wondered how I could leave a baby completely dependent on me. Where the legs grow from is understandable: lately, you only read how someone famous came out to the shooting from the hospital. With a flat stomach and a perfect figure, naturally. Someone will surely tell how her friend Masha left her half-year-old baby to her grandmother, because “they don’t leave such a post on maternity leave for a long time”. And my friend Sasha lives in Holland, and there, in general, three-month-old children are sent to a nursery – a normal practice in Europe. And nothing, they grow up as people, they don’t run wild, they love their mother. Olya proudly tells how she was still at work today, and tomorrow she gave birth. And, you know, in such a tone, deliberately light, he adds: “By the way, I have already left. Not for a full day, but still. I can’t stay at home, it’s not enough for me to be just a mother. ” And you just feel like the most backward loafer – that very anti-heroine from social networks in a stretched greasy dressing gown.
Every day I feel tremendous pressure from the outside: being just a mother and wife is no longer enough. At the same time, we are not talking about schoolchildren, but about toddlers! Adapting to a new life for herself, establishing relationships with the child and his sleep, overcoming hormonal leaps, a real Russian woman should also squat with a barbell, cook quinoa and amaranth, and not some pasta. And if pasta, then with a three-tiered serving, and so that not croutons for the soup, but croutons. And always with a washed head, in sexy lingerie and want to share all the accumulated desires of her husband at any time. She has to learn English or Spanish, or better Chinese, it is more promising, to attend advanced training courses, because, God forbid, you suddenly do nothing. In the decree, you need to have time to open your own business of sewing baby underwear or selling knitted blankets, to become an SMS man, at worst. And if she didn’t have time to do anything in a whole year, she needed to go to work as soon as possible, so that … So what?
This is a sobering question I ask myself every time it seems that my life is not enough action, that I am lagging behind in some of my own invented race. And you know what? The answer has never been clear. Because it is necessary? Because everyone lives like this? Somehow not very convincing.
Come on, be productive every minute!
It’s not just about motherhood, of course. We live too fast. Admitting that you are not doing anything is like calling yourself aimless and lazy. It’s not trending. Aren’t you working on weekends? Go to language courses, sports, meditation, read a new book on self-development. There is no other way. You can’t just lie all day in front of a TV set or with a book. It is impossible not to travel around five countries in three days on vacation. You can’t just spend this vacation at home, without going anywhere. And finally, you shouldn’t want to be just a mother and get high on cooking dinners and playing ducks. Come on, do something useful every minute, be productive!
But in fact, you can. It is enough just to turn off Instagram with dozens of happy wives and mothers who do everything in the frame. Stop comparing yourself to Masha. And allowing yourself to live is slow, tasty. Just do it.