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When my daughter was born 10 years ago, I was a very good mother. Even she was born very correctly. She was immediately placed on my stomach, and I wrapped my arms around her, carefully pressing her to me. The highest pleasure and universal joy that seized me at that moment is difficult to describe in words …
I carried her in a good backpack on me, turning her face outward, so that from the first months she could see the world around her. I hung out on the site of Lena Danilova. At home, almost all items were signed correctly, according to warehouses. Zaitsev’s cubes appeared when my girl was not yet 6 months old. I sang these songs to her: “Boo-bo-ba-be-by …”
She had small themed photo albums made by me. Transport, Clothes, Dishes, Seasons… All pictures were signed. There was a blanket on which various buttons were sewn, made of buttons and leather, ropes, the girl’s face, flowers ….
I walked with her and read Pushkin’s fairy tales in my ear, especially two of my favorites: «The Tale of the Dead Princess …» and «The Tale of Tsar Saltan …». And of course books… A lot of books…
My daughter spoke at the age of one. At a year and a half, she spoke clearly and in sentences. She quickly cut through all the tricks that I used. For example, she learned that if you want something from a person, you need to give him a choice.
“Choose, will you wear a jacket or a warm coat?” You’re still wearing something. Both will suit me.
Daughter to me:
“Choose, or I won’t wear it, or I won’t go anywhere!”
— Are you staying at home? I’m leaving…
She could not yet take into account the fact that when you offer to choose two options, both should suit you.
It was funny to watch the bewilderment on her face: “Why does mom work, but I don’t?”
And then my daughter went to kindergarten. And I rejoiced. Everything, now it will be developed there. Now there they will teach her how to hold a spoon, fork, pen, pencil correctly … The daughter was a little abandoned also because it was necessary to improve mathematics from her eldest son. Which is what I did for the next year.
The only thing that has been invariable all this time is that I always read a book to her before going to bed. And she fell asleep in my presence.
By the age of seven, she could read, and this was not my merit. This is a kindergarten and her abilities.
At that time, I left my husband with my children for a rented apartment. I had to be both mom and dad.
I paid little attention to my daughter. And I was very grateful to her for 4 and 5, in which I did not take part. The only thing that remained unchanged was that I continued to read to her before bed.
I knew all of her friends, and as you can guess, I didn’t like most of them. I myself remember what a cruel joke an unsuccessfully chosen girlfriend can play.
I saw all the harmfulness, sabotage and whims that my girl arranged for me. And she took them off as best she could. Sometimes by talking, sometimes by persuasion, sometimes by shouting…
And now actually
Declaration «I am a mother»
«I am a mother. And I have the right to be different. In those situations that have already been, I made the right decisions. Possessing those resources (time, knowledge, forces) that were at that moment at my disposal.
I understand that there are only 24 hours in a day. And I agree that my knowledge, time and vitality may someday not be enough for my daughter to the extent that corresponds to my ideas about responsible upbringing.
But I will plan and organize my time so that my daughter and I have enough time to communicate. I will monitor the quality of this communication very carefully.
I am a good role model. My daughter has never seen me as a loafer. I don’t lie on the couch, spit on the ceiling, watch TV shows, and gossip for hours with my friends on the phone.
I am a slim and beautiful woman, I know how to take care of myself. I cook quickly and tasty, I always have order. I love sewing, knitting, making beaded jewelry, and dancing. This is what my girl sees.
I will talk to her about what real love and real care are. About yourself, about your loved ones, about other people. Not only talk, but also show it with your actions.
My daughter herself chooses the circles in which she is engaged. Under my control. At the same time, one of them is necessarily sports or dancing. Now she attends acrobatics, hula-hoops, a synthesizer, beadwork and a circle of young naturalists.
I will teach her to live and speak meaningfully, act quickly and clearly. I will teach how to live interestingly, with joy and real pleasure!
I will take it to stores and explain why I buy certain products and goods.
I will involve her in household chores through soft intonations, plus-help-plus, I ask for help. Thanks, praise and encouragement.
I will carefully monitor my daughter’s surroundings. And teach her to choose her friends and be aware of who she communicates with. Logical stories, vivid pictures, appropriate suggestions.
Fairy tales, invented together.
I reserve the right to use steely intonations and connect strong emotions to a specific task, consciously and controlled.
And if, after all this, my daughter decides to distort her life and live without a head, becoming an adult woman, I will do my best to correct the situation. In every way known to me.
And only in the event that all efforts are in vain, I will say to myself: “I did everything I could. My daughter is an adult and independent woman. And I have other tasks in life.
My daughter has been a partner in my Distance exercises all summer. Three weeks ago, she herself became an active participant. But that is another story. Other creative work And the results are amazing…
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.