Decide to change yourself

Admit your suffering

“I run into violent men all the time.” “I choose friends who betray me.” “I get irritated over trifles”… The repetition of life scenarios is the starting point of any therapeutic path or step in personal development.

To realize this circumstance, which prevents us from moving forward, already means to see the possibility of change. But this is not easy, because we have to come to terms with the idea that there is a force acting against our will and that we need help to deal with it.

Are you ready, for your part, to acknowledge your helplessness and vulnerability?

Take some responsibility

It is easier to shift the blame for your troubles to others or to society than to admit your part of the responsibility. But in order to decide to change yourself, you need to want to become the creator of your life again, that is, to get out of the role of a victim. And also recognize that it is impossible to change others.

However, it is just as pointless to hope that they will change us: changing under external influence, we adapt at best, and at worst – obey the desires of others. The only possible and desirable change is that which comes from us and is directed at ourselves.

Are you ready to stop complaining?

Face the unknown

Even when we are dissatisfied or unhappy, it is often easier for us to continue living without changing anything than to risk turning everything upside down. For the status quo strategies we employ, however fragile, give us the comfort of the familiar.

By daring to take the path of change, we dare to overcome the fear of the unknown: how will I live without this pain, which, in a certain sense, has already become a part of me? And what do I learn about myself, about my past, about my shortcomings? We are afraid that we will see another person inside ourselves, while what we find there is ourselves, but in such a light, with such motives and boundaries that we have not yet suspected.

Are you ready to go beyond the usual?

cut some ties

As we rediscover ourselves, we become aware of the patterns we follow, the demands we have obeyed, the dreams and ideals we have imposed on ourselves, the commitments we have made to family and kindred.

To become ourselves, sometimes it is necessary to violate these obligations, to cease to live up to the supposed expectations of our parents, to discard the image of ourselves that has developed in ourselves and those around us in order to find our own path of self-realization.

Are you ready for changes that someone (and you) will not like?

Let go of the usual ideas about the world

Any personal change causes spiritual changes, since any serious self-doubt entails a new view of the world. Our sensations, our feelings, our values, our opinions, our ideas about relationships – everything is being revised.

But this “revolution” does not happen in a week and can be very restless! It requires involvement, strength, energy, willingness to give in, while at the same time causing a lot of doubt and resistance, and sometimes leads to changes in lifestyle and relationships with people.

Are you willing to question what you were sure of?

Recognize that not everything can be changed

Psychotherapeutic work allows us to discover our hidden resources, but at the same time, it shows us our limits. We become stronger, but not omnipotent. It is as if an artist who has used only three colors for years finds that he has two dozen at his disposal: his palette has expanded, his chances of painting the picture of his dreams have increased, but his skills and inspiration are still limited.

Are you ready to discover your true limits?

Take care of therapy

Many patients think that their task is to get to the office, but delegate the rest of the responsibility to the psychotherapist. But internal changes are possible only when we ourselves are truly involved in the work.

The courage is to take your place in this office, which becomes the space of our therapy. This means that we must be vigilant when transference occurs: the therapist is not a parent or mentor to us, he is simply a person on whom we can lean in order to move forward.

Are you ready to give up the passive role?

Outline the limits of psychotherapy and/or psychotherapist

To go through “our” psychotherapy also means to dare to pay close attention to what the therapist is doing, to notice when his actions are not precise enough or when the work, according to us, is stalling. And most importantly, decide to speak up about it.

The office is a place where we symbolically learn: if we try to be free and autonomous within the framework of psychotherapy, it will be easier for us to manifest these qualities in the real world, with parents, a boss, a partner … The ultimate freedom is that which allows us to feel that therapy is over, and tell the therapist about it. And put an end to meaningful relationships that are full of emotions and have their own history.

Are you ready to become independent?

Search your way

Sometimes this newfound freedom will push you to change the therapist or the method of psychotherapy: to move from psychoanalysis to body-oriented therapy or personal growth training – all this, to a certain extent, is also a way to get out of the comfort zone. But attention: do not give in to the temptation to become a “serial” patient, “to go hand in hand”!

All these decisions must be made consciously and deliberately. After all, ultimately courage is not so much a willingness to seek adventure in the path of change, but the desire to cultivate your garden, overcoming periods of indecision.

Are you ready to hold out for as long as it takes and not try to escape from the therapist and yourself?